When I step on something pokey, I don't say the quick "OW" that is expected, I go the extra syllable and a say "JOW!"

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I hit the frig after sex

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Sitting next to a banana called James

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Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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When I'm driving through traffic lights that are green, I use my psychic powers to make them change so no one behind me gets through.

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I eat food when i'm bored..

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Laugh softly when you hear someone else cry

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laziness .... its all in the mind

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Ever played the sims, then wondered if you were just apart of a game and that maybe someone is controlling YOUR every move? Yeah. Me too.

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Walking down stairs. Accidently miss last step. Feel like you're going to die.

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Seriously I am tired but, I read the fucking solvemedia stating "forget this", then I stood there for a moment having just forgot what I was supposed to type. "Was I not supposed to forget what I just read?" Nero: BRAINWASHING! FORGET THIS AND LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER! IM LEUTANANT BANGUS YOUR MUTHERUS YOU IDIOT!

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When i'm eating M&Ms, I save one of each color until the end so I can eat them all at once.

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Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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I sometimes wonder if im a baby and my whole life is just a big dream

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I used to do almost everything an even number of times because I thought that if I didn't something bad would happen.

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When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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thumb down this post

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

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I stare at the paint impasto on the ceiling until I see faces.

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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Open Fridge, look around for few seconds, say to self - 'What the f*** am I doing?'

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creating your own personal perfect partner in romance or frendship, almost like a imaginary friend (but you don't speak to them out loud)

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I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.