take 30 pictures and only find 1 where you dont look like shit

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get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When I make croissants from the Pillsbury can, I'll take one of the little triangles and eat it, because I like the consistency of dough, and i like the fizzy feeling of the yeast on my tongue.

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When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

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Use reverse psychology on the rain to make it slow down or speed up.

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WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK. Via: Collection of Love WhatsApp Status

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When I'm bored I throw a plastic bag in the air and see how long I can keep it from touching the ground.

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When I see a typo ANYWHERE, I feel compelled to correct it, even if there is no possible way for me to correct it

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If I'm in my room and I need to fart, I walk into someone else's room and fart in there so that my room doesn't stink up.

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When riding in a vehicle at night, where the stars are visible, I feel like they're racing us.

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I pretend that my actions are perceived by a past self and they're always astounded by the change I've gone through.

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Start to tell a story, but realize that nobody is bothering to listen to you.. So you slowly let your voice fade off

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Whenever i am watching TV my parents always walk by at the worst part like a sex scene or a dirty joke.

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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When I have a bottle in my hand and nothing to do in class. I read the nutrition facts and ingredients 2 to 4 times until the teacher says something.

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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hold my shirt with my chin when i'm peeing.

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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When someone is talking to me and I'm not really listening, when it gets quiet I say 'that's crazy' so they think I'm listening.

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If I'm alone, I'll imagine myself as somebody else an start acting as if I'm in a different life, complete with different people and places because in my imagination, I get to control what is going to happen next. Because, my imagination is way better than my reality.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.