Press the Microwave open button at 0:01 to feel like you defused a bomb and avoided that stupid beeping.

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When you're alone in a room and you have to turn on the TV so it's not as silent...

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I brush my teeth in the shower and use the shower for a waterpik.

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I often think I have the greastest taste in everything

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When I let water out the bath I swish the water so it makes a little whirlpool

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When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

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When I loose something , I buy a new one, then continue to find the old one the next day.

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When I go to the bathroom I put toilet paper over my penis and pretend its a ghost

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Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

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When ever my boyfriend doesn't reply to a text for a few hours I always imagine a worse case scenario and end up crying hystaricaly.

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Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

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When sitting with my laptop on the sofa, and a family member is watching TV in the same room, chuckle occasionally at the screen, just so they know you're not watching porn or something.

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Run up all stairs two at a time, and memorize all the staircases with odd number of steps. On those, I start with one step so I can end on a two.

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speak proper english

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I don't like to answer the phone because it is never for me.

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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look at bins as i walk past them

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When you can't be bothered to go to the toilet so you stay watching tv or going on your laptop while trying to hold it in.

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Live in a house my whole life and still not know what switch does which

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I'm paranoid of EVERYTHING. When I enter a room, I inspect it for cameras. When I'm in the bathroom I cover all the cameras on my iPod, Phone, etc. When I do something I'm not supposed to do on the computer (such as download music for free), I cover the webcam to assure the government can't see me. I control my thoughts 24/7 at fear that someone will read my thoughts. I have a strict feeling the someone is always watching me. I fear subliminal advertisements also. To sum everything up you could just read the first part. I DONT TRUST ANYTHING OR ANYONE! I'm Not sure if anyone else is as paranoid as I am...

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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Have a dream with horribly unfortunate events (like having an amputation or being in prison) waking up from said dream and saying something like, "Good thing that was a dream, don't know what I'd do if that was real"

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Post one on this site thinking everyone will love you but then you realize you're the 2,833 person to post on this site and no one will ever see it. If this is still where it was when I posted it, then congratulations! You've read through 300 FUCKING PAGES! (that meant go get a job)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.