Scratch my ass/armpit and HAVE to smell it.

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

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When winking, I feel as if I have to wink with the other eye to be fair to both eyes.

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Check an insane amount of times to see if the door is locked, then finally get back to jerking off.

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When you're alone in a room and you have to turn on the TV so it's not as silent...

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When I see someone I know walking toward me as I'm walking toward them from a long way away, I pretend I don't see them until we're right on top of each other, then, miraculously discovering them, I smile and say, "Hi".

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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Take out all the marshmallows in a bowl of Lucky Charms, eat the "cat food" (the dry cereal that looks like dry kitty food!), then put the marshmallows back in the milk and eat them!

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Sunday's are making me feel depressed.

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Yell at game shows when the people are stupid

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I have a band in my head that performs for me every time I listen to music.

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Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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I daydream and consequently spend twenty minutes having a dump

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I get angry when people use question marks where they don't belong. QUESTION marks are for QUESTIONS. Not statements or opinions >:( "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion?" X FFFUU- "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion." ?

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When I stop thinking about about something it'll turn out that I've been staring at someone without meaning to.

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When I am home alone and I hear something upstairs, I pretend my Dad is here and say really loudly, "Hey Dad! When are you going to your violent national wrestling match tonight?!"

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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Not expecting anyone to come over, some one knocks on the front door, mute the TV and hope they just go away.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.