Moisturize "down there" after a really drying wipe session.

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wonder who wrote these things

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when i'm in a really good mood i think everybody is watching and admiring me

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I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Spend countless hours looking at cars online I know I'll never be able to afford

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do a fake cough when my shit is falling in the toilet

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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Search for blackheads on your arms for hours just because youre bored!

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When they say the name of the movie in the movie i get excited o.O

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I violate and then kill people, all ages and kinds... ..:But everyone does that right? I mean... Lol, I just type that because I am insecure now, and I kill when I am insecure... ...Excuse me.

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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I like to turn the lights off in the bathroom, actually block every little bit of light I possibly can, then take a nice warm shower, curl up on the floor, block my ears and enjoy the warm water and sensory deprivation.

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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when on long car rides look out the window imagineing stick figures running

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Look at the clock to realize that it seems like the "second" hand is taking longer on the number its on right when you look at it, and/or you looked at the clock at the absolute perfect time. And it happens frequently..

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I piss excellence, shit suppority and whip myself with greatness.

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Doing something private and think "What if my mom/dad/boss etc. saw me now?"

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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Taking the little rings off the top of my bottles.

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Courtesy flush.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.