When I step on something pokey, I don't say the quick "OW" that is expected, I go the extra syllable and a say "JOW!"

I hit the frig after sex

Sitting next to a banana called James

Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

When I'm driving through traffic lights that are green, I use my psychic powers to make them change so no one behind me gets through.

I eat food when i'm bored..

Laugh softly when you hear someone else cry

laziness .... its all in the mind

Ever played the sims, then wondered if you were just apart of a game and that maybe someone is controlling YOUR every move? Yeah. Me too.

Walking down stairs. Accidently miss last step. Feel like you're going to die.

Seriously I am tired but, I read the fucking solvemedia stating "forget this", then I stood there for a moment having just forgot what I was supposed to type. "Was I not supposed to forget what I just read?" Nero: BRAINWASHING! FORGET THIS AND LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER! IM LEUTANANT BANGUS YOUR MUTHERUS YOU IDIOT!

When i'm eating M&Ms, I save one of each color until the end so I can eat them all at once.

Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

I sometimes wonder if im a baby and my whole life is just a big dream

I used to do almost everything an even number of times because I thought that if I didn't something bad would happen.

When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

I stare at the paint impasto on the ceiling until I see faces.

The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

Open Fridge, look around for few seconds, say to self - 'What the f*** am I doing?'

creating your own personal perfect partner in romance or frendship, almost like a imaginary friend (but you don't speak to them out loud)

I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.