Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

When riding in a vehicle at night, where the stars are visible, I feel like they're racing us.

wonder if there are secret cameras watching my every move...

When I am walking and accidentally touch a strangers hand I pretend it never happened -Marquez, P

Pick my scabs off and then lick the blood off.

sleep with your legs crossed like your meditating.

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

Before I go to bed I have to put one of my hands between my knees in order to warm up and get comfy.

Multi task while your brushing your teeth and forget you have a tooth brush in your mouth.

get embarrassed when someone is in the public bathroom, and your shit makes a splash in the toilet

I scold or point at my electronics and tell them "No, bad!" whenever I push the wrong button or shut them off on accident.

I really like taking shits.

When laying in bed I put the covers over my head and act like I'm in different places..caves..tent..etc..

I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

When i'm done sleeping, I wake up.

Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

While driving out in the country area, I am secretly looking for Squatch

forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

Sometimes...when no one is home, i talk and dance with my dog as if he was person :)

Say "ow" when I drop something or before I get hurt

Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.