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chewing icecream before you swallow it

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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When you accidentally mess up a password, delete the entire thing and redo it since you don't know which part you messed up.

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run up the stairs when its night so that the monsters dont catch you

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While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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on hot summer days when I exit the shower I only dry off my legs to the point where they aren't dripping but my leg hair is still wet.

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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I avoid my wealthy but cool relatives because I don't want them to think I want money

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Give vocal commentary on the song I just played when I'm the only one in the car.

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

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Sometimes I kiss my hand and pretend it's a person I like.

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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I always go to sleep with every single one of my stuffed animals in my arms at the same time because I think that they get lonely and sad if I pick certain ones. Then again I sometimes wonder if they secretly hate me and think I'm a weird creep for hugging all of them every night. I'm 24.

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I can't brush my teeth with the toilet lid up.

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In public,try to make eye contact with most people.

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Smile like a damn dork when I watch romantic movies.

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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Walk next to someone so you don't look too lonely.

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I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.