recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

thumb_up thumb_down -12

When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Takes playful flirting way to seriouse.

thumb_up thumb_down -90

When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Fake a yawn to see if other people will yawn back.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

going to bed at 10:30 pm realize i have to check Facebook go to YouTube randomly watch 2 hours of nothing, then find my self pulling an all nighter cause its 4 am and i got school.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

When i see people even strangers , in my mind i wonder if there virgins or not .

thumb_up thumb_down -68

http://www.todayswhatsappstatus.com/

thumb_up thumb_down -51

I can't stop watching ST:DS9, (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) It's so awesome, but then I just, (the same thing happens with whatever T.V. show i watch) GET COMPLETELY OBSESSED with it.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Take nibbles whenever you get to the last piece of your burger to make it last longer.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Pick out an object ahead of me on the footpath and guess which foot will step closest to it

thumb_up thumb_down -25

I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

When I dry my hair after showering I put a towel on my head and look at the mirror pretending I am a mighty naked sheik.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

i always think people can hear my thoughts.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

I hate it whenever i hear Manny Paquiao saying "you know" in every interviews he make. Am i the only one who notice it?

thumb_up thumb_down -27

I masturbate evenly with both hands so that my penis doesn't become crooked.

thumb_up thumb_down -124

Sometimes, I have a hard time looking people I know in the eyes but have no trouble looking strangers in the eyes. I wish I knew why. Help!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

sometimes, i smell my own farts.

thumb_up thumb_down +172

Feel the bed gets more comfortable the longer you put off getting into bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Look at the toilet paper after i wipe my ass just to make sure i didn't leave anything behind..

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.