Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

Like a toy until it breaks.

Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

Change the channel during commercials when you have the remote, when you don't you go insane and say "TURN IT BACK WE'LL MISS THE START!!!"

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

When I'm in the shower, I talk to myself, usually about my plans for video game procedures.

when i'm in the shower and i close my eyes, i thnk something's gonna be there to scare me when i open my eyes again.

I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

Rub boogers under the arm rest on the couch.

When no one is around I make sound effects for everything I do.

jack off

When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

Fantasize about being with somebody else when I have sex

look at bins as i walk past them

I am always SO sure the metal detector or store alarms will go off when I walk through them. –Ikka

Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'horse-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

I look at people and think, "they poop" then as I'm imagining them pooping I hurry and change thoughts before they finish.

Not vote up my own posts? I bet I'm among the few..

I buy books and never read them and get mad at myself for doing so.

When I drop something, I stand there and watch it fall, I stand still because I'm afraid that I'll maybe mess up something else, instead of picking it up quickly. Am I the only one? ;)

When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

My goal is to get as much as possible thumbs down at this post.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.