wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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in my eyes all my friends have an easier life than myself. their exams are easier, their teacher are cooler...

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When I've had an argument with someone I'll play it over in my head and come up with new responses. Then, sometimes my reenactment will get so heated that i start yelling my new arguments, and geting even more angry then before.

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Gotta sleep with a fan.

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Read through all these posts and get all excited when you see things that you thought only you did

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When I'm getting shouted out i blur my eyes and think of something else :3

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Whenever I go to a new place, I look around and carefully plan my escape route in case of zombies.

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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Laying in bed kind of hungry, knowing exactly what you want to eat, and going over all the steps involved (going all the way to the kitchen, making the food, cleaning up, going all the way back to your room, plus it's nighttime and something might get you) and trying to decide whether or not it's worth it to go eat now or just wait until you wake up.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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I turn on the faucet or turn up the radio in the bathroom so maybe no one can hear me pee.

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Repeat the phrase "you too" after a comment someone makes that does not apply. Bob: happy birthday Jim Jim: you too bob. Awwww sh!t.

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Pretending I'm in a phone call when I don't want someone to talk to me.

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Have a dream with horribly unfortunate events (like having an amputation or being in prison) waking up from said dream and saying something like, "Good thing that was a dream, don't know what I'd do if that was real"

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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When I'm over at my friends house and they get in a fight with their sibling, I just pet their dog.

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When in a public bathroom, flush the toilet right before your shit falls into the water, so no one will hear.

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Try having a conversation with your friends parents but keep saying yeah the whole time

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <<

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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I wonder do females have morning wood equivalent?

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.