When I die during an online game I try to cram as much food and drink in my mouth as I can before I respawn. If I have no food I roll all over the bed.

I post morals under every one of my new comments. Moral: Duh, I am moral man ffs! What do you expect! Its awesome! If things go at this phase I will be a celebrity in... hmm... in never!

Try and accomplish something before the timer on the microwave beeps :)

You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

When the hero of a movie is drowning I hold my breath to see if I would survive.

When you get out of the shower and you're too lazy to get dressed, so you just hang around in a towel.

Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

Sex scene comes on TV while you are watching with your parents... Try to act normal... Fail.

Look an ugly person up and down and try to think of ways that they can improve how they look. ( clothing, hair, and makeup)

When no one is home or if no one is looking you go in the fridge and drink right out of the bottle.

When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

Pee sitting down so I dont have to aim

Open the microwave at 1 second left to pretend you're on a bomb squad.

When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

i masturbate with my feet

Whenever i am watching TV my parents always walk by at the worst part like a sex scene or a dirty joke.

sing in the shower

When I was younger I would image a band that played the songs on the radio that was strapped to the roof of the car during long car rides.

I always have excellent manners when eating around others, but when I'm alone I eat like a pig and have no manners.

think something you shouldn't, then stop thinking it, because someone might read your mind

Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

When I am home alone and I hear something upstairs, I pretend my Dad is here and say really loudly, "Hey Dad! When are you going to your violent national wrestling match tonight?!"

after switching lights..i go run as hard as i could do after reaching the bed

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.