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Sitting down in the shower

Turn the Microwave off at 1 second

sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

When I'm reading a book and I come to a word that is long or difficult to pronounce every time I come to that word again I pronounce it 'manamanam'.

I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

Whenever i hear myself in a video or something to me, it sounds way higher pitched than when I hear myself talking Is it just me?

Before posting a comment when you need several consecutive tries to type the words in the box because the lettering is so damn hard to read. But your friend can do it in one try. He got the easy one.

Close the Facebook page, after not having a single message in hours, and re open it in a minute, expecting numerous new messages......

.don't like something because being scared that it appears on my wall.

I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

When I'm waiting for someone who is late. I go-over in my head how I'm going to greet them. For example "Well, it's about damn time", or "Finally!".

I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

Not answer a question or something of the sort Evan if you know you know the answer because you are paranoid that you are wrong.

That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

Fart after someone else farts sop that no one will know you did too.

I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

After washing butt, turn my butt towards the shower and spread butt cheeks apart to wash the soap out of my crack.

The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

When i'm eating small, colored foods like skittles or gummies, i have to have one on each side of my mouth so one side doesn't feel happier than the other and they have to be different colors.

When someone is reading something I have to read it at sonic speed in my head before they get to the end and if i dont do it in time I get angry.

Sometimes I see on the clock, the seconds needle go back 1 second and then never do that again for the rest of the day/week or whenever I'm staring at the clock for it to happen again. -Mike

Feeling sorry for inanimate objects

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.