jack off

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When watching a heavy action movie and you suddenly start thinking about how much it would cost to repair the damages made in the movie.

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Scared to flush the tolite at friends houses in fear that i will wake someone up of break the tolite.

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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I **** with no hands.

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Check the shower before you pee to make sure nothing is waiting there to literally get you with your pants down.

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Look at the toilet paper after i wipe my ass just to make sure i didn't leave anything behind..

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whenever someone pulls up beside you in another car, you are fully aware of them, but never look at them, your too cool to care what they look like.

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Put the towel near the shower so that you can stand on it and not get the floor wet

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Have a dream that you can breath under water and wake up and be very disappointed

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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I have the idea that i'm the only one who looks at this site.

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When I meet someone random, and have a small conversation, and then when they leave, I feel sad because I think I am never going to see them again.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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Seriously I am tired but, I read the fucking solvemedia stating "forget this", then I stood there for a moment having just forgot what I was supposed to type. "Was I not supposed to forget what I just read?" Nero: BRAINWASHING! FORGET THIS AND LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER! IM LEUTANANT BANGUS YOUR MUTHERUS YOU IDIOT!

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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when my parents are gone i shout random stuff

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Checking your phone for a text when you know you don't have one. Matt

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I ejaculate fire and glory

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Sometimes when I watch live TV, I mute the TV when I get embarrassed at what is happening on screen to other people.

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Feeling like no one really "knows" me, but only what they already see/know. Most things about me my family don't know about.

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When driving along in the car, imagining crashing and another car coming into you and the repercussions of it all.

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.