open the fridge A eat food B think

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I really like the day I was born even though there is nothing special about it like Dec 25 or May 20 (Christmas or Independence day)

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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Putting your bra on your dogs dead

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Wish that Mexicans would go fix things in their own country instead of coming here unwelcome and demanding things instead.

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I flick through the channels on my TV really fast to try and make a complete sentence.

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While listening to music, I take my headphones off to make sure nobody else can hear it.

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chewing icecream before you swallow it

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When I wanted to sit on chair or anything, I'll wipe them first, in case there is something sticked on them

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Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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Set Fire to the Rain

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Turning on the dryers in the bathroom so no one will hear you peeing

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Shit in the shower and pushing it down the drain with your feet

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moving your hand with objects that are already moving and pretending you have the force.

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I have an unhealthy obsession with and so always talk about Penge North Korea beige mauve and medium density fiberboard. This explains why I'm such a popular guy

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Pour a bowl of cereal. Open fridge. No milk. (karky)

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never push to hard on the railing of a tall building, just in case its loose and you end up falling off.

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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When listening to headphones, I automatically start lip syncing the lyrics... But stop doing it when people look at me funny..

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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When I first start dating or seeing someone I write down options for conversation starters before I phone them in case it goes silent.

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Secretly think that Flo from the Progressive commercials is bangable.

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Enjoy picking off scabs, thick skin around your nails, your nails, or the thick peeling skin left from a blister. Admit it, you love it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.