Say you're not hungry at a friend's house when his/her parents offer you food, even though you're starving

You try to tell a joke to impress everyone and then you mess it up.

im going to RAPEEEE that girl

Whenever I leave a phone message, I feel like I'm leaving the last message I will every leave to my family in my life because I will somehow die soon. I've watched too much drama.

Aim at shit stains whilst I pee.

When I'm walking on the sidewalks, I make a game of how to walk on the pavement squares so I don't step on a line.

I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

Close the Facebook page, after not having a single message in hours, and re open it in a minute, expecting numerous new messages......

Click my teeth from side to side at the beat of songs

when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

when u see a blond, brown,black,or red head girl u think of a blond,brown,black or red head joke -Randi L.

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

Sitting down in the shower

When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

Do an epic air drum solo while listening to Phil Colins "In The Air Tonight"

Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

I smell or rinse cups before I put water in them. Even if they are clean.

Dance in the car just so the person you like will see you and be like "Aw, cute" but then they don't even see you so you stop...

When the car ride is silent, I wink with my right eye when I pass a sign on the right, and the opposite for the left. And then when there's a double yellow line, I close my eyes.

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

Watch the same movies over and over

I wonder why the word ISLAND has an "S" in it?

Half of these posts are all but "things you think only you do". So is mine

When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.