I flick through the channels on my TV really fast to try and make a complete sentence.

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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you know how everyone talks about making life decisions in the shower and thinking about life?.....yeah thats me on the toilet

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I have to keep reading website pages until I reached 5, 10, 15 etc. When I get close to my age though, I can finish there.

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When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

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fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Sometimes I think about what I would do if I accidentally killed someone. I don't want to kill anyone, but if I did it accidentally. Would I call an ambulance, hide the body, confess to police, destroy evidence, etc?

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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Handing something to a friend or someone and all you can think is "...I've fapped with that hand. And they know I have" even though you clean up after you feel like your jizz is gonna be on what you gave them and theyll find out amd think you're disgusting.

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Smelling your armpits to see if you smell and then disguising at as yawn/stretch

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When I have headphones in, I wonder if my swallowing is extremely loud for everyone else too.

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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smoke marijuana

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Pour the cheap shampoo I can only afford these days into the empty expensive bottle to trick myself I'm still using the good stuff.

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Learn how to say "I love you" in a different language, just to say it to the person you like and observe their dumbfounded expressions.

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.