Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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When the font allows it, try to hide the cursor in capital I's.

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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go on a diet, buy a lot of healthy food, eat it all the same day. 2 weeks later repeat.

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You tell your friends that you hate the Rick roll'd song even though you secretly like it.

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When I see someone I know walking toward me as I'm walking toward them from a long way away, I pretend I don't see them until we're right on top of each other, then, miraculously discovering them, I smile and say, "Hi".

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I always save a bite of my favorite food for last so that is the taste I have in my mouth when the meal is over.

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When I climb into bed every night, I always say, "Bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed," while shifting until I am comfortablely settled.

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I think about life problems in the shower

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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When a tooth is very loose,i shake it with my tongue because that pain is relaxing.

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When i am home alone i think there are hidden cameras in my house and wave at objects that might conceal the camers to scare the people looking through them

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When no one is home or if no one is looking you go in the fridge and drink right out of the bottle.

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you wonder if things look the same through other peoples eyes

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Every time I see my self in a mirror, I feel like I'm watching someone in a different dimension and make quick movements to see if they mess up.

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Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

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I think Frozen is an overrated film

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I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole

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When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

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My brother (who is 2 years younger) and I have our own language, consisting of movie quotes and silly stuff we made up when we were little. We speak it with abandon when we're alone, and try as hard as we can to suppress it when we're with a friend. But sometimes some of it slips out, and the friend looks at us like he's the guy who isn't in on the joke; I always get the feeling he or she thinks the two of us are crazy. By the way, if you're the third person in company with two close siblings who are speaking their own secret language, don't ask them to explain or look at them like they're crazy. They're not nuts, and you won't understand, even if they try to explain. Just let it pass.

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Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

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Try to flip the dice at the casino to my number with my mind

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When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.