I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

I can't drink while I'm walking I have to stop.

Look at the clock to realize that it seems like the "second" hand is taking longer on the number its on right when you look at it, and/or you looked at the clock at the absolute perfect time. And it happens frequently..

When you are in a car and a sad song comes on look out the window and pretend you are in a movie.

When you accidentally like get something on your hand so you go to wash it off but feel compelled to wash your other hand too even if it's not dirty

I want to suck on your penis

All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

Promise to save money then spends all of it anyway.

i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

Buy tons of movies and only watch them once. Rarely buy books and reread them a million times.

I always leave a little coffee in the pot so that it becomes someone elses problem

recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

Play with my own boobs for no reason

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

Inspect the mirrors in store changing rooms in case they are one-way glass. Make faces into mirror as if you know they're back there.

Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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Try to think of something nice then thinks of then scariest things.

think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

Remember some homework I have to do... On the day that it's due.

Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

Fantasizing about your friends in like 25 years telling there teenage kids about growing up and being friends with you. When you are a huge rich and famous star.

When I'm walking in the street and I hear a car coming from behind I try to beat it by running to the closest telephonepole.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.