I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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When I'm bored I throw a plastic bag in the air and see how long I can keep it from touching the ground.

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put the volume on the TV as an even number, and feeling uncomfortable if it's on an odd number

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listening to music and not realizing ur favorite song is on until the last word

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Walking past a light switch, but miss when try to turn the lights on so you just keep walking instead.

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Whenever there is a volume button on something i have to make sure its on a number 5 ie: 0,5,10,15

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When walking along, I try to race someone walking towards me. For example, a letter box is ahead of me and there is someone walking towards me. I will try and reach the letter box before the other person without looking awkward.. then feel like God if I manage to do it.

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misread dig bick

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I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

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When I'm doing a spelling test, I spell a word and read it over and over again until it loses its meaning.

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in silences, freak, thinking someone can read your mind and tell them off in your head

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I don't like to sit with my back to the door incase someone or something sneeks up behind me, it's even worse with headphones on.

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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Scratch my scalp and look around the place if there is someone watching me (if no one does) quickly smell my fingers

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When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

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Put ear buds in nose, open mouth, instant speaker. If you don't do it try it.

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Sometimes when im sitting in class i start thinking how i would save the whole classroom if someone was to come in with a gun and start shooting.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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Whenever I slurp from a straw I do it a little bit at a time, slowly and steadily so people don't turn at me and give me an annoyed face.

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Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

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Lie in bed at night, imagining things I want to happen in my life while trying to fall asleep.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.