While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

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When I'm in a place with two different colored tiles, I only step on the colored ones and pretend the white ones are lava or off-limits.

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I think about life problems in the shower

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Reach my hand inside the room to turn the light on before I go in.

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smell your socks cause you like the smell of your own sweat

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When I'm about to get in bed, I turn my light off and then run and jump into bed so that nothing gets me.

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When someome asks you a question and you can't hear them so you say, "what?", then they say it again and you miss it so you just nod your head and say "yeah".

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When I'm hungry I look in the fridge, but there's nothing good to eat so I shut the door and walk away. Then I look in the fridge again 10 seconds later in the hope that new food has arrived Robbie

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Instead of using the twist ties on bread, I spin the bag of bread and then tuck the flap underneath.

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I wet toilet paper before I use it to wipe.

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When I'm over at my friends house and they get in a fight with their sibling, I just pet their dog.

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pee in the side of the toilet so its not as loud.

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Look at the clock to realize that it seems like the "second" hand is taking longer on the number its on right when you look at it, and/or you looked at the clock at the absolute perfect time. And it happens frequently..

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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Sex scene comes on TV while you are watching with your parents... Try to act normal... Fail.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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When I'm stressed, I pick at the skin on my head and pull white flakes out of my hair. There's nothing more satisfying to me than that.

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ASMR

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When I walk from one room to the next, I make believe that the room I just left exploded, and that I made it out just in time.

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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text somebody something and if they don't reply quickly, resend that same text.

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When no one is around I make sound effects for everything I do.

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I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole

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Pee in the shower.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.