Smell your hands to see if there dirty.

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

Whenever I read a book, in my head it all takes place at my own house, or some other familiar location.

when something on the internet is loading really long i close all the other tabs so my computer can concentrate only on one thing and then i get annoyed because i have to open up all the tabs again

judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

Consider selling lots of books, games or DVDs when you have too many to fit perfectly on their shelf.

hate it when the bottom of you foot is itchy because it feels wrong to scratch it.

I like to eat the crust on pizzas

Read shampoo bottle when no magazine in bathroom.

Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

Sometimes I look at people and think, "They poop."

Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

Sitting next to a banana called James

On a calendar search for the picture on your birthday month

Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

Sometimes I lie in bed and wonder what the house would look like upside down.

i open the cuboard door tosee if theres anything to eat and if theres nothing there i close it and go to the fridge if theres nothing there i go back to the cuboard =)

must have the tv volume set to an even number or feel weird

I spin around in a spot, and then close my eyes and tilt my head up and to the opposite side i'm spinning to. It just feels awesome and it's even better while listening to music.

I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

I put the volume on my television so it is on any number divisible by five (5-10-15 etc. etc.)

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.