squezzing moisturisure/tooth paste really hard cos the top is all dry and then a shit load comes out all at once

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get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

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Every new years eve I like to watch the date on my computer change all three the day, the month, and the year

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pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

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getting self conscious when wearing a hoodie because you start pitting out and you can start to smell BO...

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Thinking epic thoughts like "Man, had a great workout today" just in case someone is reading my mind.

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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I wonder if old women enjoy sex?

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Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

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Think that when you're reading something or watching tv some people somewhere are knowing what your watching or whether or not you understand what you just read so you don't wanna reread it to risk looking stupid.

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I look at people and think, "they poop" then as I'm imagining them pooping I hurry and change thoughts before they finish.

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Too lazy to exercise. Think to self "I'm gonna work out tomorrow." - instantly feel better about self. Still didn't exercise.

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use any nearby window's reflection you walk by to check on appearance.

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Poop naked.

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When telemarketers call I speak Afrikaans to them until they hang up

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Drink alcohol out of styrofoam soda cups on the bus and train.

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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Sometimes when I'm excitedly hurrying out of the house, I skip for a brief moment.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.