when you dont know what someone said so you just awkwardly start laughing and it turns out not to be funny.

when I'm lying in bed and I really have to fart, I lift up the blanket, stick my ass out and fart into the night air to keep the stench out of my bed

CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

Buy something and try to save it for an event of some kind and end up failing to do so, every darn time too.

wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

When I'm walking I pretend that I'm staying in the same place and moving the world beneath me.

did you notice if you travel: when your going to the place feels like 10 hours but when going home feels like 4 hours

fart

Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

If I hear a noise, it obviously means there is a monster somewhere in/near my bedroom and the sheets will protect me as long as they cover up to my chin.

Sometimes I forget that there are spiders in my bedroom, so after I've seen one I can't sleep for several days for fear that they'll eat me if I do. Then I forget about them again and thus the cycle starts.

Find it impossible to get rid of the itch on the bottom of my feet or my palms when they're itchy

check shower for murder then pee

sing in the shower

I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

Thinking epic thoughts like "Man, had a great workout today" just in case someone is reading my mind.

How many times is it okay to say "what" before just nodding and smiling?

never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

the power to regenerate your appendix

After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

Say you're not hungry at a friend's house when his/her parents offer you food, even though you're starving

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.