pull out a flies wings and let it go

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Sometimes I read a whole page of text only to realize I didn't actually read any of it. Then I read it again. Sometimes this happens more than 3 times for one page.

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I think about life problems in the shower

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Never tell her who I was talking to on the phone and watch her nosy butt get upset

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I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

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Sometimes I'll think about something that's so weird nobody would ever do it, and then i figure there's a big chance somebody did it at least once in history.

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when you are on EXCEL file on your computer, you scroll down so far, that it goes to 1000

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Wally,you mean Obamney is the only choice?

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I mouth common words and phrases, just to see what it looks like when I talk to other people.

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when I'm walking i always try to step over the cracks with the same foot every time

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Putting your bra on your dogs dead

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Made after doomsday plans

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

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Always cover yourself in the bathroom mirror at home because you have this strange feeling that people at school are all watching you through your mirror~pls tell me im not the only one who ever feels this~oh well

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The last meal I have before I get on a plane - I think about how it is food in one city and will be crapped out in another.

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When winking, I feel as if I have to wink with the other eye to be fair to both eyes.

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I use two pillows as I sleep, but I don't put them under my head, I put my head in between them.

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Sometimes I look at people and think, "They poop."

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Whenever I am in a dark room at night, and there is a window with blinds with a light shining through, I stand in front of it and pretend I am wearing a striped prison jumpsuit.

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Imagine that other people can see what im doing, then try to act differently.

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I have to put the radio volume in multiples of three and my daughter has to put it in multiples of five so when we are together it either has to be on 15 or 30.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.