Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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Sometimes I see on the clock, the seconds needle go back 1 second and then never do that again for the rest of the day/week or whenever I'm staring at the clock for it to happen again. -Mike

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When I Was Little I Always Slept On My Stomach Even If I Wasn't Comfortable Because I Thought It Would Be Harder For Aliens To Abduct Me.

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trip over nothing. break into spontaneous dancing.

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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Absentmindedly rub your stomach while lying down watching or reading.

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Go for a 10 mile run.

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Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

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Being fat

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

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Having a dream and forgetting it seconds later.

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See a news article that looks interesting, too lazy to read the whole thing. Skim.

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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Wondering who would cry at your funeral

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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Laying or sitting down in a really comfy position, then getting up to do something, and when you come back you can't figure out the position you just had.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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make south park refferences every day

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.