when dialing a number, i hear the number itself when it is dialed

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imagine shooting lasers out from the car and bouncing them of walls and back to the car

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I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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I have short haircuts so I don't have messed up hair in the morning (It's a real time saver)

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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I tuck all sides of the blanket under my body and feet then over my head and leave a fresh air hole so im in a cocoon of blanket.

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I don't like to answer the phone because it is never for me.

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I am always SO sure the metal detector or store alarms will go off when I walk through them. –Ikka

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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Taking the little rings off the top of my bottles.

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

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After reading certain things on this website, I try them to see if they work.

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Whenever I cross the road with someone I try to walk faster then them just in case a car comes it won't drive me over.

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Try to pee on the toilet-paper in the toilet so it rips in half

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check shower for murder then pee

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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Secretly open a packet of something or spray some deodorant in a shop to check what it looks/feels/smells like. Then put it back and pick up the one behind because you just used/opened the one you were just holding.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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Wally,you mean Obamney is the only choice?

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Know you have enough milk in your cereal when you start to see it peek through the cracks

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When pooping I always fold my TP before. Anyone else do that? I also always have 4 squares each XD Email me if you do it :P mr.michaelgiorgio@gmail.com

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.