Convince yourself that all of your friends are partying together without you when they dont respond to your text messages.

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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Smiling like an Idiot when you get a cute text

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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Freak out at sudden noises when home alone at night.

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Eat pizza backwards because the crust isn't as good as the cheese part and I want to get that over with.

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When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

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I chew on anything plastic. I don't think there's a pen that I haven't chewed on or a plastic cap I haven't put in my mouth. It's a horrible habit but it feels so DAMN GOOD TO CHEW!

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When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

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Check the toilet paper after wiping your ass

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I say my first name every night before I go to sleep because I want it to be the last thing I say before I die.

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Press the Microwave open button at 0:01 to feel like you defused a bomb and avoided that stupid beeping.

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When I'm walking on the sidewalks, I make a game of how to walk on the pavement squares so I don't step on a line.

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When something weird happens I nod in agreement.

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hug the pillow at night so it protects me from monsters

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Wake up, unnaturally hungry, make meal fit for a king.

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hold my shirt with my chin when i'm peeing.

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Eat the last bowl of ice cream. Then 6 hours later, you wish you hadn't. (sometimes even open the fridge and check whether you actually ate it or not)

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try to only take one step on each sidewalk square.

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When climbing onto an escalator, I cannot just step on it and go, I have to mentally prepare myself and time my steps to get on, especially if it's going down, cause I'm terrified I will fall off... I usually end up irritating the people behind me trying to get on, as it takes me almost 10 to 15 seconds to find the right step.. And also, I cannot touch the escalator's sides.

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I am sure that no one else has the same mental slowness as me and my brother. When I say mauve he says maeve and we continue like this for hours. It is certainly an exciting way of eating up those motorway miles:)

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laziness .... its all in the mind

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Someone waves at me and I wave back...and then I realize they were waving at someone behind me.

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Write a post and then find that someone else has already said it, but in a different way...wtf I'm really annoyed. And they have more likes too.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.