Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

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If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

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Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

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Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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After going to the bathroom, flush the toilet than hurry out of the bathroom and walk fast past a certain line going across the floor or make an imaginary line on the floor before the toilet fully flushes.

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I find it easiest to read or study while sitting on the toilet.

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strt thinking about something spinning, then cant stop no matter how hard you try.

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I piss excellence, shit suppority and whip myself with greatness.

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Sometimes when im sitting in class i start thinking how i would save the whole classroom if someone was to come in with a gun and start shooting.

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I feel like people next to me can read my mind so if I start thinking about something sexual it feels super awkward

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I hit the frig after sex

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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Not get any thumb ups on a post. Turns out there really are some things only I do...

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When I'm in a place with two different colored tiles, I only step on the colored ones and pretend the white ones are lava or off-limits.

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Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

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being super bored at shool

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I wonder sometimes if I've ever met my future self.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.