When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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Videotape my mother in the shower.

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Likes that girggle sound you make after a burp.

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Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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place all your achievements in your room to impress your friends

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I fake laugh at peoples jokes when they're not funny to avoid akward moments.

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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I constantly get itches. On awkward parts of my body. In public places. And it's torture.

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Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

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Have deja vu while talking to someone and then stop listening to what they are saying for a few seconds till the feeling passes, then nod like you have been listening the whole time.

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Sitting on a table at school and looking at the things u only think i do website

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When I'm trying to sleep and my mind's like, "Hey, know what's a good movie? Paranormal Activity!" Then I can't sleep for an hour - Brayden Everes

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I hid money in a jar behind a brick in the house I lived in and forgot about it. I've since moved to another state but I didn't remember I left the cash behind until years later.

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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Every time I watch the movie I cry when the babysitter sings that song in the blues bar in the movie "Adventures In Babysitting"

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apparently you turn or twist everything to tight like a sink or a bottlecap ect. "i cant open the bottle of fu***ng coke becase you "

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I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

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When I'm peeing in the urinal, I aim to the side so it doesn't deflect back on me.

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Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

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Give vocal commentary on the song I just played when I'm the only one in the car.

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Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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I'm so used to pooping with my phone that everytime I forget it I take less than 5 minutes, versus the usual 26.

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Try to give my download speed moral support: "You can do it! YES, just stay there!" For anyone out there struggling with slow internet.. I feel your pain

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.