When I pee if there is already some toilet paper there I try to sink it with my pee.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

pinch the tip of my dick when I masturbate.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

When I'm stressed, I pick at the skin on my head and pull white flakes out of my hair. There's nothing more satisfying to me than that.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Think a really Fu**ed up thought in your head, and then get mad at your brain for even coming up with it, and finally trying to think really nice thoughts to make up for it.

thumb_up thumb_down +80

When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Try having a conversation with your friends parents but keep saying yeah the whole time

thumb_up thumb_down +26

When you try to blur eyes and keep them like that when you look around the room.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

When I go up the stairs, I always have to end on my right foot. If I have to, I will even hop on one foot on the last stair in order to land on it.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I like to play with the condensation on the outside of glasses, sometimes drawing in it, or just wiping it all off. I get half-way annoyed when it comes back, until I play with it again.

thumb_up thumb_down +359

I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)

thumb_up thumb_down -3

I always feel a little twinge of regret when I see "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service," because I know it's a lie.

thumb_up thumb_down +367

I talk to my pet when no one is home.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,594

Sometimes, I skim through the Terms of Service just to make sure I'm not selling my soul or promising my first-born.

thumb_up thumb_down +652

If someone uses a term thats like, in the know, and they ask if i know what it means, ill act like, of course ido, even if i dont, and then ill go home and look it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

I chew on anything plastic. I don't think there's a pen that I haven't chewed on or a plastic cap I haven't put in my mouth. It's a horrible habit but it feels so DAMN GOOD TO CHEW!

thumb_up thumb_down +193

"Oh, that was a messed up thought, probably shouldn't think about it again or something worse because---GODDAMN IT."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Make funny fish faces and noises in the mirror just because... Oh yeah, and fish totally make noise, right?

thumb_up thumb_down -34

feel special if I don't get thumbs up on my posts

thumb_up thumb_down -34

mentally scolding yourself for thinking something dirty just in case the person you're thinking about can read your thoughts

thumb_up thumb_down +134

Sometimes i think i've been living a dream life, and one day im really gonna wake up in the middle of 9th grade math class and have to explain why i was sleeping on my desk and jerking off so much.

thumb_up thumb_down +101

When no one's at home, the house turns into an action movie set. Going to my room turns into sprinting up the stairs and purposely stumbling to give the effect that bombs are going off. And always make it to the room in time to hop on the last helicopter out of the jungle.

thumb_up thumb_down +217

Check your analog watch, wait for it to strike a minute, then look away and try to count 60 seconds out in your head before you look again. However many seconds you were away is your new record.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Pee in the shower

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.