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When something you're sat on makes a noise that sounds like a FART. So you try and do the noise again, to make sure people are aware that the noise was the chair and not you!

Hearing someone say something but saying "what" because you need more time to think of an answer

I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

Avoid as many television commercials as I can

pretend celebrities are watching you then getting really freaked out.

i see almost everything as a sign

get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

Everytime I look at the clock it see so say 4 20 9 11 or 11 11

Picking my nose.

I randomly highlight stuff when I'm reading something, only to click outside of the text so I can actually read it.

I tend to stand in front of mirrors and stare at myself to the point of my face changing to a more evil look than normal and freaking myself out, and forcing myself to either look away, or down.

When you get in trouble, think of what you could have said or done so you could've gotten away with it.

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Totally piss myself off by thinking of future confrontations that probably won't happen.

when i listen to music in my earphones, i always pretend its me performing the song to an audience.

after having a hot shower I sometimes just sit in my room wearing just a towel

Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

When I'm on an escalator going up, I always imagine myself falling back and how incredibly painful (and possibly bloody) it must be.

You do a retarded dance when a song you don't like comes on

Picking your nose to get rid of that annoying whistling in your nose when you breathe.

get home from work and masturbate instantly

Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

pissing really fast to remove shit stains in the toilet

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.