When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

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I start doing some of the weird things I wouldn't have thought of doing if I hadn't I read them on this website.

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Start browsing a list of pics at the back, so I can see the order they were posted.

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

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Brake for tail-gaters

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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whale sperm

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Go to the kitchen to eat, forget what I'm doing, go back to whatever I was doing, and realizing that I'm hungry.

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Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

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Every time I see my self in a mirror, I feel like I'm watching someone in a different dimension and make quick movements to see if they mess up.

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Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

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I feel bad for not reading the terms of service on a website, because someone had to put a lot of effort into that.

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Pretend to be texting to look popular in public

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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I twist my pubes into little spikes when I pee.

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Sometimes, I ask myself philosophical questions. The one that is bugging me now is "If reincarnation is real, why is this life so vivid?"

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open the fridge A eat food B think

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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I have a band in my head that performs for me every time I listen to music.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.