When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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Fap and when you're done you feel ashamed and feel like you're wasting your life lol

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When leaving your basement, become increasingly conscious of how you are scared of something getting you. SPRINT UP STAIRS.

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When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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I delete all notifications on my phone before i shut it off.

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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When I am surfing the web and i go to another website i see an ad that was about something i just viewed from previous website I wonder if a little man is inside my pc keeping catalog of every website that i visit.

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

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Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

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Not clicking the Facebook 'like' button on "pee in the side of the toilet so its not as loud", because it will show up on your profile, and you think other people will think you're strange.

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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When in long car rides I imagine a little man running or on roller skates next to the car. When A car comes he turns into a ninja and can slide under/jump over or cut the car in half.

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I push the door open with my stomach

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Pee while setting down even if your a dude.

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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Make scary faces in the mirror and try to scare myself

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Cover the built in webcam on my laptop when I'm using it with a folded piece of paper just in case

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When I'm eating ice cream in a bowl I stir it until it becomes like ice cream soup.

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think something you shouldn't, then stop thinking it, because someone might read your mind

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.