I refuse to forward chain letters

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I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

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When a room is dark and the light is really far away, I close my eyes to feel my way to the lamp.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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When I notice that I have just breathed in/out, for the next minute or so I feel like I have to make a conscious effort to keep breathing.

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When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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Turn on the faucet and/or fan when using the toilet at someone else's house or at my own place when there is a visitor because I don't want them to hear me peeing.

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When I climb into bed every night, I always say, "Bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed," while shifting until I am comfortablely settled. -Ikka

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See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

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I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

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I have a cat that drops on it's side when she sees me coming

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Spray my perfume under my arms so if I sweat then it smells like perfume.

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Sometimes at night, I find myself imagining people I know saying my name, trying to get my attention in my head. They won't stop until I respond out loud.

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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On an one night if I come too fast .je persuade the girl that I have to forget my cellular in my automobile and I get out

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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speak proper english

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Realise logically that a chicken egg is her period. we eat chicken periods!

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When the car runs over bumps in the road on the freeway, they sound like horses hooves, so I pretend my car's being pulled by invisible horses.

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Sing really loudly and think you hear someone come in. yell "hello" for five minutes before singing again.

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.