tell everyone that you think that mcdonalds is unhealthy and that you think there food is nasty but in reality you actually love it.

Whenever I go to a new place, I look around and carefully plan my escape route in case of zombies.

Try having a conversation with your friends parents but keep saying yeah the whole time

Blow dry my dick and balls after getting out of the shower.

Know all the lyrics to a song but then realize you never actually "listened" to the song to see what it's about

accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

When you're all alone, practice for an interview you're bound to have when you're rich and famous and say other people's responses when they are asked about working with you.

wonder why the word "MORTGAGE" has a T in it?

Whenever I read creepy pastas and there is a picture after the story I get afraid to look at it than when I do I freak out thinking it's going to eat me. Than when I look at it I shout FUUUUUUU.. Than look at it some more and I burst out laughing seeing its a fucking dumb picture.

Show desktop when mom or dad walks in.

I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

Think of the best come-backs ever, a few seconds after the time to use them would be.

Getting the strong urge to "woo" or scream in a large and quiet crowd, such as during church.

When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

I wonder if things are there because I see it and if I was not there to see it would it disappear?

I say my first name every night before I go to sleep because I want it to be the last thing I say before I die.

Pretend to cough in class so other people could pretend to cough

Try to keep a balloon in the air with out touching the ground, using anything but my hands -Noel

when looking for lost keys i return to the place they should be at least 5 times and look there

When using the bathroom count the tiles on the floor or shower wall or read a shampoo bottle.

I like to say really offensive and/and racist words when I'm on my own and no one can hear me. It just feels good to say things that I'm not allowed to.

you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

When you drop something and then drop it again as soon as you start picking it up

After using the restroom at someone's house I turn on the water and proceed to check myself in the mirror while the water runs and sounds like I'm washing my hands then I turn off the water and walk out.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.