Not clicking the Facebook 'like' button on "pee in the side of the toilet so its not as loud", because it will show up on your profile, and you think other people will think you're strange.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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Make hand gestures when talking on phone

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I eat one way in public and another way in private.

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Realise logically that a chicken egg is her period. we eat chicken periods!

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In a meeting at work, you imagine throwing coffee into your boss's face, just to see what he would do.

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Coughing really loud to cover up the sound of your fart, then shitting your pants.

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I always have excellent manners when eating around others, but when I'm alone I eat like a pig and have no manners.

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sometimes i sing and when i do , i make drum sounds with my teeth and you know, all that stuff

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Telling yourself that starting tomorrow you will start to exercise and eat better, but never doing it.

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Open the fridge, nothing there, close fridge, open again just to make sure nothing has magically appeared

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Stalk people on facebook, find out something interesting, and later claim that it 'came up on your newsfeed'.

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Check the toilet paper after wiping your ass

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If I hear a noise, it obviously means there is a monster somewhere in/near my bedroom and the sheets will protect me as long as they cover up to my chin.

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

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Stop at traffic lights thinking it will close soon, when actually remains only 5s to close second and u run like crazy.

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Smell my fingers after I pick u pennies or unlock the door with my keys!

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I think of unbelievably perverted things seconds before I am about to cum when masturbating.

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Whenever I'm scared at night in my room I turn on music. Because the music will keep away people trying to get me. Obviously.

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I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole

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Sometimes when I'm sitting next to a random person having a conversation with them (in the car for instance) I imagine myself reaching out and holding their hand. I then get super embarrassed just for having the thought.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.