(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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sometime i poop in my hand, then put it in the toilet so it makes less noise and the water doesn't splash up my butt.

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If I see the same model of vehicle as mine in a parking lot, I get overly excited if I manage to get a parking spot next to it. Extra points for same color or type (i.e. quad cab vs regular cab).

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You imagine your future self visiting you and tell you about your life.

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Rubbing your scalp and watching your dandruff fall like snowflakes

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http://www.todayswhatsappstatus.com/

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Think that some of the posts here are pretty damn normal and how that means I am much weirder than I thought I was

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get home from work and masturbate instantly

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DAS RITE MODERFOCKER! NOWUN MESSIS WIF FIRLUPE!!' (throws wine in face)

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I hate being called "buddy".

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Wonder if I have a twin across the world and he makes all the opposite decisions.

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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Spending the night at someone's house and waking up and thinking your at your house then realizing your not

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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Daydream about doing unspeakable things(killing, raping, beating, cutting, shooting, ect.) to the person you hate

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try as hard as possible to not use the last of the toilet paper so you don't have to change the roll and inadvertently force someone else to do it.

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cringe when I squeeze a cotton ball, ugh

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I set my alarm clock early just so I can get up snooze it.... One, two, three, maybe even four times.

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when i realise for example that my shoes are stinking i get really paranoid and try to cover them under the table or something because i feel that everyone is thinking about it or is covering their nose or stuff

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try not to step on cracks on the sidewalk

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When im in a public toilet, i try not to make any sounds when taking a crap, not even a fart, so that when i come out no one will think i was taking a crap.

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Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.