You do a retarded dance when a song you don't like comes on

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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sit in the shower

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Stare blankly at your desktop when someone walks in the room so they won't know that you were watching porn lol

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Think of something really hilarious to put on the internet, read the rest of a post, and then forget what you were going to write.

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Laugh softly when you hear someone else cry

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Hearing someone say something but saying "what" because you need more time to think of an answer

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use the restroom at a different floor/building when taking a dump at work.

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Learn how to say "I love you" in a different language, just to say it to the person you like and observe their dumbfounded expressions.

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Scratch my ass/armpit and HAVE to smell it.

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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Think of someone you love while trying to fall asleep.

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I brush my teeth in the shower and use the shower for a waterpik.

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For some reason, I smile whenever I'm telling someone bad news or a sad story. I always try to not smile, but it doesn't work and I feel like a terrible person.

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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Start thinking about my blinking and feel that I am blinking weird

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Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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When you get in trouble, think of what you could have said or done so you could've gotten away with it.

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say "ow" when your character in a video game gets hurt

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See a ridiculously hot girl and wonder to myself "who is the guy who gets to have sex with her. And why does she like him?" As if that can help me bag an equally hotter girl.

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think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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When im alone i have a conversation with myself

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I can't trill my R's

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.