Avoid as many television commercials as I can

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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After you wipe your butt and crotch with a towel, you dont want the towel to touch your face. Next night, dry your face and head first.

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Try to flip the dice at the casino to my number with my mind

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When watching television, I give people I don't like the finger

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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when a sex scene comes on the tv i try make up an excuse to go somewhere like i need a drink or a pee.

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watch cartoons even though most of my friends don't

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I pretend that I've caught the man in the walk/don't walk sign doing something bad and I stare at him accusingly

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Look at the clock to realize that it seems like the "second" hand is taking longer on the number its on right when you look at it, and/or you looked at the clock at the absolute perfect time. And it happens frequently..

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watch old shows I used to watch when I was younger

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when being in the bathroom at night, avoid looking in the mirror

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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When I'm walking on pavement or tiles I always make patterns, e.g stepping on every second tile, stepping a certain amount of times on each bit of pavement

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Watch scary movies even though your afraid of the dark.

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When I am in a car i always think there is massive swords coming out the edge of the car and make everything the same length up

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I say my first name every night before I go to sleep because I want it to be the last thing I say before I die.

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I hate being called "buddy".

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when you are pooping you fart and it scares you a little bit.

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When I use deodorant, I flap my arms like a chicken a couple of times to get some air moving under there...

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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Find something on this site that you actually do not do, and think how weird the person who wrote that must be.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.