I can't help spitting into the toilet when I piss, let it drop out my mouth and hit the water to see if I can get it in the center.

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When i want to write a joke on anti jokes.com i laugh at my friends instead!

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Say you're not hungry at a friend's house when his/her parents offer you food, even though you're starving

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when i listen to music in my earphones, i always pretend its me performing the song to an audience.

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

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Cover up the webcam on my laptop because I think someone might be watching me through it.

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play with a laser pointer and pretend its a lightsaber

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Making "X's" with your fingernail on bug bites to get rid of them.

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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When i am home alone i think there are hidden cameras in my house and wave at objects that might conceal the camers to scare the people looking through them

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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See someone thats so hot all you can think about is seeing them naked all day.

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Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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When I'm in a place with two different colored tiles, I only step on the colored ones and pretend the white ones are lava or off-limits.

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I take receipts out of the ATM's disposal slot in order to see how much money people that I've never met have in their accounts.

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I stare at people to see if they have a innie or outtie belly button

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I get into a massive fight with my parents, and then do the thing i was told not to just so i can tick them off.

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I post morals under every one of my new comments. Moral: Duh, I am moral man ffs! What do you expect! Its awesome! If things go at this phase I will be a celebrity in... hmm... in never!

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i randomly grab my boobs when i'm home alone. like, all the time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.