Show up for a blind date and say DAMN, WTF! When they open the door.

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I use my mobile as a torch and keep hitting random buttons to keep it alight.

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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When I go to somewhere like France I always wittily comment to my friend " oh look at all those bloody foreigners as I have always thought they were tougher on immigrants

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Handing something to a friend or someone and all you can think is "...I've fapped with that hand. And they know I have" even though you clean up after you feel like your jizz is gonna be on what you gave them and theyll find out amd think you're disgusting.

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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Freak out at sudden noises when home alone at night.

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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I'm so used to pooping with my phone that everytime I forget it I take less than 5 minutes, versus the usual 26.

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Turn shower water all the way up hot before getting out because it feels good

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Leave coins on the floor in the corner when I have a party to see if there is a petty thief around

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i eat choclate buns on easter for breakfast lunch and dinner.

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Slate the game you playing but always go back for more...ie FIFA, Cod!!!

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I'm 30, but to this day I still have fantasies about rescuing the girl that I'm secretly in love with from a dangerous situation. The fantasies get increasingly ridiculous, sometimes they even involve superhero stuff. It's as if my own mind was trying to let me know that I should grow the f*** up.

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When i lie, i try not to swallow because i think they'll notice - John

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seeing small spots in your eye (dust probably) and then chasing them with your eye trying to catch them

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Stop in the middle of a walk, then picture every face of every person you saw during that walk and what you were doing just in case a detective or police officer stopped you and asked "where you were at a this time?" or "have you seen this person?"

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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always check thde back seat before starting the car

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sniff my armpit when somebody says someone stinks and shouts NOT ME lol

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Embarassingly repeatedly use of the word "bro" when irritated or excited.

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I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

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Waste time looking all over for something and notice it is right where it should be.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.