misread flashlight

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when your doing something or going somewhere you think didn't I already do this, like your back in time.

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Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When riding in a vehicle at night, where the stars are visible, I feel like they're racing.

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That microscopic flying things that follows my eyes' motion, especially when i look up in the sky.

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Wanting something so much. Getting it then wondering what to do next

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Hot in bed? Stick one leg out and then wrap it around the top of the duvet

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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Am I the only one that thinks of things, and force yourself to not to think about it, then you hear people laugh or go "OHHHH" so you think that you said your thoughts out loud and everyone heard?

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when you bleed you suck your own blood

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When you sit down to a great dinner with all your favorite foods and then the nanosecond your ass touches the chair you are instantly he most tired and uninterested in food than you have ever been before

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Dip my pizza crust in my soda

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Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

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Walking around near loud music and begin to feel like your walking to the beat.

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I feel no shame that I am a camgirl online and bring in about $2800 a month just to flash guys my boobs. :)

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Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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You imagine your future self visiting you and tell you about your life.

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Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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Get annoyed when I click on the "popular" button and it's always the same things.

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Sweep up the dirt into the dustpan and sweep the stuff you can't get under the cabinet.

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sleep with your legs crossed like your meditating.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.