Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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I probably am the only one who does this but I climb on my cat's cat tree to see what it's like to be a cat o.o

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When you sit down to use the toilet, start, and then realize that the window is open and people can hear you.You then either search for something to mask the sound or proceed to relieve yourself by making as little noise as possible (ultimately failing)

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

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After watching a movie, always walk out the theatre feeling like a total bad ass

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I often force my mind to think that i'm slowing down time at will just to feel awesome (like when walking down the street i try to make the all cars slow down).

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Use head & "Shoulders" for pubic hair

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Reading a book and making the facial expressions it describes.

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Zoning out while looking at something and then trying to find the spot you were looking at when you're out of the zone but you can't find it.

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When something you're sat on makes a noise that sounds like a FART. So you try and do the noise again, to make sure people are aware that the noise was the chair and not you!

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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I scold or point at my electronics and tell them "No, bad!" whenever I push the wrong button or shut them off on accident.

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In britain,everytime i see a magpie i got to do this silly ritual and salute and say good morning mr magpie (depending on wat time of day it is) and make sure 2 ppl see it at the same time or something bad will happen.then someone will tell me another one i should do and i add it on! Its never ending.

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When I'm about to get in bed, I turn my light off and then run and jump into bed so that nothing gets me.

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in my mind, traffic cones are called VLC.

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I smell or rinse cups before I put water in them. Even if they are clean.

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Try to make a sound described in a book or text (like a gasp or a gargle)

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When I go to use my laptop if my cat is sleeping in my chair I would use it somewhere else and leave her alone.

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Whenever I fart, I always smell it. But when other people fart, I don't want to smell it.

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When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

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Pee in the shower

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Hope that one day your closet will have a secret world like Narnia...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.