when you dont know what someone said so you just awkwardly start laughing and it turns out not to be funny.

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when I'm lying in bed and I really have to fart, I lift up the blanket, stick my ass out and fart into the night air to keep the stench out of my bed

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CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

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Buy something and try to save it for an event of some kind and end up failing to do so, every darn time too.

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wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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When I'm walking I pretend that I'm staying in the same place and moving the world beneath me.

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did you notice if you travel: when your going to the place feels like 10 hours but when going home feels like 4 hours

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fart

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Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

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If I hear a noise, it obviously means there is a monster somewhere in/near my bedroom and the sheets will protect me as long as they cover up to my chin.

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Sometimes I forget that there are spiders in my bedroom, so after I've seen one I can't sleep for several days for fear that they'll eat me if I do. Then I forget about them again and thus the cycle starts.

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Find it impossible to get rid of the itch on the bottom of my feet or my palms when they're itchy

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check shower for murder then pee

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sing in the shower

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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Thinking epic thoughts like "Man, had a great workout today" just in case someone is reading my mind.

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How many times is it okay to say "what" before just nodding and smiling?

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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Say you're not hungry at a friend's house when his/her parents offer you food, even though you're starving

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.