Smell your hands to see if there dirty.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Whenever I read a book, in my head it all takes place at my own house, or some other familiar location.

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when something on the internet is loading really long i close all the other tabs so my computer can concentrate only on one thing and then i get annoyed because i have to open up all the tabs again

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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Consider selling lots of books, games or DVDs when you have too many to fit perfectly on their shelf.

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hate it when the bottom of you foot is itchy because it feels wrong to scratch it.

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I like to eat the crust on pizzas

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Read shampoo bottle when no magazine in bathroom.

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Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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Sometimes I look at people and think, "They poop."

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Sitting next to a banana called James

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On a calendar search for the picture on your birthday month

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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Sometimes I lie in bed and wonder what the house would look like upside down.

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i open the cuboard door tosee if theres anything to eat and if theres nothing there i close it and go to the fridge if theres nothing there i go back to the cuboard =)

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must have the tv volume set to an even number or feel weird

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I spin around in a spot, and then close my eyes and tilt my head up and to the opposite side i'm spinning to. It just feels awesome and it's even better while listening to music.

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I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

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I put the volume on my television so it is on any number divisible by five (5-10-15 etc. etc.)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.