When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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When i am bored i go on the internet and i dont know what to do but as soon as i turn off my computer i come up with lots of fun things i could have done

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Listen to music while browsing the internet, having facebook open in another tab, and randomly you hear facebook message sounds, even though they aren't really there.

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turning up the volume in your car when theres a car next to you blasting a terrible song.

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Trying on other people's clothes at the gym/laundromat when they ain't looking!! (^_^)

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Thinking you can do parkour even when you cant and the have a friend over and try to show off

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Looking outside the window and imagining a huge explosion destroy everything and then u surviving and trying to find a way to survive

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when i realise for example that my shoes are stinking i get really paranoid and try to cover them under the table or something because i feel that everyone is thinking about it or is covering their nose or stuff

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When winking, I feel as if I have to wink with the other eye to be fair to both eyes.

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when walking i always count how many steps i have taken as i go

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When walking on an old looking bridge I try to get off quickly and before anyone else gets on there because all I can think about is it giving way and me falling to my death/being very wet

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when i get pissed off at someone i go to an empty room and then imagine killing them

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Write "my opinion thinking-aloud-sentences" on the "circle the answer" test as footnotes when I'm not sure about the answer.

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I cannot f***ing believe how many of these i do... and now i feel out of place

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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I sometimes wonder what my past self would do differently if it knew what would be going on now

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I find it really hard to not respond a insulting youtube comment with a hopefully even bigger insult.

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I have an unhealthy obsession with and so always talk about Penge North Korea beige mauve and medium density fiberboard. This explains why I'm such a popular guy

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When you sit down to use the toilet, start, and then realize that the window is open and people can hear you.You then either search for something to mask the sound or proceed to relieve yourself by making as little noise as possible (ultimately failing)

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When I am talking about someone, I check my phone to make sure it hasn't dialed them and to make sure they aren't listening.

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The ability to go one hour back in time by concentrating really hard for two hours.

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When I'm over at my friends house and they get in a fight with their sibling, I just pet their dog.

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.