On an one night if I come too fast .je persuade the girl that I have to forget my cellular in my automobile and I get out

thumb_up thumb_down -72

If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Sometimes when I touch something I have to touch all of the object and with both hands, otherwise I feel incomplete.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

thumb_up thumb_down -64

sometimes when I listen to a song while riding in the car I look out the window and pretend I'm in some angsty music video

thumb_up thumb_down -151

When I'm on Facebook, I flip between someone's most recent profile picture and their first one, just to see how much they've changed.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Realizing that when you look behind a shower curtain before using the bathroom and actually see a Serial killer, you have no plan...

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Think "When are we ever going to use this in our life?" while sitting bored in school.

thumb_up thumb_down +133

I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

thumb_up thumb_down -37

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

thumb_up thumb_down -109

I control water in the shower.

thumb_up thumb_down +73

Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -51

When you walk across a cross walk and you stretch your steps so it takes one step for each line, yet you still try to look casual because ur in public

thumb_up thumb_down -55

I never find things funny unless I'm in a completely silent room, and it is then that I think or see something funny and begin to almost cry of laughter.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

when you have just ended a argument with someone and you think what else you could of said that would have been better to say

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Say "what?" when you know what they said, then answer before they can respond. I do it because it takes me a second to figure out what they said and so my immediate response it "what?".

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Hearing someone singing a song and stopping midway, so you need to finish it.

thumb_up thumb_down -98

Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

put an excessive amount of lead in your pencil

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.