I talk to myself when I'm alone

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When i am bored i go on the internet and i dont know what to do but as soon as i turn off my computer i come up with lots of fun things i could have done

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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When an ice cube fall on the floor I kick it under the fridge.

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Whenever I'm home alone, I dance and sing along to any commercial.

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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Clicking Yes to "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service" without reading one word of that stupid thing.

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hallo

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fart

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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I scrape the scum off my teeth with my fingernail and then I eat it.

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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When you are doing something (kind of weird) when you're alone and then stop because there might be a ghost watching.

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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I refuse to imagine good things happening to me, because if I did, it won't come true and I end up being suck at everything.

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take 30 pictures and only find 1 where you dont look like shit

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get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Playing hide-and-seek and finding the best spot ever, only to realize you have to pee

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When I make croissants from the Pillsbury can, I'll take one of the little triangles and eat it, because I like the consistency of dough, and i like the fizzy feeling of the yeast on my tongue.

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When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.