hallo

thumb_up thumb_down -28

fart

thumb_up thumb_down -22

I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

When you are doing something (kind of weird) when you're alone and then stop because there might be a ghost watching.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

thumb_up thumb_down -70

I refuse to imagine good things happening to me, because if I did, it won't come true and I end up being suck at everything.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

take 30 pictures and only find 1 where you dont look like shit

thumb_up thumb_down +8

get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

thumb_up thumb_down -64

For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

When I make croissants from the Pillsbury can, I'll take one of the little triangles and eat it, because I like the consistency of dough, and i like the fizzy feeling of the yeast on my tongue.

thumb_up thumb_down -101

When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Use reverse psychology on the rain to make it slow down or speed up.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK. Via: Collection of Love WhatsApp Status

thumb_up thumb_down -63

When I'm bored I throw a plastic bag in the air and see how long I can keep it from touching the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

When I see a typo ANYWHERE, I feel compelled to correct it, even if there is no possible way for me to correct it

thumb_up thumb_down +90

If I'm in my room and I need to fart, I walk into someone else's room and fart in there so that my room doesn't stink up.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

When riding in a vehicle at night, where the stars are visible, I feel like they're racing us.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

I pretend that my actions are perceived by a past self and they're always astounded by the change I've gone through.

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Start to tell a story, but realize that nobody is bothering to listen to you.. So you slowly let your voice fade off

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Whenever i am watching TV my parents always walk by at the worst part like a sex scene or a dirty joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +89

Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

thumb_up thumb_down -100

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.