Instead of scratching my balls with my hand I rub them vigorously on the bed

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I often wonder if people ever talk about me, when I'm away.

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When I am at amusement parks I look and determine which guys I could beat up and which I couldn't.

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When I have a bottle in my hand and nothing to do in class. I read the nutrition facts and ingredients 2 to 4 times until the teacher says something.

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Close you closet door whenever you are about to go to bed.

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While waiting on someone I check my phone and if there is no new message I just read old ones, just to be occupied and don't look stupid or lost

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play with a knife and pretend to be a master blade wielder

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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On an one night if I come too fast .je persuade the girl that I have to forget my cellular in my automobile and I get out

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Sometimes when I touch something I have to touch all of the object and with both hands, otherwise I feel incomplete.

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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sometimes when I listen to a song while riding in the car I look out the window and pretend I'm in some angsty music video

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Think "When are we ever going to use this in our life?" while sitting bored in school.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

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When you walk across a cross walk and you stretch your steps so it takes one step for each line, yet you still try to look casual because ur in public

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I never find things funny unless I'm in a completely silent room, and it is then that I think or see something funny and begin to almost cry of laughter.

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when you have just ended a argument with someone and you think what else you could of said that would have been better to say

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Hearing someone singing a song and stopping midway, so you need to finish it.

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put an excessive amount of lead in your pencil

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Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.