Instead of using the twist ties on bread, I spin the bag of bread and then tuck the flap underneath.

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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make food scream if i chop them up.

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Picking your dogs booger for him/her

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When I loose something , I buy a new one, then continue to find the old one the next day.

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When I see that someone else is typing while I'm texting them, I try to quickly finish what I'm typing and send it so that I won't have to change my response.

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I imagine myself dying in the worst possible way more than once a day. I don't know...today, I was driving on a bridge and all I could picture was it collapsing and falling onto me, When I'm lying in bed, I imagine my ceiling fan toppling me.

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Doing something bad, then being ashamed because you think your dead family members watch you doing it saying tsk tsk

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Mentally preparing yourself to step on a crunchy-looking leaf, only to discover it is in fact soggy, soft and unsatisfactory.

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I have to check my closet for monsters so they don't get me while I sleep

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Closed the door to the refrigerator super slow, just to watch the light turn off.

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When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

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use the restroom at a different floor/building when taking a dump at work.

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take 2 coffes in 2 seconds cause dont remember the first coffee! o.O

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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I like to poo while smoking.

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When I go up the stairs, I always have to end on my right foot. If I have to, I will even hop on one foot on the last stair in order to land on it.

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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When someone is reading something out loud in class...and they are reading REALLY slow...You quietly read fast and you try to beat them to the end of the paragraph

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When I'm walking along and just trip over my own foot I look back and pretend to look at whatever it was I tripped over.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.