I don't care about gender stereotypes. Moral: If I want to like Pink unicorns I will like them!

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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look around my house for something to do for what feels like an hour then look back at a clock to realize thats its only been 4 minutes

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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wonder who wrote these things

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wonder why the word "MORTGAGE" has a T in it?

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misread dig bick

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I sometimes try to summon things with the force of my thoughts...I would be so useful...but no way, nothing ever moves.

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Whenever I switch sides on my bed, I feel like when I turn around some scary clown face is going to be RIGHT THERE in my face

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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Force a piss out really hard because you're in a rush.

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"????????? ???? ?????! ??? ?? ???????? UH1 HUEY!!! ??? ?? ???????? ??????? ??????????? ?????, ????????? ?? ??????? ? ??????????????? ???????!!! ?????? ????, ???????????????? ?? ???????, ?? ?????? ??????? ?? ????! ???? ???????????? ???????, ????? ??????? ???? ??? ?????????, ? ??????????? ?????, ??? ????????? ??????? ??????????? ?????!!! ? ??? ?? ????? ???? ??????? ??????????? ??????????. ???????? ????????,???? ????, ??? ??????? ?????? ??? ????? ??? ????? ???? ? ??????. "

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Walking with your friend talking about everything then you and your friend walk by someone you don't know and it gets awkwardly quiet

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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Sit on the loo and think about life because I can't be bothered to get up

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Not buying a product you might have otherwise been interested in simply because you think their TV ad is stupid.

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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Feel really paranoid until my game score is a multiple of 5

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Turn the fan and/or sink on in the bathroom to drown out the noise from masturbating.

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Normally I can do a specific task no problem but when someone is watching and I know that they are watching I screw up.

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Think about my life as a book when I'm in public, for example "I then walked over to my friend to say hello to him."

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On the bus think in your mind "I know you're reading my mind right now," and look for reactions.

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When someone is reading something out loud in class...and they are reading REALLY slow...You quietly read fast and you try to beat them to the end of the paragraph

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wonder if anyone is on at 12 A.M. log on to a social network and realize that theres a lot of people on

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.