(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

sometime i poop in my hand, then put it in the toilet so it makes less noise and the water doesn't splash up my butt.

If I see the same model of vehicle as mine in a parking lot, I get overly excited if I manage to get a parking spot next to it. Extra points for same color or type (i.e. quad cab vs regular cab).

You imagine your future self visiting you and tell you about your life.

Rubbing your scalp and watching your dandruff fall like snowflakes

http://www.todayswhatsappstatus.com/

Think that some of the posts here are pretty damn normal and how that means I am much weirder than I thought I was

get home from work and masturbate instantly

DAS RITE MODERFOCKER! NOWUN MESSIS WIF FIRLUPE!!' (throws wine in face)

I hate being called "buddy".

Wonder if I have a twin across the world and he makes all the opposite decisions.

Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

Spending the night at someone's house and waking up and thinking your at your house then realizing your not

I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

Daydream about doing unspeakable things(killing, raping, beating, cutting, shooting, ect.) to the person you hate

try as hard as possible to not use the last of the toilet paper so you don't have to change the roll and inadvertently force someone else to do it.

cringe when I squeeze a cotton ball, ugh

I set my alarm clock early just so I can get up snooze it.... One, two, three, maybe even four times.

when i realise for example that my shoes are stinking i get really paranoid and try to cover them under the table or something because i feel that everyone is thinking about it or is covering their nose or stuff

try not to step on cracks on the sidewalk

When im in a public toilet, i try not to make any sounds when taking a crap, not even a fart, so that when i come out no one will think i was taking a crap.

Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.