Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

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When i lie, i try not to swallow because i think they'll notice - John

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Laughing randomly because you remembered something that was funny earlier

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i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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During an assembly, I try to be the last one to clap/ stand up/ sit down.

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get so shitfaced you wake up in a closet with piss everywhere

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when I take a big dump I turn around to see how big it is

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When I'm trying to sleep if both my legs are under the duvet it's too warm. Both legs out it's too cold. When I have one leg out and on the duvet it's just right. I sometimes also put my leg against the wall when it's cold.

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When on long car rides, I always look out the window and imagine a little man running alongside the car.

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rub the underside of your ear lobe to smell the odd smell.

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I feel bad for not reading the terms of service on a website, because someone had to put a lot of effort into that.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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when someone says something like 'it's too late' i always start singing 'to apologizeeeeee' even though i think people are annoyed of me always singing along to their sentences and changing the meaning, but i just cannot stop it

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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close the fridge door really slowly just so you can see the light turn off

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I deeply pick my nose with tweezers. It's like the relief of pooping to me.

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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I constantly get itches. On awkward parts of my body. In public places. And it's torture.

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I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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I hid money in a jar behind a brick in the house I lived in and forgot about it. I've since moved to another state but I didn't remember I left the cash behind until years later.

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Sometimes when I'm sitting next to someone I start thinking stuff about him/her, making fun of their clothes in my mind or something. Then I have a feeling that maybe that person can read thoughts and immediately start thinking about something else, and avoid eye contact until one of use leaves

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I always have to google the name of this website, because I always put the words in the wrong consecution.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.