Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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I can read people's life's and figure out the truth about them with out them telling me how their life is

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I'm constantly struck with this odd sensation that I didn't wipe my ass well enough.

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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conundrum.

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going to bed at 10:30 pm realize i have to check Facebook go to YouTube randomly watch 2 hours of nothing, then find my self pulling an all nighter cause its 4 am and i got school.

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Think of a song, tv show, or movie for a brief moment. Hear/see it the next day.

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When eating chips/cereal (out of the box)/any small snacks I put an even amount in my mouth and divide them evenly on each side of my mouth and chew them like that.

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

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if i put my shirt on backwards, instead of taking my shirt off and putting it on right, i pull my arms in and just spin my shirt.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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hearing the opening theme music to Disney or 20th Century Fox or whatever and knowing what it is before you see the screen, then wondering if you should feel proud or if your a weird geek.

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Reading all these posts and being reminded that we are all more similar to each other than we think, regardless of whatever group each of us may belong to.

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On YouTube, if someone comments a time in the video (or in the description) I always click it for fun, even if it doesn't work. Like if someone comments "it's 4:12 right now" on a 2 minute video I click the link.

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Sometimes, I skim through the Terms of Service just to make sure I'm not selling my soul or promising my first-born.

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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play on your game for ten minutes before you realise why you stoppedd the last time

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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Sex scene comes on TV while you are watching with your parents... Try to act normal... Fail.

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I smell or rinse cups before I put water in them. Even if they are clean.

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I have to check my closet for monsters so they don't get me while I sleep

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When alone in a public restroom, after using the toilet I kick the lever and run away out of fear that it will splash on me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.