Pretend animals talk to you!

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When my soap is running low, I add water to it.

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I talk to my pet when no one is home.

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Blow dry my dick and balls after getting out of the shower.

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Likes that girggle sound you make after a burp.

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While in the shower, after ive used soap and stuff i turn the water to cold and i pretend im on fear factor and close my eyes so i cannot see what i am trying to get while crawling through freezing cold water

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Sometimes I lie in bed and wonder what the house would look like upside down.

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Not clicking the Facebook 'like' button on "pee in the side of the toilet so its not as loud", because it will show up on your profile, and you think other people will think you're strange.

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If I see a shriveled, dried leaf while walking along the sidewalk I am compelled to step on it and make it crunch.

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I ejaculate fire and glory

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When texting someone on the toilet & they ask, "What are you doing?" I respond with, "Oh, just chillin." LOL. -Jade

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Right after moving to a new place I check my room for hidden cameras.

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Writing/ Typing "wemon" to represent more than 1 women, but then realizing that it's not actually a word...

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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pull the poo out of my butt when im too impatient to push it out

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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I sometimes feel the desire to grab something fragile and - not out of anger, just because it would be funny - hurl it across the room to watch it explode.

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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Pee in the shower

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Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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When watching television, I give people I don't like the finger

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.