pull the poo out of my butt when im too impatient to push it out

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I stick one foot out of my blanket so I'm not hot or cold.

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When I'm in a place with two different colored tiles, I only step on the colored ones and pretend the white ones are lava or off-limits.

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I think about life problems in the shower

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Walk around aimlessly when talking on the phone.

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When I'm about to get in bed, I turn my light off and then run and jump into bed so that nothing gets me.

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When someome asks you a question and you can't hear them so you say, "what?", then they say it again and you miss it so you just nod your head and say "yeah".

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While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

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I wet toilet paper before I use it to wipe.

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smell your socks cause you like the smell of your own sweat

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Sometimes I read a whole page of text only to realize I didn't actually read any of it. Then I read it again. Sometimes this happens more than 3 times for one page.

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Having a dream where I am in a sex Ed class and instead of looking at slides experiencing everything firsthand

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Instead of using the twist ties on bread, I spin the bag of bread and then tuck the flap underneath.

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After learning a new word, I hear it used and written EVERYWHERE for the next week.

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I always save a bite of my favorite food for last so that is the taste I have in my mouth when the meal is over.

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When I see interactive ads on webpages ( "Shoot 5 iPhones And Get One Free!" type of windows ), I feel compelled to finish the task, even though I KNOW it's going to open a pop-up and waste 10 seconds of my life.

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People looking at me when listening to my Ipod. "Can they hear my music?" *turn volume down*

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When leaving your basement, become increasingly conscious of how you are scared of something getting you. SPRINT UP STAIRS.

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Lie in bed at night, imagining things I want to happen in my life while trying to fall asleep.

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pee in the side of the toilet so its not as loud.

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I Masturbate Daily.

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Wonder if I have a twin across the world and he makes all the opposite decisions.

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If I'm in my room and I need to fart, I walk into someone else's room and fart in there so that my room doesn't stink up.

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while taking a bath, I imagine my knees, belly, arms etc poking out of the water are islands, and i imagine little people running around on them

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.