When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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I'm in computer class at school right now. I'm supposed to be making up for incomplete assignments. But I have been on Things only you think you do, Funny Exams, DIY Fail, Pointless Super powers, Explain this image, and Perfectly Time Photos all class class period. I just noticed these websites aren't blocked at school.

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When I fap at friends house, I use mobile data instead of his wifi incase history can be seen

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whenever i'm talking about someone, i constantly check my phone to make sure i haven't butt-dialed them and they're listening to everything i'm saying about them!

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Eat a biscuit realise how nice it is and eat the whole packet

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When I am about to thumb up a comment here that has not happened to me, I first stop myself thinking "but that has not happened to me" then I remember I thumb up comments just because I like them and proceed to do so most of the times

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After using the restroom at someone's house I turn on the water and proceed to check myself in the mirror while the water runs and sounds like I'm washing my hands then I turn off the water and walk out.

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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Sometimes I imagine how everyone would react if I died.

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I think Lois Griffin on Family Guy is hot!

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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I love the feeling of covering my entire body in Barbisol shaving cream,shaving my cock n balls,then masturbating.have you ever done this?

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I'm starting to ignore Hollywood, the news and experts opinions more and more.

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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Sometimes I forget that there are spiders in my bedroom, so after I've seen one I can't sleep for several days for fear that they'll eat me if I do. Then I forget about them again and thus the cycle starts.

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Search "sex" whenever you see a dictionary.

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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When I'm home alone, I get paranoid and think that someone is watching me and I try to act cool and funny just to impress them.

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Never using a 0 or a 5 as the last digit while using a microwave.

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mentally scolding yourself for thinking something dirty just in case the person you're thinking about can read your thoughts

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Every time i take a drink from a cup, i rotate the cup so i never drink from the same place.

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When I watch a movie that terrifies me, I usually find myself sitting on the sofa with a kitchen knife in my hand at the end of the movie.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.