When you're all alone, practice for an interview you're bound to have when you're rich and famous and say other people's responses when they are asked about working with you.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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creating your own personal perfect partner in romance or frendship, almost like a imaginary friend (but you don't speak to them out loud)

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I pretend that I've caught the man in the walk/don't walk sign doing something bad and I stare at him accusingly

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When I'm in a hurry I brush my teeth while peeing because I think it saves time.

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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I use the internet to validate that weirdness is not actually weird at all.

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Make calculations with house number. Eg: House nº 112 means house nº 4

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Go for a 10 mile run.

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Try and accomplish something before the timer on the microwave beeps :)

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test how many stares you can scale in one step

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Wanting to marry Tyler Joseph but then you remember he's married :(

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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getting a random wedgie when everybody is looking at me

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Wearing cheap CZ rings to either stop guys hitting on me or pretend I'm engaged.

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I think source beggars are lazy pest that should be groin kicked

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Giving my dog a massage.

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"Oh, that was a messed up thought, probably shouldn't think about it again or something worse because---GODDAMN IT."

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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Locking your pet in the room and forcing it to spend time with you.

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Write a post and then find that someone else has already said it, but in a different way...wtf I'm really annoyed. And they have more likes too.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.