i masturbate with my feet

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I type a comment here and secretly feel special

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Moving my bottom jaw around slightly makes me feel like I have dog-like ears and I'm moving them around.

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When I have a bottle in my hand and nothing to do in class. I read the nutrition facts and ingredients 2 to 4 times until the teacher says something.

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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I kick my shoes off, sending them flying to various parts of the room. I then pick them up and place them neatly beside each other

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say "ow" when your character in a video game gets hurt

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cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

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Assume that on another planet or galaxy there are people just like humans that look exactly like me. Like an alternate universe.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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In elementary school whenever it was supposed to be mental math I never did it mentally.

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when u get something right and do a victory dance and the person to u is just like "da hell?"

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When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

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Thinking about what you want to dream about while brushing your teeth at night.

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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when my mum buys way too much of something I imagine were one of those 'doomsday preppers' families, with mounds of supplies in our basement.

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try to cut corners in my house and hit the wall

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Stand really close to the mirror and look myself in the eyes. Try to scare myself or make a really fast movement, hoping my reflection can't keep up.

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I replace every word of a song with the name of my pet

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Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.