When I'm over at my friends house and they get in a fight with their sibling, I just pet their dog.

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After learning a new word, I hear it used and written EVERYWHERE for the next week.

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Popping your finger in your bellybutton, and then smelling it. You secretly like the cheesy smell.

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pee in the side of the toilet so its not as loud.

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When I'm hungry I look in the fridge, but there's nothing good to eat so I shut the door and walk away. Then I look in the fridge again 10 seconds later in the hope that new food has arrived Robbie

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

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Whenever i hear myself in a video or something to me, it sounds way higher pitched than when I hear myself talking Is it just me?

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Walk around aimlessly when talking on the phone.

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Try to balance the light switch between on and off.

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I think about life problems in the shower

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Lie in bed at night, imagining things I want to happen in my life while trying to fall asleep.

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Reach my hand inside the room to turn the light on before I go in.

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use the restroom at a different floor/building when taking a dump at work.

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When I'm about to get in bed, I turn my light off and then run and jump into bed so that nothing gets me.

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smell your socks cause you like the smell of your own sweat

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When leaving your basement, become increasingly conscious of how you are scared of something getting you. SPRINT UP STAIRS.

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People looking at me when listening to my Ipod. "Can they hear my music?" *turn volume down*

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Sometimes I read a whole page of text only to realize I didn't actually read any of it. Then I read it again. Sometimes this happens more than 3 times for one page.

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Inspect the mirrors in store changing rooms in case they are one-way glass. Make faces into mirror as if you know they're back there.

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Imagine that other people see colors different from me and if i had their brain i would see it like them

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After washing butt, turn my butt towards the shower and spread butt cheeks apart to wash the soap out of my crack.

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Every new years eve I like to watch the date on my computer change all three the day, the month, and the year

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.