Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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I have a cat that drops on it's side when she sees me coming

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I have to put the radio volume in multiples of three and my daughter has to put it in multiples of five so when we are together it either has to be on 15 or 30.

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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Having sudden realizations that you are a person who exists.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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When I walk into the bathroom and the lid of toilet is closed, I always get slightly nervous to lift it up and see into the toilet. I'm always thinking there'll be something disgusting or scary in there.

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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.don't like something because being scared that it appears on my wall.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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When you're chatting with a friend while you're walking around and not really paying attention then you turn around to took at your friend and you realise you've been talking to someone you don't even know the entire time.

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I play video games with the controller under the covers.

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Always run up the stairs as if someone was chasing you.

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When sitting with my laptop on the sofa, and a family member is watching TV in the same room, chuckle occasionally at the screen, just so they know you're not watching porn or something.

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In my head, my life is some kind of on-going documentary about my life. Sometimes when I'm alone, I conduct interviews.

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When I dry my hair after showering I put a towel on my head and look at the mirror pretending I am a mighty naked sheik.

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Use the 0.3141592653589793238462643383279502884 second rule

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Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

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pluck dried pieces of poop in your butt hair

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Going to sleep during class thinking that you've written down all your notes, until you wake up and realize you did nothing.

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Change my music to something cooler than the song im listening to when i pass by other kids my age

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.