Whenever I am in a conversation with someone, be it a family member, close friend, or stranger, I nearly always imagine either starting a random brawl with them for no reason (i.e. punching them in the face) or making out with them or something, neither of which I would ever consider doing. Am I alone?

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if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

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Turn the Microwave off at 1 second

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Smell your hands to see if there dirty.

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You try to tell a joke to impress everyone and then you mess it up.

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Blow dry my dick and balls after getting out of the shower.

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Reading a book and making the facial expressions it describes.

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Remember some homework I have to do... On the day that it's due.

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Purposely save one piece of homework untill Sunday night in case you want to get out of doing something boring.

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Look at the clock, then instantly forget what time it is and look again.

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I always try to play it cool and act like it’s no big deal. But I always have a mini anxiety attack before actually stepping onto a moving escalator. It is a task trying to time my step perfectly where my foot isn’t hanging off a step and I have to hurry my second foot on there isn’t an awdward space of steps between my feet. -Ikka

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i would air drum even if theres no music playing

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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you spread your cheeks apart when you sit on the the tolet so that your poop does not touch your cheaks

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Eat goldfish and cheez-its salt side down.

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Absentmindedly rub your stomach while lying down watching or reading.

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Sometimes I lie in bed and wonder what the house would look like upside down.

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when i realise for example that my shoes are stinking i get really paranoid and try to cover them under the table or something because i feel that everyone is thinking about it or is covering their nose or stuff

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Sitting next to a banana called James

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Do math in ur head at night to help you fall asleep.

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When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

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I like to have a picture of my crush on my computer screen, and will walk around a room while he 'looks at me'.

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Pick my scabs off and then lick the blood off.

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While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.