I **** with no hands.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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Hate when you finish a cup of pudding or something like that and you don’t want to get up to put the spoon in the sink so you just leave it sitting in the cup but the spoon is too tall for the cup and it falls over.

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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Secretly open a packet of something or spray some deodorant in a shop to check what it looks/feels/smells like. Then put it back and pick up the one behind because you just used/opened the one you were just holding.

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When I loose something , I buy a new one, then continue to find the old one the next day.

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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Sometimes I just space out for a period of time and completely forget that I'm breathing. Then when I snap out of it, I kind of breathe deeply because I thought I forgot to breathe.

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pee in my pants on purpose for the fun of it

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Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

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I sometimes feel the desire to grab something fragile and - not out of anger, just because it would be funny - hurl it across the room to watch it explode.

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

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While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

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Reflection and deep thoughts about the origin of life and the universe when showering

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sit on the toilet when taking a crap and play my iPod or laptop at the same time for something to do.

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After eating a lot of junk food begin to fear that i'm going to get diabetes.

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When talking to someone you sometimes start with the middle of a story through the end, complete with random details that seem totally unrelated to them, and THEN you remember to tell the beginning (which is the part that actually relates to what they were talking about).

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When reading something you have different voices for the characters/people.

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Lie in bed at night, imagining things I want to happen in my life while trying to fall asleep.

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Reach my hand inside the room to turn the light on before I go in.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.