Before I go to bed at night, I close the closet door so the monsters inside don't come get me while I'm sleeping.

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When I see myself in the mirror, I have to make a funny face just to make sure my face still works.

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When standing on the beach, I try to command the waves to stop.

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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When tapping, I always have to do the same pattern of taps, and I feel incomplete if I don't finish the pattern I started.

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close left eye, then right eye to see how things move....

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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When sitting with my laptop on the sofa, and a family member is watching TV in the same room, chuckle occasionally at the screen, just so they know you're not watching porn or something.

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Think something that you REALLY don't want to think and hurriedly force your mind to change its thoughts.

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Look at a friend and realize that you have forgotten their name...

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squezzing moisturisure/tooth paste really hard cos the top is all dry and then a shit load comes out all at once

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Check this site often to see if anyone liked my comment or not...

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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When leaving a poop smear under the water in the toilet that doesn't get flushed away, I put a few pieces of toilet paper on the water surface to conceal it.

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When i feel the back of my right hand starting to itch. in a few days, i get some money. When the back of my left hand itches.Some money goes.

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.