Say you're not hungry at a friend's house when his/her parents offer you food, even though you're starving

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You try to tell a joke to impress everyone and then you mess it up.

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im going to RAPEEEE that girl

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Whenever I leave a phone message, I feel like I'm leaving the last message I will every leave to my family in my life because I will somehow die soon. I've watched too much drama.

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Aim at shit stains whilst I pee.

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When I'm walking on the sidewalks, I make a game of how to walk on the pavement squares so I don't step on a line.

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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Close the Facebook page, after not having a single message in hours, and re open it in a minute, expecting numerous new messages......

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Click my teeth from side to side at the beat of songs

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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when u see a blond, brown,black,or red head girl u think of a blond,brown,black or red head joke -Randi L.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Sitting down in the shower

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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Do an epic air drum solo while listening to Phil Colins "In The Air Tonight"

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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I smell or rinse cups before I put water in them. Even if they are clean.

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Dance in the car just so the person you like will see you and be like "Aw, cute" but then they don't even see you so you stop...

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When the car ride is silent, I wink with my right eye when I pass a sign on the right, and the opposite for the left. And then when there's a double yellow line, I close my eyes.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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Watch the same movies over and over

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I wonder why the word ISLAND has an "S" in it?

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Half of these posts are all but "things you think only you do". So is mine

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When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.