When I have a good dream I can't remember it the day after, but I can remember another dream I had a year ago.

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I let everyone know I'm a lesbian as soon as I meet them, ('cause I wouldn't want to continue talking to someone who hates gays).

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I hold my boobs if I'm running upstairs and not wearing a bra.

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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Read posts on this website and realize there are a lot of weirdos in the world.

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check for spiders under the toilet seat before taking a dump

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filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

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Sometimes when I look at something up close, I alternate closing each eye and looking at the object from the other eye, then switch again. I do it really fast to make it look like that thing is moving. It's really entertaining.

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if someone posts something disgusting but true on this same site, rethink pressing the "thumbs up" button out of embaressment.

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I light my pubes on fire instead of shaving them because they aren't as itchy that way.

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when I have to shred important documents I am still not satisfied that I even burn the shredded paper

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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When I fap at friends house, I use mobile data instead of his wifi incase history can be seen

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When I watch porn,I sometimes pause the video and start looking something random. e.g. an unrelated article on Wikipedia.

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When I'm at the checkout and paying with my card, I try to put my PIN in the card machine before the cashier has a chance to tell me to do it.

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When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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Start thinking about my blinking and feel that I am blinking weird

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I approach balcony ledges with my feet firmly planted, just in case a random person decides to come pick me up and throw me off the balcony.

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Sit on the loo and think about life because I can't be bothered to get up

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My brother (who is 2 years younger) and I have our own language, consisting of movie quotes and silly stuff we made up when we were little. We speak it with abandon when we're alone, and try as hard as we can to suppress it when we're with a friend. But sometimes some of it slips out, and the friend looks at us like he's the guy who isn't in on the joke; I always get the feeling he or she thinks the two of us are crazy. By the way, if you're the third person in company with two close siblings who are speaking their own secret language, don't ask them to explain or look at them like they're crazy. They're not nuts, and you won't understand, even if they try to explain. Just let it pass.

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You like to think about how your favorite characters would react if you told them that they were fictional.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.