tell everyone that you think that mcdonalds is unhealthy and that you think there food is nasty but in reality you actually love it.

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Whenever I go to a new place, I look around and carefully plan my escape route in case of zombies.

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Try having a conversation with your friends parents but keep saying yeah the whole time

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Blow dry my dick and balls after getting out of the shower.

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Know all the lyrics to a song but then realize you never actually "listened" to the song to see what it's about

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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When you're all alone, practice for an interview you're bound to have when you're rich and famous and say other people's responses when they are asked about working with you.

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wonder why the word "MORTGAGE" has a T in it?

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Whenever I read creepy pastas and there is a picture after the story I get afraid to look at it than when I do I freak out thinking it's going to eat me. Than when I look at it I shout FUUUUUUU.. Than look at it some more and I burst out laughing seeing its a fucking dumb picture.

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Show desktop when mom or dad walks in.

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I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

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Think of the best come-backs ever, a few seconds after the time to use them would be.

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Getting the strong urge to "woo" or scream in a large and quiet crowd, such as during church.

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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I wonder if things are there because I see it and if I was not there to see it would it disappear?

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I say my first name every night before I go to sleep because I want it to be the last thing I say before I die.

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Pretend to cough in class so other people could pretend to cough

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Try to keep a balloon in the air with out touching the ground, using anything but my hands -Noel

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when looking for lost keys i return to the place they should be at least 5 times and look there

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When using the bathroom count the tiles on the floor or shower wall or read a shampoo bottle.

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I like to say really offensive and/and racist words when I'm on my own and no one can hear me. It just feels good to say things that I'm not allowed to.

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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When you drop something and then drop it again as soon as you start picking it up

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After using the restroom at someone's house I turn on the water and proceed to check myself in the mirror while the water runs and sounds like I'm washing my hands then I turn off the water and walk out.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.