I flick through the channels on my TV really fast to try and make a complete sentence.

thumb_up thumb_down -99

I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

I say my first name every night before I go to sleep because I want it to be the last thing I say before I die.

thumb_up thumb_down -147

Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

thumb_up thumb_down -76

Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Reading the things people post on here and realising your not as weird as you thought.

thumb_up thumb_down +318

When walking on the sidewalk, try to walk the same number of steps on each square without looking awkward. (now, this is sooo weird, I have no clue if ANYBODY has ever done this more than once)

thumb_up thumb_down +1,644

Whenever I am in a conversation with someone, be it a family member, close friend, or stranger, I nearly always imagine either starting a random brawl with them for no reason (i.e. punching them in the face) or making out with them or something, neither of which I would ever consider doing. Am I alone?

thumb_up thumb_down +172

I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

When on a long car ride, i tend to look out the window and imagine that i am running on the side of the car and doing flips and other types of parkour to keep up with my car...

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Sometimes I think of doing really bad things and smirk, only to later regret even thinking of it and start questioning myself while feeling bad about it.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Sometimes I'll say quotes from movies or TV shows out loud to myself.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Cuss my ass off in the morning - jd

thumb_up thumb_down -31

start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

When the hero of a movie is drowning I hold my breath to see if I would survive.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,097

I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -85

when I have an itch on my hand I scratch it with my stubble

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Instead of having a nasty breaking up, I just disappear.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Whenever there is a volume button on something i have to make sure its on a number 5 ie: 0,5,10,15

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.