Think of the best come-backs ever, a few seconds after the time to use them would be.

Ur mum

shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

Purposely save one piece of homework untill Sunday night in case you want to get out of doing something boring.

When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

Erasing the history cache on the computer after visiting an x rated website.

I can only play a piano with my right hand

Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

I pretend to get future messages. Like when I'm about to have a bad subject. I get a message from future me telling present me like 'Oh god. Yeah, brace yourself for science today.'

Lick my cell phone screen to clean it.

getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

Opens new book to random page. Reads snippet. Smiles to myself when I reach it 1 week later. -epsin

(2) When listening to someone I maintain eye contact, but don't actually hear a word they say, just thinking about the eye contact...

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.