Try to think of as many as my female friends as literally possible while masturbating. Rapid Fire envisioning each one I can think of - regardless of their attractiveness - taking my load in one place or another, until I actually cum.

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I always think I have special powers

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When listening to music I imagine myself and people in a movie scene that fits the music.

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When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

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think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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open the fridge A eat food B think

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Try to balance the light switch between on and off.

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Sometimes I become paranoid that the ceiling is going to randomly come crashing down and kill me.

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get insulted when lazy people cheer you to work hard

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Sweep up the dirt into the dustpan and sweep the stuff you can't get under the cabinet.

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Stepping on people's feet when I approach to kiss/hug/say hi to them.

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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I make it sound like i'm ordering for more than one person when I'm really only getting fast food for myself.

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I got a lot of high rated entries, but they dont contain Moral: This.

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When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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Eating chicken at KFC.

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It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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Turning on the dryers in the bathroom so no one will hear you peeing

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When I was younger I started doing a weird habit of playing music and spinning around in circles in my room... .. I still do it to this day.

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Before I sing in the car, I always have to make sure I haven’t accidently butt-dialed anyone. –Ikka

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I always get paranoid when I go to take a shit because I leave the computer on and somebody comes in the room where the computer is.

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.