When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Pick giant boogers and eat them.

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Fill up a glass, drink half, then fill it up again.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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get happy as sh*t when you remember your homework is do after your lunch period so you can do it then, but never end up doing it.

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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Suppress a sneeze and then walk around unsatisfied.

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Check the shower before you pee to make sure nothing is waiting there to literally get you with your pants down.

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Make pictures on the bathtub wall using the clump of hair from the shower drain.

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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Dip my pizza crust in my soda

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <<

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Pour the cheap shampoo I can only afford these days into the empty expensive bottle to trick myself I'm still using the good stuff.

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I stand under my ceiling fan, looking up while spinning around to make it look still...

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After using the restroom at someone's house I turn on the water and proceed to check myself in the mirror while the water runs and sounds like I'm washing my hands then I turn off the water and walk out.

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I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

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Sometimes I wipe my butt so violently that my finger goes through the toilet paper and into my butt hole. I enjoy it and question my sexuality. ;)

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Apply hand sanitizer after fapping.

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Eat something to pass the time while I wait for my food in the microwave to be cooked.

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You pause while walking around your house when you're home alone because you think you heard a noise, but then realize it was just you walking.

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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Wonder what random strangers look like or noises and such they make while having sex. Everyone literally. People you interact with at work , customers, your boss, the married couple. Except for people who are like dirty looking af. Our just straight up ugly. Then your like grossed out by those thoughts your having and start getting that home sickfeeling in your stomach. Almost like butterflies but like dead ones or something. Hard to explain.

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i smoke weed all day.

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I like to swallow great ammounts of water just to make the loud "clunk" sound in my throat.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.