- Things You Think Only You Do

when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

Look at adigital clock sideways when in bed while tryingto sleep and try to make the numbers look like faces

Worry a lot about the efficiency of your path when walking.

Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

sometimes sigh sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

I twist my pubes into little spikes when I pee.

Whenever I cross the road with someone I try to walk faster then them just in case a car comes it won't drive me over.

when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

I light my pubes on fire instead of shaving them because they aren't as itchy that way.

I take receipts out of the ATM's disposal slot in order to see how much money people that I've never met have in their accounts.

check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

humiliating little girls

use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

I know how to Gleek on command. (Don't know what it is just look it up.)

Thinking of a song to get an annoying one out of your head, then realizing that one's even worse.

I pretend that my actions are perceived by a past self and they're always astounded by the change I've gone through.

whenever there are automatic doors at a store i use "the force" to open them

I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

i use dental dams

log off the internet then think of something and go back on

when my parents are gone i shout random stuff

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.