Whenever I do something I want to tell someone about, I have to whisper it to myself before I tell them.

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when someone is talking about something i have no idea of and then asked me if i agree I'm like: oh yes! and then promptly changing subject so they won't find out

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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I have to check my closet for monsters so they don't get me while I sleep

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Listen to song and think of a great montage that would go with it.

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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When in the shower dread putting the shower gel on you chest as it is freezing!!!

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I walk down the stairs sideways because I'm afraid something will get me.

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think that the NSA is always watching what you do online at any time you are even connected.

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When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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Singing alone in the car and then stopping, scared that there is an audio recorder in the car recording you singing.

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Awkward moment... Pretend to send a text.

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I have tons of imaginary conversations in my head with people I know, but they never happen. It's worse when something funny happens in the imaginary conversation and I laugh to myself, and if someone notices I can't even say that I was remembering something because I wasn't, it had never happened...

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i want to FAWK the SHYT out of that girl

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I like eating chicken clubs with my hands and dip them in ketchup while pretending I am a caveman

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Never tell her who I was talking to on the phone and watch her nosy butt get upset

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Get creeped out at seeing 11:34 at least once per day. The number even turns up everywhere in my life such as my jewelry store.

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Pretend i'm a sim.

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I scratch and sniff.

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when singing to music on my ipod, i sometimes pause the music to hear how loud I am singing.

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If I have a black surface I scratch my dandruff onto and make a dandruff galaxy.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.