When you sit down to a great dinner with all your favorite foods and then the nanosecond your ass touches the chair you are instantly he most tired and uninterested in food than you have ever been before

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Realizes there is less toilet paper than first thought. Hobbles across bathroom to find more. Failure. Take shower.

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Every time I go in a bathroom I have to look behind the shower curtain.

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When eating chips/cereal (out of the box)/any small snacks I put an even amount in my mouth and divide them evenly on each side of my mouth and chew them like that.

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Not likeing something someone posted because you have a secret crush on them and you don't want them to think you check there Facebook too much.

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I take receipts out of the ATM's disposal slot in order to see how much money people that I've never met have in their accounts.

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When you can't be bothered to go to the toilet so you stay watching tv or going on your laptop while trying to hold it in.

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When listening to music on computer make sure your singing the words and act cool just incase the singer of that song and some other people you admire are watching you threw your webcam.

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I pick my nose n eat it. I love the hard ones

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Scratch my scalp and look around the place if there is someone watching me (if no one does) quickly smell my fingers

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When I'm in the shower and I hear a noise I automatically think someone broke into my house and killed my family and that they're coming for me and I will have to fight off the killer naked.

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I ejaculate fire and glory

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I have one of those automatic shower cleaners. After I press the button, it beeps 15 times before starting. I have to get out my brush, get out the hair dryer, plug it in, and Turin it on before the 15th beep. Every time.

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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Naming every pet you've ever owned Peter Jankins

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I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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Sitting next to a banana called James

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Reading these, realizing that you don't do some of the things on the top of the list, and wondering if you're weird.

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I post morals under every one of my new comments. Moral: Duh, I am moral man ffs! What do you expect! Its awesome! If things go at this phase I will be a celebrity in... hmm... in never!

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when i know that friends are coming to my place the next day i clean up my room and then i'm like...oh i forgot to clean up i'm sorry, it's always in a mess...

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when someone is talking about something i have no idea of and then asked me if i agree I'm like: oh yes! and then promptly changing subject so they won't find out

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Wonder if someone is ever doing the exact same thing you are at the moment.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.