Automatically lie to your dentist when they ask if you floss

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Fart when i'm alone RIGHT before someone walks in... try to talk over the smell...

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I'm so used to pooping with my phone that everytime I forget it I take less than 5 minutes, versus the usual 26.

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Laying or sitting down in a really comfy position, then getting up to do something, and when you come back you can't figure out the position you just had.

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Check behind the shower curtain for a killer.

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Count how long it takes before you stop peeing.

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Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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Stepping on people's feet when I approach to kiss/hug/say hi to them.

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Try to fly by jumping and then discover you can't

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I wish I was born again, but I had all of the knowledge I have now.

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Every time I open a door, I shout out "Alohamora!" and then I open it.

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Hatch an escape plan as soon as my date starts to complain about anything.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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Feeling very uncomfortable for days, untill your motivation finally reaches that point when you start learning for the exam.

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Touching your nipples at night wondering if anyone else wanted to touch them all day :)

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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Repeat the phrase "you too" after a comment someone makes that does not apply. Bob: happy birthday Jim Jim: you too bob. Awwww sh!t.

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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grab my cats tongue when he is licking my hand

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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Force a piss out really hard because you're in a rush.

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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Think your teacher is super hot and have a hard time concentrating in class . . . for the whole year.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.