after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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to wake up from a nice dream than try to sleep again to finish it

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Attempting to silently sneak a fart, then it erupts from your anus.

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When I'm sleeping, I turn and my bed shakes, and I wake up thinking it's an earthquake.

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I'm ridiculously turned on by the scent nail polish.

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When it's as quiet as possible in the classroom in the middle of the period and everyone is silently doing their work.... I suddenly think of something REALLY funny and spend the next half hour awkwardly grinning trying my hardest not to burst out uncontrollably.

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Make pictures on the bathtub wall using the clump of hair from the shower drain.

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when i was a kid, i lookup dirty words in the english dictionary as substitute for porn :(

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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after a shower, try to shake the water off.

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In public,try to make eye contact with most people.

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While listening to songs, your always thinking of a situation to go along with it.

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RAPE CHILDREN

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Show all your friends this website to prove your not as strange as they think you are.

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When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

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I read your stuff at the interwebs and think "sons, I am disappoint" Moral: Lol, I just might be your father you know... But that does not mean you disappoint me anymore, I kinda expect your worst? Best? I mean... Are you doing your worst on purpose? WOW!

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before going to a party, i rehearse the conversations i expect to have with the people who will be there (even though those conversations never actually happent)

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Not clicking the Facebook 'like' button on "pee in the side of the toilet so its not as loud", because it will show up on your profile, and you think other people will think you're strange.

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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Do math in ur head at night to help you fall asleep.

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Create a little story/scenario in your head abbout someone you like or want to meet, while lying to go to sleep.

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A song comes on that you hate but you sing with it anyway because you know the lyrics

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Every once in a while I think 'I know you're reading my mind...' and look about the classroom. See if anyone looks at me.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.