Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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When I'm in the shower, I talk to myself, usually about my plans for video game procedures.

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when i'm in the shower and i close my eyes, i thnk something's gonna be there to scare me when i open my eyes again.

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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Rub boogers under the arm rest on the couch.

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When no one is around I make sound effects for everything I do.

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jack off

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When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

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Fantasize about being with somebody else when I have sex

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I am always SO sure the metal detector or store alarms will go off when I walk through them. –Ikka

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'horse-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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I look at people and think, "they poop" then as I'm imagining them pooping I hurry and change thoughts before they finish.

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Not vote up my own posts? I bet I'm among the few..

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I buy books and never read them and get mad at myself for doing so.

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When I drop something, I stand there and watch it fall, I stand still because I'm afraid that I'll maybe mess up something else, instead of picking it up quickly. Am I the only one? ;)

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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My goal is to get as much as possible thumbs down at this post.

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Stuff 13 chips in my mouth when no one is looking, bite 1 chip in half and chew it for 30 seconds when someone is looking.

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

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When I see a post on this site with a single downvote I start to feel guilty and give the person an upvote because I feel sorry for them.

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I carry more money in my wallet than it appears, I just tuck some away because I think that if I can't see it and have to go through the trouble to get it out- then I won't spend it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.