When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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Thinking that someone is seeing everything from your eyes while you are using the bathroom, and then quickly looking up to avoid embarassment.

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When i'm done sleeping, I wake up.

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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Sometimes I think and feel that I am the most voted man on Horsehead Network, I got no idea why. Moral the friendly r*pist: I dnt know what that means though... Or do I? ;)

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When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

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Before i go to sleep, i imagine all the things i would like to happen in the future, and hoping it comes true or ill dream of it

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Pee sitting down so I dont have to aim

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

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I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

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Eating a crunchy food while watching tv and turning up the volume little by little until its around 80% because you can't hear over the sound of your own chewing. Then later when you turn back on the tv you scare yourself because it's still at 80% and frantically try to turn it down with super speed before anyone hears you.

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When sitting with my laptop on the sofa, and a family member is watching TV in the same room, chuckle occasionally at the screen, just so they know you're not watching porn or something.

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On the train, try and mathematically make (add,subtract,multiply,divide etc.) the carriage number to get to ten

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go on a diet, buy a lot of healthy food, eat it all the same day. 2 weeks later repeat.

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Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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You look over the edge of a tall building/structure, and have that sudden urge to jump off.

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I eat ice creams from the bottom of the cone to the top.

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brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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I have never watched Star Wars.

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Pour the cheap shampoo I can only afford these days into the empty expensive bottle to trick myself I'm still using the good stuff.

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Eat ice by itself

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run inside after taking out the trash because a monster might be hiding in the big trash can

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.