Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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When sitting with my laptop on the sofa, and a family member is watching TV in the same room, chuckle occasionally at the screen, just so they know you're not watching porn or something.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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I can't brush my teeth and rinse in the sink right after I flush the toilet, for fear of it being connected somehow, and rinsing with my own piss.

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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Thinking our singing voices are amazing, until we record it and play it back.

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I pee in the shower.

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When in long car rides I imagine a little man running or on roller skates next to the car. When A car comes he turns into a ninja and can slide under/jump over or cut the car in half.

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Try to imagine every couple I see having sex.

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read on youtube comments with too unlikes

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Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

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I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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I play out romantic scenarios with myself when I'm alone. We're talking full-blown just straight up talking out loud- to myself, of course. It's not that I'm lonely or anything since I did this when I had a boyfriend anyway (just to clarify, it didn't end because of this XD.) I really just feel like doing it because it's really friggin' entertaining. If you've never done it, well... it's basically like being in a really crappy, low budget soap opera, with a plot that doesn't make any damn sense, staring you as every character and the audience. That's basically the only way I could describe it lol.

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While I Am on the computer late at night, my Mum tells me to go to bed, I say I will in a second. I stay for a few more minutes, my mum tells me again, I do the same thing...

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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Walk next to someone so you don't look too lonely.

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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Think of the best come-backs ever, a few seconds after the time to use them would be.

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Ur mum

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.