Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

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When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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When riding in a vehicle at night, where the stars are visible, I feel like they're racing us.

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wonder if there are secret cameras watching my every move...

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When I am walking and accidentally touch a strangers hand I pretend it never happened -Marquez, P

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Pick my scabs off and then lick the blood off.

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sleep with your legs crossed like your meditating.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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Before I go to bed I have to put one of my hands between my knees in order to warm up and get comfy.

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Multi task while your brushing your teeth and forget you have a tooth brush in your mouth.

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get embarrassed when someone is in the public bathroom, and your shit makes a splash in the toilet

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I scold or point at my electronics and tell them "No, bad!" whenever I push the wrong button or shut them off on accident.

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I really like taking shits.

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When laying in bed I put the covers over my head and act like I'm in different places..caves..tent..etc..

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I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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When i'm done sleeping, I wake up.

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Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

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While driving out in the country area, I am secretly looking for Squatch

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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Sometimes...when no one is home, i talk and dance with my dog as if he was person :)

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Say "ow" when I drop something or before I get hurt

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.