when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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when someone is playing a song which i really like but don't know the name of it i either try to guess the name by the lyrics or i try to read the name from their iPod without them noticing and then immediately make a note on my mobile and saving it.

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You remember something funny. You smile like an idiot. Everyone around thinks your weird for randomly smiling.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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When i'm eating M&Ms, I save one of each color until the end so I can eat them all at once.

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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Repeatably look at something ugly, even if it's ugly

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When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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When I'm home alone, I pretend I'm famous, and pretend I'm doing a television or magazine interview, and answer out loud to questions I ask in my head

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Count how many steps there are in a stairwell I use often and then try to take it by same number each time... Eg if there are 16 then always go by twos and missing the others!?!?!?

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Pretending you're in a tribute band when you listen to a song.

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Your mom

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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I violate and then kill people, all ages and kinds... ..:But everyone does that right? I mean... Lol, I just type that because I am insecure now, and I kill when I am insecure... ...Excuse me.

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dream about the most amazing guy/girl that you have a relationship with and hope it comes true

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When an ice cube fall on the floor I kick it under the fridge.

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I click that I have read the Terms of Service although I haven't read sheit

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Hate people who don't dress like you because they're not fashionable. Hate people who do dress like you because they threaten your individuality.

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always want to tell my friends the nightmares I had but they don't sound as horrible as they actually were spoken out loud and then get annoyed if their no tike 'OH my god! And what happened next...?'

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When I do a fresh pile of laundry I throw them on my bed and lay in them.

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On a calendar search for the picture on your birthday month

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when someone says something like 'it's too late' i always start singing 'to apologizeeeeee' even though i think people are annoyed of me always singing along to their sentences and changing the meaning, but i just cannot stop it

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.