click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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I **** with no hands.

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

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even though you know you turned the light off, you have to go check before you can get to sleep

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

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pleasure my self... because I didn't they automatically censored certain words

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When you're all alone, practice for an interview you're bound to have when you're rich and famous and say other people's responses when they are asked about working with you.

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get bored so I fist myself for money

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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When I'm running a bath I sometimes sit and look at myself in the mirror and act out conversations with people I've never talked to or celebrities, and when I say something that sounds good I'll repeat it over and over again until I nail huge emotions on my face.

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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creating your own personal perfect partner in romance or frendship, almost like a imaginary friend (but you don't speak to them out loud)

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I pretend that I've caught the man in the walk/don't walk sign doing something bad and I stare at him accusingly

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When I'm in a hurry I brush my teeth while peeing because I think it saves time.

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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I use the internet to validate that weirdness is not actually weird at all.

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Make calculations with house number. Eg: House nº 112 means house nº 4

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Go for a 10 mile run.

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Think a really Fu**ed up thought in your head, and then get mad at your brain for even coming up with it, and finally trying to think really nice thoughts to make up for it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.