when i'm in the shower and i close my eyes, i thnk something's gonna be there to scare me when i open my eyes again.

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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Think you're breathing way too loud when your headphones are turned up

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I constantly try to turn something I say into my catch phrase.

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Meet a really cool girl imagine the rest of my life with her.

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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lie on the couch with my head upside-down and imagine what it'd be like to walk around on the ceiling, and if you were to flip the house over so the floor's the ceiling, what you'd have to nail down to keep in place.

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Hate to type Morals under each one of my posts Moral: A small chick in the hand is better than a huge C**K up your ass. I am pretty sure not even women nor homosexuals want birds up there...Then again, I havent searched for anything like that at the intern... they are eating her! And now they are gonna eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (fly stuck on head)

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I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

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When in a public bathroom, flush the toilet right before your shit falls into the water, so no one will hear.

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Every time I see people's bare feet I'm automatically counting their toes to make sure if they have an extra toe or two.

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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When I first start dating or seeing someone I write down options for conversation starters before I phone them in case it goes silent.

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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If its dark and you have to go with rhe stairs i do that running because i tink somebody is behind my

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I daydream and consequently spend twenty minutes having a dump

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Swirling your hair through your hair while something is loading.

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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Sometimes I'll think about something that's so weird nobody would ever do it, and then i figure there's a big chance somebody did it at least once in history.

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Secretly think that Flo from the Progressive commercials is bangable.

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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Eat a biscuit realise how nice it is and eat the whole packet

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Music is ALWAYS playing in my head. I can't go a day without noticing that the whole time a song is just burned in my brain, playing over and over. Is this okay? Im pretty sure im the only one...

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when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.