when looking at a reflection of myself, i try to do it as fast as i can before the reflection does something i didnt

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hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

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Spending the night at someone's house and waking up and thinking your at your house then realizing your not

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I think people especially my parents, can hear my thoughts

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I am always SO sure the metal detector or store alarms will go off when I walk through them. –Ikka

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Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

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Whenever I see a girl, I always do the math for how good they would be for banging

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Imagine flying things and epic battles when listening to music.

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i smoke weed all day.

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Keep things on my body equal. ex. Hold something in my right hand so I hold something equally heavy in my left hand.

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Checking your phone for a text when you know you don't have one. Matt

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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Absentmindedly rub your stomach while lying down watching or reading.

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I read your stuff at the interwebs and think "sons, I am disappoint" Moral: Lol, I just might be your father you know... But that does not mean you disappoint me anymore, I kinda expect your worst? Best? I mean... Are you doing your worst on purpose? WOW!

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when someone mispronounces something I say the correct pronunciation quietly under my breath so it doesn't bother me

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Remembering that you're breathing and then it stops being subconscious so you have to purposely breathe until you stop thinking about it.

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I twist my pubes into little spikes when I pee.

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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I precisley fold toilet paper , so that I can unfold it and use the other side

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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when you bleed you suck your own blood

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When on long car rides, I always look out the window and imagine a little man running alongside the car.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.