in silences, freak, thinking someone can read your mind and tell them off in your head

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try as hard as possible to not use the last of the toilet paper so you don't have to change the roll and inadvertently force someone else to do it.

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clean specks of sh*t in the toilet by peeing on it.

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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Before I go to bed at night, I close the closet door so the monsters inside don't come get me while I'm sleeping.

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When at someone else's house, trying to use the bathroom, keep a very close eye on the door just to make sure nobody's gonna walk in on you...

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Think about awesome stuff that you could do (e.g beating up someone who steals your gf's purse or something) when listening to music

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When I wipe after taking a poo I always get excited when there is no extra poo to be wiped off...yea...don't judge

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When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

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When I have a bottle in my hand and nothing to do in class. I read the nutrition facts and ingredients 2 to 4 times until the teacher says something.

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You try to tell a joke to impress everyone and then you mess it up.

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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I have an unhealthy obsession with and so always talk about Penge North Korea beige mauve and medium density fiberboard. This explains why I'm such a popular guy

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I eat ass

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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When you Sitting on the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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play my ipod all night till my eyes hurt

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I only make the tv volume in multiples of 5.

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Attempting to start phychic conversations with people in public

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Have a dream about somebody being mean to me. Proceed to be mean to them in real life.

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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Create a little story/scenario in your head abbout someone you like or want to meet, while lying to go to sleep.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.