When on long car rides through the mountains of Cali, look at a fence and pretend its a roller coaster and talk like im on it with a friend. And when the fence ends,name and rate it like it was real -Nirp

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Only use the left earphone.

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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Smile like an idiot while reading this site.

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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Spending the night at someone's house and waking up and thinking your at your house then realizing your not

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If I read that someone said something a certain way in a book I try to mimic their voice.

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When the car ride is silent, I wink with my right eye when I pass a sign on the right, and the opposite for the left. And then when there's a double yellow line, I close my eyes.

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before going to a party, i rehearse the conversations i expect to have with the people who will be there (even though those conversations never actually happent)

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Think that everything you do is life is being recorded by secret cameras and you're on a reality show. But you don't actually know. The Truman Show. -Robert

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Whenever we watch a movie or stupid educational film in school, I sleep.

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smoke marijuana

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"Turn the tv volume with my feet" "Take a wood stick and think it's a sword"

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sometime i poop in my hand, then put it in the toilet so it makes less noise and the water doesn't splash up my butt.

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Courtesy flush.

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Looking up 'How to tell if your crush likes you' to get assurance that he/she loves you

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I think SpongeBob and Patrick are rude, inconsiderate a_holes. ... That's right, I'm an adult and I watch SpongeBob. lol

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pissing really fast to remove shit stains in the toilet

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moving your hand with objects that are already moving and pretending you have the force.

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When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.