when im alone and in a bad mood i make stupid faces with my eyes closed and try and figure out how stupid i looked. then i start laughing hysterically because i think that im an idiot. then i repeat this process until i have to pee from laughing so hard because im already in the bathroom so why not utilize the toilet, rather than waiting for a commercial and speed-peeing because im scared that i missed some of the show i was watching :D -Grace-

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Sometimes I put on my running shoes to make myself feel like I worked out but I really didn't.

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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I never side with the majority (if given a choice.)

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I never let anything go over the toilet when It's open.

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I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

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Look to the right, and see nothing. Look to the left, and see nothing. Look to the right again, and see the chick from the ring (or some scary shit) standing there.

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I think source beggars are lazy pest that should be groin kicked

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hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

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When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

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Think of something really hilarious to put on the internet, read the rest of a post, and then forget what you were going to write.

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Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

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When I walk from one room to the next, I make believe that the room I just left exploded, and that I made it out just in time.

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Ever dreamt of being naked and then waking up in horror.

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when my mum buys way too much of something I imagine were one of those 'doomsday preppers' families, with mounds of supplies in our basement.

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Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

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Naming you're offspring Peter Jankins

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While waiting on someone I check my phone and if there is no new message I just read old ones, just to be occupied and don't look stupid or lost

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Everytime I have ear buds in and I hear myself breathing, I think others can hear it too so I slow my breathing or hold my breath.

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My goal is to get as much as possible thumbs down at this post.

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My dreams are almost always bizarre in some way - the only time they're ever normal is when they're the premonition type, and then they're about completely uneventful things but accurate down to the tiniest detail.

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

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I pretend that someone can see through my eyes whenever I'm doing something cool, i guess so they think I'm cooler or something.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.