I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

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I can't drink while I'm walking I have to stop.

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Look at the clock to realize that it seems like the "second" hand is taking longer on the number its on right when you look at it, and/or you looked at the clock at the absolute perfect time. And it happens frequently..

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When you are in a car and a sad song comes on look out the window and pretend you are in a movie.

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When you accidentally like get something on your hand so you go to wash it off but feel compelled to wash your other hand too even if it's not dirty

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I want to suck on your penis

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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Promise to save money then spends all of it anyway.

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i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

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Buy tons of movies and only watch them once. Rarely buy books and reread them a million times.

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I always leave a little coffee in the pot so that it becomes someone elses problem

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recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

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Play with my own boobs for no reason

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Inspect the mirrors in store changing rooms in case they are one-way glass. Make faces into mirror as if you know they're back there.

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Try to think of something nice then thinks of then scariest things.

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think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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Remember some homework I have to do... On the day that it's due.

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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Fantasizing about your friends in like 25 years telling there teenage kids about growing up and being friends with you. When you are a huge rich and famous star.

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When I'm walking in the street and I hear a car coming from behind I try to beat it by running to the closest telephonepole.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.