Show up for a blind date and say DAMN, WTF! When they open the door.

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get home from work and masturbate instantly

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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Putting your bra on your dogs dead

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When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

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Does anyone else's mouse hand get colder then their other hand when they're on the computer?

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I hate when my mom hangs my underwear on the clothesline outside.

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Scared to flush the tolite at friends houses in fear that i will wake someone up of break the tolite.

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when going to get a drink, i accidently pull out a bowl, or plate, later realizing what i did, i put it back, and get a cup

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Buy something and try to save it for an event of some kind and end up failing to do so, every darn time too.

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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Blow dry my dick and balls after getting out of the shower.

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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Constantly looking up at a Facebook tab while on another tab to see if you have any notifications or messages.

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When I'm bored I argue with myself inside my head.

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I have to check my closet for monsters so they don't get me while I sleep

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Live in a house my whole life and still not know what switch does which

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Get exstremly sad or depressed whenever you think about something you did that was embarrassing or something you regret infront of someone when that person probably doesn't even remember it....

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Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

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Poking your eye to see the black circle at the corner of your eye

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When I'm at the checkout and paying with my card, I try to put my PIN in the card machine before the cashier has a chance to tell me to do it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.