Sometimes when walking, accidently fart and then try to squeak my to sound like my shoes squeaked instead of me farting.

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Think to myself "If I would have stuck to my diet I would be at my goal weight by now"

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When the hero of a movie is drowning I hold my breath to see if I would survive.

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When I see interactive ads on webpages ( "Shoot 5 iPhones And Get One Free!" type of windows ), I feel compelled to finish the task, even though I KNOW it's going to open a pop-up and waste 10 seconds of my life.

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Look at my eyes really close in the mirror and turn the lights off, wait, and then back on just watch my pupils change size. PS: Really? No way - I could've sworn I was the only weirdo who did that!

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I piss excellence, shit suppority and whip myself with greatness.

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When I walk from one room to the next, I make believe that the room I just left exploded, and that I made it out just in time.

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Pee in a glass and pour it down the sink, if someone is using the bathroom already.

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Still can't walk on cracks. If I step on the crack with one foot, the other has to as well.

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whenever I see those commercials where there is two people talking to each other but they constantly look at me it really irritates me

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Sometimes, I skim through the Terms of Service just to make sure I'm not selling my soul or promising my first-born.

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When I hear a sound that I don't know what is, while I'm in an unfamiliar place, I wipe off and then touch as many surfaces as possible. It makes me think that if I'm taken by some scary person, my fingerprints will be easily found. I'm not sure why that would help in many cases, but it makes me feel better.

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I constantly try to turn something I say into my catch phrase.

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Imagine the perfect video game and wonder why nobody made it yet.

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I put a small amount of water in glasses and freeze them for hot days when I want a cool drink

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I stick one foot out of my blanket so I'm not hot or cold.

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when i was a kid, i lookup dirty words in the english dictionary as substitute for porn :(

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When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

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When I am walking and accidentally touch a strangers hand I pretend it never happened -Marquez, P

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See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

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Forgetting the same word over and over again and having a spaz attack when you can't remember it for more than a couple of seconds.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.