Before I go to bed at night, I close the closet door so the monsters inside don't come get me while I'm sleeping.

When I see myself in the mirror, I have to make a funny face just to make sure my face still works.

When standing on the beach, I try to command the waves to stop.

i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

When tapping, I always have to do the same pattern of taps, and I feel incomplete if I don't finish the pattern I started.

close left eye, then right eye to see how things move....

expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

When sitting with my laptop on the sofa, and a family member is watching TV in the same room, chuckle occasionally at the screen, just so they know you're not watching porn or something.

Think something that you REALLY don't want to think and hurriedly force your mind to change its thoughts.

Look at a friend and realize that you have forgotten their name...

squezzing moisturisure/tooth paste really hard cos the top is all dry and then a shit load comes out all at once

Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

Check this site often to see if anyone liked my comment or not...

Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

When leaving a poop smear under the water in the toilet that doesn't get flushed away, I put a few pieces of toilet paper on the water surface to conceal it.

When i feel the back of my right hand starting to itch. in a few days, i get some money. When the back of my left hand itches.Some money goes.

Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.