While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

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Whenever i hear myself in a video or something to me, it sounds way higher pitched than when I hear myself talking Is it just me?

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When I'm over at my friends house and they get in a fight with their sibling, I just pet their dog.

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When I'm hungry I look in the fridge, but there's nothing good to eat so I shut the door and walk away. Then I look in the fridge again 10 seconds later in the hope that new food has arrived Robbie

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I think about life problems in the shower

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Sometimes I read a whole page of text only to realize I didn't actually read any of it. Then I read it again. Sometimes this happens more than 3 times for one page.

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After learning a new word, I hear it used and written EVERYWHERE for the next week.

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pee in the side of the toilet so its not as loud.

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When I'm about to get in bed, I turn my light off and then run and jump into bed so that nothing gets me.

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When I'm in a place with two different colored tiles, I only step on the colored ones and pretend the white ones are lava or off-limits.

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When does eating pop corn, take apart the bag and lick all the extra butter.

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I sometimes watch entire movies with the sound off and a good album playing.

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Wondering who would cry at your funeral

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fart

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Look at restaurant signs and realize the font isnt as fancy as you once thought

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I have an unhealthy obsession with and so always talk about Penge North Korea beige mauve and medium density fiberboard. This explains why I'm such a popular guy

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Constantly looking up at a Facebook tab while on another tab to see if you have any notifications or messages.

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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Vote up your own websites posts, to make them look more popular!

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Close you closet door whenever you are about to go to bed.

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pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

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Think about all of the germs that are on restroom doors and water taps.

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.