I am convinced that nobody had opened bacon or packets of ham with the flappy corner because it dosnt work!! So i get a knife and saw it out.

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If two cars towing boats were to crash into each other, Would that make it a boating accident?

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Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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While im showering, I place my hands in a certain position so it looks like I can shoot water out of my fingers.

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When I was little and I saw disney's hercules I had no idea why Meg was working for Hades

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Hum up and down in pitch because it makes LED displays dance around.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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Close my eyes and squeeze them so I can see colorful stars and galaxies.

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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Open the microwave at 1 second left to pretend you're on a bomb squad.

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Shutting the fridge door slowly just to see the light shut off.

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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when i use omegle u usually say im a girl, when a guy says how long is his thing, i say 'mine too' :D

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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Sometimes I think about what I would do if I accidentally killed someone. I don't want to kill anyone, but if I did it accidentally. Would I call an ambulance, hide the body, confess to police, destroy evidence, etc?

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DAS RITE MODERFOCKER! NOWUN MESSIS WIF FIRLUPE!!' (throws wine in face)

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Before i go to sleep, i imagine all the things i would like to happen in the future, and hoping it comes true or ill dream of it

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Turn the fan and/or sink on in the bathroom to drown out the noise from masturbating.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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when you get a runny nose suddenly checks for blood oh good its clear

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Normally I can do a specific task no problem but when someone is watching and I know that they are watching I screw up.

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Think about my life as a book when I'm in public, for example "I then walked over to my friend to say hello to him."

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.