i can't watch the t.v. unless the volume ends in a 0 or 5

give speeches in the sower for random awards you will never receive.

When i need to poop i place toilet paper over the water so it doesn't splash up and hit my rectum.

I put salt on buttered toast...

Cover the built in webcam on my laptop when I'm using it with a folded piece of paper just in case

I look at people and think, "they poop" then as I'm imagining them pooping I hurry and change thoughts before they finish.

Put on different accents, ad talk to my self in the mirror.

wondering if everyone else in the world can read your mind so you avoid thinking about specific things

There's this reassuring voice in my head. She's almost like a mother, telling me that it'll be alright and that I have things to do.

wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

Check my underwear for any sh!t from farts (yes, sometimes my shit comes with a fart) captcha: royal flush

Open a new google tab when someone walks in the room, even if I wasn't looking at anything bad.

Whenever I walk through automatic doors I say "Thank You"

Sit on the loo and think about life because I can't be bothered to get up

When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

shag your mom

when i was a kid, i lookup dirty words in the english dictionary as substitute for porn :(

Turn the Microwave off at 1 second

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

when you have just ended a argument with someone and you think what else you could of said that would have been better to say

Having leg bounce up and down for no reason at all.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.