I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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When I climb into bed every night, I always say, "Bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed," while shifting until I am comfortablely settled.

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Someone asks a question and you say "what?" and then answer them because you actually heard but didn't realize it.

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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I keep tearing the little piece of skin next to my thumb nail until it hurts - and even if it bleeds I have to get it off.

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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Become self-conscious and wonder if you were making faces while day dreaming during the middle of class.

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arrange certain social situations with attractive girls just to make spank bank deposits.

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being a mid-teenager, never having a relationship before and don't care at all.

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try to count down when the school be is going to ring.

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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misread dig bick

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when I need to do a number 2 in a public toilet I put toilet paper in there first so my neighbours cant hear it.

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Moral: Damn I clicked on pointless super powers how did I get here! Moral: I wrote the "thing only I do" below :P

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When peeing, if I get pee on the seat I will flush the toilet before wiping it and then see if I can quickly wipe it and toss the toilet paper in the toilet before it finishes flushing.

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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flushing the toilet eventho not yet finish pee-ing. So that the water sucks it right after the last drop of your pee. Saves 2-3seconds of your life.

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Change my name on Siri on iPhone to something hillarius and make it say my name

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When I masturbate I trade hands often in fear that my penis may become crooked.

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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When you get out of the shower and you're too lazy to get dressed, so you just hang around in a towel.

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I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.