Feels my beard with my tongue.

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I was the real Stig...

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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"Hey, did you see that new episode last night?" "Yeah!" "Do you remember that part when he ran through the city?" "Yeah!" LIES

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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Walking into the little door at the store that people put the carts though.

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

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(2) When listening to someone I maintain eye contact, but don't actually hear a word they say, just thinking about the eye contact...

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Sometimes when I'm in the shower, I start kicking the bar of soap.

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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try to only take one step on each sidewalk square.

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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Make up a song to yourself.

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I wonder why the word ISLAND has an "S" in it?

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.