almost asleep and your body randomly jerks and scares you

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even though you know you turned the light off, you have to go check before you can get to sleep

I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

Take a dump in the dark... Anyone but me?

Open the fridge, nothing there, close fridge, open again just to make sure nothing has magically appeared

When walking in a pub or a mall or any place which has music playing, I walk along with the beats thinking that I will look super cool doing that!

Go to the kitchen to eat, forget what I'm doing, go back to whatever I was doing, and realizing that I'm hungry.

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

When taking a pee instead of standing in front of the toilet stand in the side so if someone walks in they wont see your penis

Closing your eyes and covering your ears when you think someone is going to throw up.

When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

I delete all notifications on my phone before i shut it off.

You remember something funny. You smile like an idiot. Everyone around thinks your weird for randomly smiling.

Receiving or finding something cool in your dream, then waking up thinking you have it and realize you don't.

I think SpongeBob and Patrick are rude, inconsiderate a_holes. ... That's right, I'm an adult and I watch SpongeBob. lol

When I am driving, I hate everyone else who is driving.

Playing with your phone or remote throwinng it up and down until it hits your face

Fake a yawn to see if other people will yawn back.

Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

Thinking you could bump into someone by the corner of a building (or a wall)

When I climb into bed every night, I always say, "Bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed," while shifting until I am comfortablely settled.

Reach my hand inside the room to turn the light on before I go in.

When I see someone I know walking toward me as I'm walking toward them from a long way away, I pretend I don't see them until we're right on top of each other, then, miraculously discovering them, I smile and say, "Hi".

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.