When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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I have a phobia of incest

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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I stop the microwave at 1 second so that one someone else uses it it beeps

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I pretend to get future messages. Like when I'm about to have a bad subject. I get a message from future me telling present me like 'Oh god. Yeah, brace yourself for science today.'

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When I'm driving through traffic lights that are green, I use my psychic powers to make them change so no one behind me gets through.

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Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

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When you're having a discussion or an argument with someone and you are about to say something important then you completely forget what you were going to say.

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When I Was Little I Always Slept On My Stomach Even If I Wasn't Comfortable Because I Thought It Would Be Harder For Aliens To Abduct Me.

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Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

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Getting really ticked off when Wikipedia tells you the ending of a book in the introduction. And the thing is that you don't even see it coming! Ex. My Sister's Keeper is about a family struggling with its own internal problems, especially with the oldest daughter having leukemia and the youngest is the only one who may or may not save her. *name* dies in the end. WTF?

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When I am listening to my ipod in the car or on a bus, i always remove an earphone to check if i am breathing really loudly.

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when u get something right and do a victory dance and the person to u is just like "da hell?"

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Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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wear warm clothes on hot days -jesse

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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Whenever we watch a movie or stupid educational film in school, I sleep.

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Act like your on a cooking tv show when your cooking

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I chuckle whenever I hear the phase "Stark raving mad." I don't know why.

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Go through funny pictures and memes on Facebook, and then accidently miss one and ten when you click to go back you have to go through like 5 more to get back to the one you want.

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dont turn my fan up so high cause i think its going to fall and slice me to bits -jesse

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When riding in a car I pump my arms to pretend I'm running at an incredible rate.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.