Naming you're offspring Peter Jankins

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Rubbing the corners of your lips on the side of your hand and smelling it.

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Fart and walk away from the stink area very quickly so nobody will know you made it.

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

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Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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I **** with no hands.

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Saving some leftovers of your favorite food .... the next week its still there (:

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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At the gym, I always try to do 5 pounds more than the previous person.

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I never find things funny unless I'm in a completely silent room, and it is then that I think or see something funny and begin to almost cry of laughter.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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thinking that the 'writing comments procedure' on this website is extremely irritating.

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Feeling sorry for inanimate objects

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read on youtube comments with too unlikes

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When on a sidewalk I always try to make my last step on the block with my left foot.

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When I am in class or somewhere boring I start getting thoughts of weird senerios like a group of zombies swamping the place or being hit by an earthquake etc and being one of the surivors. But then i realise that the possibility of that happening is incredibly slim and get depressed. Bananas!

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.