Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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I constantly try to turn something I say into my catch phrase.

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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lie on the couch with my head upside-down and imagine what it'd be like to walk around on the ceiling, and if you were to flip the house over so the floor's the ceiling, what you'd have to nail down to keep in place.

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Hate to type Morals under each one of my posts Moral: A small chick in the hand is better than a huge C**K up your ass. I am pretty sure not even women nor homosexuals want birds up there...Then again, I havent searched for anything like that at the intern... they are eating her! And now they are gonna eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (fly stuck on head)

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Every time I see people's bare feet I'm automatically counting their toes to make sure if they have an extra toe or two.

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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When I first start dating or seeing someone I write down options for conversation starters before I phone them in case it goes silent.

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I daydream and consequently spend twenty minutes having a dump

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Swirling your hair through your hair while something is loading.

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Sometimes I'll think about something that's so weird nobody would ever do it, and then i figure there's a big chance somebody did it at least once in history.

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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Eat a biscuit realise how nice it is and eat the whole packet

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Music is ALWAYS playing in my head. I can't go a day without noticing that the whole time a song is just burned in my brain, playing over and over. Is this okay? Im pretty sure im the only one...

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when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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Own all of you hard! Moral: EXPLOSION NOISE!

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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Wonder if life is just a dream then get a creepy feeling and immediately think happier thoughts.

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I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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if i put my shirt on backwards, instead of taking my shirt off and putting it on right, i pull my arms in and just spin my shirt.

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When I check into a hotel room I think about the countless number of sex acts that has been performed in there.

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When eating skittles and share it with my friends, i gave them the flavors that i dont really like.

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When leaving a poop smear under the water in the toilet that doesn't get flushed away, I put a few pieces of toilet paper on the water surface to conceal it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.