Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Sometimes I forget that there are spiders in my bedroom, so after I've seen one I can't sleep for several days for fear that they'll eat me if I do. Then I forget about them again and thus the cycle starts.

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When I'm in a place with two different colored tiles, I only step on the colored ones and pretend the white ones are lava or off-limits.

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ask my dog questions then realize, she can't talk...

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I always cry when I pray.

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Wishing you could go back in time and do a situation over again, becuase you regret the stuff you did.

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Absentmindedly rub your stomach while lying down watching or reading.

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When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

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While waiting on someone I check my phone and if there is no new message I just read old ones, just to be occupied and don't look stupid or lost

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When im blazed i like of all the stupid shit i did that day but always tell myself "its fine, i didnt feel dumb about those things sober"

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Abuse your pet when nobody's looking

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When you stop to tie you shoe, you re-tie the other so one isnt tighter than the other.

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Made after doomsday plans

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When I am home alone and I hear something upstairs, I pretend my Dad is here and say really loudly, "Hey Dad! When are you going to your violent national wrestling match tonight?!"

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Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

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Decide to think about important things in the shower, but continually lose the train of thought and eventually give up.

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I cover my webcam on my when I fap in fear that someone/something is watching.

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Wonder what would happen if you started screaming and defecating in public.

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I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

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when you kill a bug you act like a god and yell something before you kill it

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Touching your nipples at night wondering if anyone else wanted to touch them all day :)

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When watching a video or listening to music, take earbuds out four or five times in repetition to make sure that no one can hear the audio but you, then check them again when someone comes within twenty feet of you. Then, spend the rest of the time feeling awkward and expecting someone to jump out of the bushes and take a video of that idiot with the defective headphones.

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A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

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Solving your problems in bed before sleeping and then forgetting all of the solutions when you wake up. This applies to games, homework, and world hunger.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.