When taking a shower, and standing in the opposite direction where the water is coming fromY

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Live in a house my whole life and still not know what switch does which

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

thumb_up thumb_down -65

I always poke myself in the eye when I put on mascara, then have a wild hand spasm so it gets all over my face.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

you look at someone and they look toward you and you look away quickly then you look back to see if they are still looking.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

When I have a good dream I can't remember it the day after, but I can remember another dream I had a year ago.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Create the perfect song/poem/philosophical theory/scientific discovery right before you fall asleep and forget it in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Seriously I am tired but, I read the fucking solvemedia stating "forget this", then I stood there for a moment having just forgot what I was supposed to type. "Was I not supposed to forget what I just read?" Nero: BRAINWASHING! FORGET THIS AND LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER! IM LEUTANANT BANGUS YOUR MUTHERUS YOU IDIOT!

thumb_up thumb_down -83

if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

thumb_up thumb_down -101

I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

thumb_up thumb_down -58

See someone thats so hot all you can think about is seeing them naked all day.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Think that everything you do is life is being recorded by secret cameras and you're on a reality show. But you don't actually know. The Truman Show. -Robert

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

thumb_up thumb_down -25

I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

I can't drink while I'm walking I have to stop.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Look at the clock to realize that it seems like the "second" hand is taking longer on the number its on right when you look at it, and/or you looked at the clock at the absolute perfect time. And it happens frequently..

thumb_up thumb_down -122

When you are in a car and a sad song comes on look out the window and pretend you are in a movie.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

When you accidentally like get something on your hand so you go to wash it off but feel compelled to wash your other hand too even if it's not dirty

thumb_up thumb_down -51

I want to suck on your penis

thumb_up thumb_down -87

All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Promise to save money then spends all of it anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

thumb_up thumb_down -87

Buy tons of movies and only watch them once. Rarely buy books and reread them a million times.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.