eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Walk next to someone so you don't look too lonely.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Think about past screw ups, then cross my eyes thinking to myself "I'm such a F---ing retard."

thumb_up thumb_down +44

masturbate... with condoms and gloves because male genitalia is gross and clean up takes just a few seconds rather than minutes

thumb_up thumb_down -39

when u were younger and closed the fridge door super slowly 2 c when the light turned off

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Remember some homework I have to do... On the day that it's due.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Sometimes I reflexively say "ouch" when I drop an inanimate object and I'm not even hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Sometimes I try to solve a math problem using my finger and my thigh, and when I make a mistake a erase it with my hand.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

read some comments here and wonder if people really do that

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

thumb_up thumb_down +2

dip my fries in ice cream! sometimes in soda. It's good!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Try having a conversation with your friends parents but keep saying yeah the whole time

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Randomly flexing random muscles after long time of sitting at the computer

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Pretend my life is a videogame.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

put the volume on the TV as an even number, and feeling uncomfortable if it's on an odd number

thumb_up thumb_down +20

I avoid my wealthy but cool relatives because I don't want them to think I want money

thumb_up thumb_down -66

I look behind me and out of my window every 10 minutes while I'm sitting at my desk because I'm scared something's gonna be there.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

When I hear something that I could make a great comeback to (if it was directed towards me), I saw it under my breath just to feel full fiilled

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Have to catch my significant other when they lie, not because I really care but to prove I'm smarter

thumb_up thumb_down -26

check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.