Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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wait up to 14 days just to find the opportunity to use one, really good, joke.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Look at pictures of people who lived a long time ago and wonder how they lived without television and the Internet.

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Eat the last bowl of ice cream. Then 6 hours later, you wish you hadn't. (sometimes even open the fridge and check whether you actually ate it or not)

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Admit, that most of your saved files on you´re computer have titles like: sdfdshleh / sjjs87 / sjflekeh

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When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

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Before I go to sleep, I imagine what it would be like dating a really hot actor or singer and think of dramatic scenarios that could happen.

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You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Playing with your phone or remote throwinng it up and down until it hits your face

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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After watching a movie, always walk out the theatre feeling like a total bad ass

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When you're full at a restaurant and leave your drink. One day you're thirsty and remember back to when you COULD have finished that drink.

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I have never watched Star Wars.

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Sometimes I think ''Someone somewhere in the world just got slapped'' or ''Someone just took a nasty shit''.

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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Only taking half a biscuit because it makes you feel bad and then taking another half of a different biscuit.

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Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

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When i'm eating M&Ms, I save one of each color until the end so I can eat them all at once.

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in silences, freak, thinking someone can read your mind and tell them off in your head

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.