Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

When i lie, i try not to swallow because i think they'll notice - John

Laughing randomly because you remembered something that was funny earlier

i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

During an assembly, I try to be the last one to clap/ stand up/ sit down.

get so shitfaced you wake up in a closet with piss everywhere

when I take a big dump I turn around to see how big it is

When I'm trying to sleep if both my legs are under the duvet it's too warm. Both legs out it's too cold. When I have one leg out and on the duvet it's just right. I sometimes also put my leg against the wall when it's cold.

When on long car rides, I always look out the window and imagine a little man running alongside the car.

rub the underside of your ear lobe to smell the odd smell.

I feel bad for not reading the terms of service on a website, because someone had to put a lot of effort into that.

I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

when someone says something like 'it's too late' i always start singing 'to apologizeeeeee' even though i think people are annoyed of me always singing along to their sentences and changing the meaning, but i just cannot stop it

Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

close the fridge door really slowly just so you can see the light turn off

I deeply pick my nose with tweezers. It's like the relief of pooping to me.

think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

I constantly get itches. On awkward parts of my body. In public places. And it's torture.

I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

I hid money in a jar behind a brick in the house I lived in and forgot about it. I've since moved to another state but I didn't remember I left the cash behind until years later.

Sometimes when I'm sitting next to someone I start thinking stuff about him/her, making fun of their clothes in my mind or something. Then I have a feeling that maybe that person can read thoughts and immediately start thinking about something else, and avoid eye contact until one of use leaves

I always have to google the name of this website, because I always put the words in the wrong consecution.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.