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chewing icecream before you swallow it

I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

When you accidentally mess up a password, delete the entire thing and redo it since you don't know which part you messed up.

run up the stairs when its night so that the monsters dont catch you

While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

on hot summer days when I exit the shower I only dry off my legs to the point where they aren't dripping but my leg hair is still wet.

I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

I avoid my wealthy but cool relatives because I don't want them to think I want money

Give vocal commentary on the song I just played when I'm the only one in the car.

Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

Sometimes I kiss my hand and pretend it's a person I like.

never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

I always go to sleep with every single one of my stuffed animals in my arms at the same time because I think that they get lonely and sad if I pick certain ones. Then again I sometimes wonder if they secretly hate me and think I'm a weird creep for hugging all of them every night. I'm 24.

I can't brush my teeth with the toilet lid up.

In public,try to make eye contact with most people.

Smile like a damn dork when I watch romantic movies.

thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

Walk next to someone so you don't look too lonely.

I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.