When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

Videotape my mother in the shower.

Likes that girggle sound you make after a burp.

Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

place all your achievements in your room to impress your friends

I fake laugh at peoples jokes when they're not funny to avoid akward moments.

Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

I constantly get itches. On awkward parts of my body. In public places. And it's torture.

Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

Have deja vu while talking to someone and then stop listening to what they are saying for a few seconds till the feeling passes, then nod like you have been listening the whole time.

Sitting on a table at school and looking at the things u only think i do website

When I'm trying to sleep and my mind's like, "Hey, know what's a good movie? Paranormal Activity!" Then I can't sleep for an hour - Brayden Everes

I hid money in a jar behind a brick in the house I lived in and forgot about it. I've since moved to another state but I didn't remember I left the cash behind until years later.

Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

Every time I watch the movie I cry when the babysitter sings that song in the blues bar in the movie "Adventures In Babysitting"

apparently you turn or twist everything to tight like a sink or a bottlecap ect. "i cant open the bottle of fu***ng coke becase you "

I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

When I'm peeing in the urinal, I aim to the side so it doesn't deflect back on me.

Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

Give vocal commentary on the song I just played when I'm the only one in the car.

Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

I'm so used to pooping with my phone that everytime I forget it I take less than 5 minutes, versus the usual 26.

Try to give my download speed moral support: "You can do it! YES, just stay there!" For anyone out there struggling with slow internet.. I feel your pain

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.