I always have excellent manners when eating around others, but when I'm alone I eat like a pig and have no manners.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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If im eating food i shouldnt and i dont want anybody to know i jump if anyone comes in and catches me.

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Put my finger over one pixel of my digital alarm clock, because I know that's the only one that will change in the next minute. Take it off. MAGIC.

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Feel all cool and look suspiciously at everybody else while leaving the theater after a good dramatic movie.

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when I have an itch on my hand I scratch it with my stubble

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When I'm around people, I sometimes yell in my head "STOP READING MY MIND! I KNOW YOU'RE DOING IT, SO STOP!" just in case.

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You feel compelled to stab someone in the face... But you don't since you know its wrong. Instead you play violent video games to get it off your mind.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftcodes.info <

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The ability to go one hour back in time by concentrating really hard for two hours.

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squezzing moisturisure/tooth paste really hard cos the top is all dry and then a shit load comes out all at once

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Check behind the shower curtain for a killer.

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Listen to the same songs for years on end without ever knowing the lyrics because they've been the soundtracks for your daydreams.

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When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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I type a comment here and secretly feel special

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Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

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when you bleed you suck your own blood

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Saying "ow" even though whatever happened did not actually hurt, but you thought that it would.

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When I poop I pretend to make my wiener talk.

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Sitting down in the shower

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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draw little triangles while coulouring in to make it seem that theres not so much work -jesse

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.