When I sneeze I hold my balls ( only when Im alone)

i always wipe the ketchup off my face with the bread of my sandwich

Look at a word and count the letters by 2's - continue counting the letters over and over by 2's until it comes out even at the end of the word.

I can't get out of bed in the mornings unless the alarm clock reads 0 or 5.

When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other in the same way just to be fair to both hands

When no one's looking, I run up stairs on hands and feet.

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Instead of using the twist ties on bread, I spin the bag of bread and then tuck the flap underneath.

When i feel the back of my right hand starting to itch. in a few days, i get some money. When the back of my left hand itches.Some money goes.

Saying "ow" even though whatever happened did not actually hurt, but you thought that it would.

I flip the pillow at night to feel the cool sensation.

Courtesy flush.

Thinking your life is a movie...

While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

Whenever i hear myself in a video or something to me, it sounds way higher pitched than when I hear myself talking Is it just me?

Think that the shirts and bras that the girl you like should have never ben invented for that one specific person

People looking at me when listening to my Ipod. "Can they hear my music?" *turn volume down*

Having to step on snails to hear the crunch

Try to balance the light switch between on and off.

When I go to the bathroom I put toilet paper over my penis and pretend its a ghost

Walk around aimlessly when talking on the phone.

I wet toilet paper before I use it to wipe.

Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.