Try to balance on and off on the light switch.

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Waking up @ 4 AM wondering where your pillow went

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get so shitfaced you wake up in a closet with piss everywhere

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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When on a boring car ride, add up all the numbers on the licence plates I see.

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Cough and shift my feet a lot when someone comes into the public bathroom so they know someone is in the stall and won't walk in on me.

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Sometimes when I'm sitting still I visualize myself being able to move myself using my mind.

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listening to music and not realizing ur favorite song is on until the last word

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Reflection and deep thoughts about the origin of life and the universe when showering

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do you feel that your normal, but you feel that the people around you are being nice to you because your mentally hanicapped

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jack off

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getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

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I mute music videos and watch them to completely different music.

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I always try to play it cool and act like it’s no big deal. But I always have a mini anxiety attack before actually stepping onto a moving escalator. It is a task trying to time my step perfectly where my foot isn’t hanging off a step and I have to hurry my second foot on there isn’t an awdward space of steps between my feet. -Ikka

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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When I go to use my laptop if my cat is sleeping in my chair I would use it somewhere else and leave her alone.

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DAS RITE MODERFOCKER! NOWUN MESSIS WIF FIRLUPE!!' (throws wine in face)

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Still record on VHS tapes.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Leave coins on the floor in the corner when I have a party to see if there is a petty thief around

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Go to get a drink and by the time you get there you already forgot what you were doing.

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Try to flip the dice at the casino to my number with my mind

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.