Make hand gestures when talking on phone

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I eat one way in public and another way in private.

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Realise logically that a chicken egg is her period. we eat chicken periods!

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if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

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In a meeting at work, you imagine throwing coffee into your boss's face, just to see what he would do.

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When I'm on Facebook, I don't like anything in my news feed thats older then 15 minutes or else i'll feel like they think ima creeping on them.

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Coughing really loud to cover up the sound of your fart, then shitting your pants.

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Fart and walk away from the stink area very quickly so nobody will know you made it.

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Touching that door knob three times before opening the door.

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I always have excellent manners when eating around others, but when I'm alone I eat like a pig and have no manners.

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sometimes i sing and when i do , i make drum sounds with my teeth and you know, all that stuff

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Telling yourself that starting tomorrow you will start to exercise and eat better, but never doing it.

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Having cool food in your house and knowing your boyfriend is going to call you around 6 or so, so you start eating said awesome food at about 5:57. That way when your boyfriend asks what you're doing to can tell him you're eating _____ and he'll want to come over.

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Open the fridge, nothing there, close fridge, open again just to make sure nothing has magically appeared

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Stalk people on facebook, find out something interesting, and later claim that it 'came up on your newsfeed'.

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Check the toilet paper after wiping your ass

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When tapping, I always have to do the same pattern of taps, and I feel incomplete if I don't finish the pattern I started.

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Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

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If I hear a noise, it obviously means there is a monster somewhere in/near my bedroom and the sheets will protect me as long as they cover up to my chin.

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

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Stop at traffic lights thinking it will close soon, when actually remains only 5s to close second and u run like crazy.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.