Try to think of as many as my female friends as literally possible while masturbating. Rapid Fire envisioning each one I can think of - regardless of their attractiveness - taking my load in one place or another, until I actually cum.

I always think I have special powers

When listening to music I imagine myself and people in a movie scene that fits the music.

When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

open the fridge A eat food B think

Try to balance the light switch between on and off.

Sometimes I become paranoid that the ceiling is going to randomly come crashing down and kill me.

get insulted when lazy people cheer you to work hard

Sweep up the dirt into the dustpan and sweep the stuff you can't get under the cabinet.

Stepping on people's feet when I approach to kiss/hug/say hi to them.

How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

I make it sound like i'm ordering for more than one person when I'm really only getting fast food for myself.

I got a lot of high rated entries, but they dont contain Moral: This.

When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

Eating chicken at KFC.

It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

Turning on the dryers in the bathroom so no one will hear you peeing

When I was younger I started doing a weird habit of playing music and spinning around in circles in my room... .. I still do it to this day.

Before I sing in the car, I always have to make sure I haven’t accidently butt-dialed anyone. –Ikka

I always get paranoid when I go to take a shit because I leave the computer on and somebody comes in the room where the computer is.

When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.