Clenching my fists, imagining I have wolverine claws coming out of my knuckles

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Eat something that will make crumbs over the sink because you are too lazy to get a plate

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always want to tell my friends the nightmares I had but they don't sound as horrible as they actually were spoken out loud and then get annoyed if their no tike 'OH my god! And what happened next...?'

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i see almost everything as a sign

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looking at the bottom when i meet foreigners talking among themselves... dang. no subtitles.

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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Sometimes I imagine what it would look like if I was seeing out of another person's eyes across from where I happen to be.

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Always run up the stairs as if someone was chasing you.

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Whenever I'm throwing trash down the garbage chute or into a dumpster, I all of the sudden am terrified that I accidentally threw out a valuable ring/my cell phone with the trash.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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I think of who will I save if a killer come to school

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worry about your eyebrows sneaking their way up and making wrinkles on your forehead

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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"I'll start tomorrow..." wake up and it has been a year later and I still haven't done it.

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Wipe drink can with shirt after someone (mainly father) has had a sip.

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I make a joke and laugh a little but if someone else laughs then i laugh louder

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Stand really close to the mirror and look myself in the eyes. Try to scare myself or make a really fast movement, hoping my reflection can't keep up.

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I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

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I violate and then kill people, all ages and kinds... ..:But everyone does that right? I mean... Lol, I just type that because I am insecure now, and I kill when I am insecure... ...Excuse me.

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Waking up at 4 am wondering where your pillow went.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.