I wonder if old women enjoy sex?

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Use é instead of e to spell Pokémon

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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play on your game for ten minutes before you realise why you stoppedd the last time

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I hate being called "buddy".

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Make hand gestures when talking on phone

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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The ability to go one hour back in time by concentrating really hard for two hours.

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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Roll my eyes with them closed when I am annoyed with someone

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feel legitimately bad for Wile E Coyote whenever he does not get the road runner

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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I like to record the audio from TV shows and movies onto cassette tapes from my stereo, and listen to them on my Walkman while I'm working in the kitchen or around the house.

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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Thinking you could be in a "Truman Show" style scenario and scanning areas of your house and possessions for tiny little cameras and microphones.

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After having an argument with your partner you text them later then halfway thru the text you forget hat you were going to say back track and tell them you love them! "didn't matter really did it lol"

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Count how many steps there are in a stairwell I use often and then try to take it by same number each time... Eg if there are 16 then always go by twos and missing the others!?!?!?

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Sometimes cringe at the sound when other people scratch themselves

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When the car runs over bumps in the road on the freeway, they sound like horses hooves, so I pretend my car's being pulled by invisible horses.

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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When I was younger I used to challenge myself with touching the roof I would first jump and see if I could touch it then I would try and see how long I can touch it and now every once in a while I just touch it and think of how far I have come.

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Think about past screw ups, then cross my eyes thinking to myself "I'm such a F---ing retard."

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.