Sleep with pillow between legs

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Finally understand the meaning of a song i used to like as a child....... Im a Barbie girl in a Barbie world-Noel

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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I feel that getting a 98 on a test is better than getting a 99.

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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Make scary faces in the mirror and try to scare myself

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Every time i find an insect in my basement i grab it put it in the toilet and pee on it victoriously while its being flushed down. But Im a nice guy, and i worry about this evil hatred i have towards insects.

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Dramatically narrate everything I do in my head as I do it.

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I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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when I get a really good idea, I write notes in excruciating detail, as I believe my brilliance will quickly disappear and I will have no idea what I was writing about ..

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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Sometimes I would just be thinking to myself and then think of something funny and laugh but I don't share it with anyone else makes me look insane.

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While at the movies, grab and eat your popcorn with your tongue and pretend you are a lizard.

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toilet:a place for reading and going on fb shower:place for singing school:place for sleeping and fuck others.internet:place for shitting brixs.

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Always think good thoughts before I go to bed so that I have good dreams

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do things without turning the lights on and feel like a ninja.

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When you had a crush on a girl in elementary school, then don't see her in middle school and think of how much of a bitch she was. Then You start crushing on her again in high school.

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

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close one eye or the other to move an object near by when I'm bored -Noel

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when u get something right and do a victory dance and the person to u is just like "da hell?"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.