When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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do math problems in my head while having sex to keep from coming

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Sometimes I reflexively say "ouch" when I drop an inanimate object and I'm not even hurt.

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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Use é instead of e to spell Pokémon

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When I was younger, I would always try to construct some type of car by using the plastic things from Push-Ups as wheels.

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I repeat (in my mind) the person's name that I want to dream about when I go to sleep

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??2????????????????????

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You do a retarded dance when a song you don't like comes on

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whenever im getting a haircut, i feel as if the barber can see my embarrassing and private thoughts.

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Dip my pizza crust in my soda

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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lie in bed, stare at the ceiling fan, focus on only one blade, and see how long your eyesight can follow it.

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Check your analog watch, wait for it to strike a minute, then look away and try to count 60 seconds out in your head before you look again. However many seconds you were away is your new record.

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find a nice photograph of food from the web and post it on fb just to watch my retard friends make a big deal out of it.

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Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

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I always twist my washcloth into a cone shape, so when I take my next shower it is dry and hardened. Then I pretend stab it into my stomach and say "MY LIFE FOR AIUR!" before getting it wet again.

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I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

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Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

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I'm paranoid of EVERYTHING. When I enter a room, I inspect it for cameras. When I'm in the bathroom I cover all the cameras on my iPod, Phone, etc. When I do something I'm not supposed to do on the computer (such as download music for free), I cover the webcam to assure the government can't see me. I control my thoughts 24/7 at fear that someone will read my thoughts. I have a strict feeling the someone is always watching me. I fear subliminal advertisements also. To sum everything up you could just read the first part. I DONT TRUST ANYTHING OR ANYONE! I'm Not sure if anyone else is as paranoid as I am...

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When ever I'm walking up or down stairs, i always have to step on the last step with my left foot.

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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having cool friends, but all of their other friends are nerds.

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.