I have a cat that drops on it's side when she sees me coming

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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I put salt on buttered toast...

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While I Am on the computer late at night, my Mum tells me to go to bed, I say I will in a second. I stay for a few more minutes, my mum tells me again, I do the same thing...

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Look an ugly person up and down and try to think of ways that they can improve how they look. ( clothing, hair, and makeup)

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One time I went to my old primary school and while I was there I needed the toilet. So I go use the schools and was shocked at how small everything was I guess because I haven't been there in a while

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When i'm eating M&Ms, I save one of each color until the end so I can eat them all at once.

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Hit the enter key really hard when finishing a long piece of text that you have just written.

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Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

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Playing with a tiny piece of loose skin in the middle of my upper lip.

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I eat one way in public and another way in private.

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When I'm on Facebook, I don't like anything in my news feed thats older then 15 minutes or else i'll feel like they think ima creeping on them.

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I never even met you! Why do you care who I'm talking to?

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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I wonder what would happen if time froze and only I could move. I think about all the things I could do.

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I cover the mirror on my bedroom door with a sheet at night, because I think the shadows casted in the mirror are gonna get me.

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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try as hard as possible to not use the last of the toilet paper so you don't have to change the roll and inadvertently force someone else to do it.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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When I masturbate I trade hands often in fear that my penis may become crooked.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.