Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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Promise to save money then spends all of it anyway.

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When you sit down to a great dinner with all your favorite foods and then the nanosecond your ass touches the chair you are instantly he most tired and uninterested in food than you have ever been before

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If I turn in a circle I have to turn the other way to balance it out and feel even!

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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Seeing someone gettin roasted for something and then making sure you dont do the same thing.

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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Show up for a blind date and say DAMN, WTF! When they open the door.

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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Talk out loud so my brother can hear me because no one ever wrote that they can read your minds. And i want him to know ineed him in my life still so I randomly say things out loud to him on accident. People always look at me with hidden shock wide eyed.

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When talking to someone you sometimes start with the middle of a story through the end, complete with random details that seem totally unrelated to them, and THEN you remember to tell the beginning (which is the part that actually relates to what they were talking about).

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When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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collect kleenex boxes for the cool designs

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Closing your eyes and covering your ears when you think someone is going to throw up.

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Use the toilet shower to wipe your a**, but denies the fact until death for your friends.

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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When you had a crush on a girl in elementary school, then don't see her in middle school and think of how much of a bitch she was. Then You start crushing on her again in high school.

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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Walking past a light switch, but miss when try to turn the lights on so you just keep walking instead.

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I purposely try to burp as loud as I can in public. –Ikka.

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Every room I go into I imagine like there's one of those DVD screen savers that bounces off the walls and i try to guess when it will hist a corner perfectly

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wonder who wrote these things

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.