Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I avoid my wealthy but cool relatives because I don't want them to think I want money

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Teacher asks class a question, so I put my head down and pretend to take notes.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Only I CAN TYPE FUCKlNG FUCKlNG FUCKlNG AS MANY FUCKlNG TIMES I FUCKlNG WANT! Moral the friendly r*pist: FUCKlNG COOL!

thumb_up thumb_down -65

go though and like the posts with only one like so the person who wrote it doesn't feel alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I chew around the center of carrots.

thumb_up thumb_down -87

chew on the side of my teeth

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Sometimes I kiss my hand and pretend it's a person I like.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Reading these, realizing that you don't do some of the things on the top of the list, and wondering if you're weird.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Smoking a cigarette on the toilet and then accidentally ashing directly into your panties. Everytime.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

thumb_up thumb_down -14

When going to the bathroom, lock it and when trying to unlock and don't succeed immediately... ITS A TRAP! I'M LOCKED IN MY OWN BATHROOM!!

thumb_up thumb_down -115

I keep thinking a thing is about to fall from the table even though it's not close to the edge

thumb_up thumb_down +16

I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because fuck the NSA.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I read the down voted posts

thumb_up thumb_down -28

imagine a bunch of girls are watching you at home, so you don't look like a dumbass

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

thumb_up thumb_down +14

sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Pubic hair wishes... While on the toilet you try to pull out a hair... If it comes out close your eyes and make a wish....and throw it into the toilet... Flush... Repeat!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.