I gotta get down of Friday

thumb_up thumb_down -80

When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Smell a fart and don't react until someone else does.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

I look really handsome in my mirror, only to find myself looking weird in other mirrors, and like a total retard at photographies.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Rub boogers under the arm rest on the couch.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

I chew on anything plastic. I don't think there's a pen that I haven't chewed on or a plastic cap I haven't put in my mouth. It's a horrible habit but it feels so DAMN GOOD TO CHEW!

thumb_up thumb_down +192

When it's 12:59 or 4:59 or something:59, I don't let myself blink/breathe until it's 1:00 or 5:00 or something:00. Anyone?

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Agree with someones ridiculous political opinion just to avoid an argument.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Fake a yawn to see if other people will yawn back.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Use a signature that automatically gets me hundreds of red thumbs... Yeah that moral crap...

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Pee in the garbage at night when I don't want to wake the whole house up.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

thumb_up thumb_down -75

I like to say really offensive and/and racist words when I'm on my own and no one can hear me. It just feels good to say things that I'm not allowed to.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Never tell her who I was talking to on the phone and watch her nosy butt get upset

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Type in "Things you think only you do" then feel better that alot of people do the same stupid or smart things.

thumb_up thumb_down +154

Smiling like an Idiot when you get a cute text

thumb_up thumb_down +285

Check the toilet paper after wiping your ass

thumb_up thumb_down +426

When you get in trouble, think of what you could have said or done so you could've gotten away with it.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Remove all the stupid gobbldegook words that the captchas from this site add to my predictive text.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Clenching my fists, imagining I have wolverine claws coming out of my knuckles

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Give a 'thumbs up' or a 'thumbs down' based strictly on how much you like the number it will change it to.

thumb_up thumb_down +267

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.