When I die during an online game I try to cram as much food and drink in my mouth as I can before I respawn. If I have no food I roll all over the bed.

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I post morals under every one of my new comments. Moral: Duh, I am moral man ffs! What do you expect! Its awesome! If things go at this phase I will be a celebrity in... hmm... in never!

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Try and accomplish something before the timer on the microwave beeps :)

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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When the hero of a movie is drowning I hold my breath to see if I would survive.

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When you get out of the shower and you're too lazy to get dressed, so you just hang around in a towel.

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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Sex scene comes on TV while you are watching with your parents... Try to act normal... Fail.

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Look an ugly person up and down and try to think of ways that they can improve how they look. ( clothing, hair, and makeup)

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When no one is home or if no one is looking you go in the fridge and drink right out of the bottle.

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When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

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Pee sitting down so I dont have to aim

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Open the microwave at 1 second left to pretend you're on a bomb squad.

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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i masturbate with my feet

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Whenever i am watching TV my parents always walk by at the worst part like a sex scene or a dirty joke.

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sing in the shower

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When I was younger I would image a band that played the songs on the radio that was strapped to the roof of the car during long car rides.

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I always have excellent manners when eating around others, but when I'm alone I eat like a pig and have no manners.

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think something you shouldn't, then stop thinking it, because someone might read your mind

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Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

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When I am home alone and I hear something upstairs, I pretend my Dad is here and say really loudly, "Hey Dad! When are you going to your violent national wrestling match tonight?!"

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after switching lights..i go run as hard as i could do after reaching the bed

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.