When you are looking over someones shoulder and they look at you thinking you are staring at them so you suddenly turn your head

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Fart at home

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After learning a new word, I hear it used and written EVERYWHERE for the next week.

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When I see someone with similar hair to mine, I stare at them from behind and try to figure out if that's what I look like from the back.

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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Pee in the shower.

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Sometimes when you are looking down at a book or something you look up because you think you saw a person. Nope it was a tall lamp with a coat hung on it. Find youself periodically looking up every 5 minutes to make sure.

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Sometime if I need to go I would go outside so I don't splash the seat

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I don't read the terms of service.

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Read things from this page and think to self: "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."

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Every time i take a drink from a cup, i rotate the cup so i never drink from the same place.

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when you are pooping you fart and it scares you a little bit.

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instinctively thumb down long posts without reading them.

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I unlike Facebook pages if they spam my wall.

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Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

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You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

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when you bleed you suck your own blood

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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When you try to blur eyes and keep them like that when you look around the room.

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Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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Whenever we watch a movie or stupid educational film in school, I sleep.

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I wet toilet paper before I use it to wipe.

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At times I get the annoying habbit of counting the notes on a song on my fingers, again and again until it ends with five, if not, I keep doing it until it does so as to not leave a finger left out of the melody.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.