I'm so used to pooping with my phone that everytime I forget it I take less than 5 minutes, versus the usual 26.

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I wonder what would happen if time froze and only I could move. I think about all the things I could do.

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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Try to flip the dice at the casino to my number with my mind

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Trying to take the same number of steps in a block of sidewalk while you're walking.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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See someone walking or in their car driving then imaging what they're doing next or imagine the rest of their life.

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

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Laying in bed kind of hungry, knowing exactly what you want to eat, and going over all the steps involved (going all the way to the kitchen, making the food, cleaning up, going all the way back to your room, plus it's nighttime and something might get you) and trying to decide whether or not it's worth it to go eat now or just wait until you wake up.

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wear warm clothes on hot days -jesse

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I put my finger in jars of jam/yoghurt/honey etc then lick the finger and repeat and hope nobody see's me.

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

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when you're walking down the streets and you listen to your iPod, you pretend you're part of the music video for that song and when no ones looking, lip sync to the lyrics, as if the camera man's filming you >.

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wonder if famous singers are actually the one that sings the song, or if someone else records it in the studio and then they lip sync at concerts.

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I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

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i can't watch the t.v. unless the volume ends in a 0 or 5

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When in the shower dread putting the shower gel on you chest as it is freezing!!!

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Questioning why they make the Captcha's(spamblocker) SO hard to read

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Kick the fallen ice cube underneath the fridge

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"Turn the tv volume with my feet" "Take a wood stick and think it's a sword"

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Still can't walk on cracks. If I step on the crack with one foot, the other has to as well.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.