Look at the toilet paper after i wipe my ass just to make sure i didn't leave anything behind..

"Hey, did you see that new episode last night?" "Yeah!" "Do you remember that part when he ran through the city?" "Yeah!" LIES

whenever someone pulls up beside you in another car, you are fully aware of them, but never look at them, your too cool to care what they look like.

Put the towel near the shower so that you can stand on it and not get the floor wet

Have a dream that you can breath under water and wake up and be very disappointed

Find yourself alone at a party/gathering of some sort... Pretend to send a text to make people think you're not a loner.

Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

Realizing that when you look behind a shower curtain before using the bathroom and actually see a Serial killer, you have no plan...

I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

I have the idea that i'm the only one who looks at this site.

Poop naked.

When I meet someone random, and have a small conversation, and then when they leave, I feel sad because I think I am never going to see them again.

think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

Seriously I am tired but, I read the fucking solvemedia stating "forget this", then I stood there for a moment having just forgot what I was supposed to type. "Was I not supposed to forget what I just read?" Nero: BRAINWASHING! FORGET THIS AND LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER! IM LEUTANANT BANGUS YOUR MUTHERUS YOU IDIOT!

Walk into a public bathroom and go to the urinal, but then stop and think theres some guy who will perv on you and then go in the cubicle.

Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

when my parents are gone i shout random stuff

Checking your phone for a text when you know you don't have one. Matt

when you read a post that you don't do then start doing it

I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

I ejaculate fire and glory

Sometimes when I watch live TV, I mute the TV when I get embarrassed at what is happening on screen to other people.

I keep tearing the little piece of skin next to my thumb nail until it hurts - and even if it bleeds I have to get it off.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.