When I woke up this morning I was asleep.

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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Can't stand it if something rubs against my knees up the way...if it happens i have to rub them down the way with my hands or they feel weird

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When an ice cube fall on the floor I kick it under the fridge.

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

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I sometimes wonder if im a baby and my whole life is just a big dream

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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when you have just ended a argument with someone and you think what else you could of said that would have been better to say

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eat the salt from the bottom of the pretzel bag

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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Decide to think about important things in the shower, but continually lose the train of thought and eventually give up.

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When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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Try having a conversation with your friends parents but keep saying yeah the whole time

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Trying not to fart when laughing is challenging.

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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Turns the bathroom sink water on so no one hears you pee nikki

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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When something you're sat on makes a noise that sounds like a FART. So you try and do the noise again, to make sure people are aware that the noise was the chair and not you!

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Sometimes I stay as still as I can and stare at myself in the mirror until it scares me and I freak out about who I am and why I'm living. I have to think of my family and memories to snap out of it.

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Play my music so low in public that I can hardly hear it in my headphones for fear of others being able to hear what I'm listening to.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.