Sometimes...when no one is home, i talk and dance with my dog as if he was person :)

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When I have to use my hands to eat my steak, chew the bones etc (do not tell me that so far this is weird and unusual :P ) I wipe my fingers after each touch => use a whole pack of table tissues :D

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When I masturbate I trade hands often in fear that my penis may become crooked.

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when i'm in a really good mood i think everybody is watching and admiring me

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when I take a big dump I turn around to see how big it is

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When i lie, i try not to swallow because i think they'll notice - John

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Think about when im old and im dying and under what circumstances,and think will i remember this day when i thought of it and think,shit that was fast,almost like sending myself a message to the future...if that makes any sense lol

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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Throw mini celabration of clock says 11:11, 9:11 or anything ending in :00

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Stop in the middle of a walk, then picture every face of every person you saw during that walk and what you were doing just in case a detective or police officer stopped you and asked "where you were at a this time?" or "have you seen this person?"

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Looking at this naked with a cat on you're lap.

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seeing small spots in your eye (dust probably) and then chasing them with your eye trying to catch them

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Feel like you sing wonderfully when you are alone, but feel like you sing horribly in front of others.

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Praying to God even though you tell people you're an Atheist.

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When I go up the stairs, I always have to end on my right foot. If I have to, I will even hop on one foot on the last stair in order to land on it.

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When the car runs over bumps in the road on the freeway, they sound like horses hooves, so I pretend my car's being pulled by invisible horses.

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Pour cereal. Realize there is no milk. You really want cereal so you try it with water. Realize that was a bad idea.

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eat the salt from the bottom of the pretzel bag

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If someone uses a term thats like, in the know, and they ask if i know what it means, ill act like, of course ido, even if i dont, and then ill go home and look it up.

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I can't help spitting into the toilet when I piss, let it drop out my mouth and hit the water to see if I can get it in the center.

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Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

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Before I go to bed I have to put one of my hands between my knees in order to warm up and get comfy.

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When eating food leave back the food u like the most for last

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sleep with your legs crossed like your meditating.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.