I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

thumb_up thumb_down +18

sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

in my mind, traffic cones are called VLC.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

dont wash hands for the recommended 30 seconds

thumb_up thumb_down -93

I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -65

When i take off my watch before i go to sleep i smell my wrist.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

thumb_up thumb_down -106

I very carefully smell what I'm about to eat before I eat it, but I'd most likely eat it, even if I hadn't smelled it first.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Have a big twitch, freak out when you are dosing off in class but suddenly wake up.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I have a phobia of incest

thumb_up thumb_down -124

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

tell everyone that you think that mcdonalds is unhealthy and that you think there food is nasty but in reality you actually love it.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Make up a song to yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down -157

Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

thumb_up thumb_down -16

think about what im gonna say abillon times in my head before i say it -jesse

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Happy April 28th everyone! Today is the first day of the rest of your lives, a time for new beginnings to run wild, a time to put a final ending to the past mistakes and troubling thoughts that may have been clouding your mind for far too long until now... The time is here, The time is now, Today is the day, Right here, right now, Right this moment, This is the right time... This, IS THE TIME TO DECIDE... To take time to make time, and let time pass by while you try to decide on how you wanna live your life? Falling into the same patterns as time before, and as will be, time after time? OR, simply, you can choose to LIVE... letting yourself have the time of YOUR LIFE!!! =) The choice is yours, what will you decide??? <3

thumb_up thumb_down -109

when i take a shit and smoke i dont throw the cigar in the wc so the smoke wont come to my nose

thumb_up thumb_down +49

squezzing moisturisure/tooth paste really hard cos the top is all dry and then a shit load comes out all at once

thumb_up thumb_down +76

wonder if there are secret cameras watching my every move...

thumb_up thumb_down +118

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.