Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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Like a toy until it breaks.

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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Change the channel during commercials when you have the remote, when you don't you go insane and say "TURN IT BACK WE'LL MISS THE START!!!"

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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When I'm in the shower, I talk to myself, usually about my plans for video game procedures.

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when i'm in the shower and i close my eyes, i thnk something's gonna be there to scare me when i open my eyes again.

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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Rub boogers under the arm rest on the couch.

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When no one is around I make sound effects for everything I do.

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jack off

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When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

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Fantasize about being with somebody else when I have sex

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look at bins as i walk past them

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I am always SO sure the metal detector or store alarms will go off when I walk through them. –Ikka

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'horse-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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I look at people and think, "they poop" then as I'm imagining them pooping I hurry and change thoughts before they finish.

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Not vote up my own posts? I bet I'm among the few..

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I buy books and never read them and get mad at myself for doing so.

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When I drop something, I stand there and watch it fall, I stand still because I'm afraid that I'll maybe mess up something else, instead of picking it up quickly. Am I the only one? ;)

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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My goal is to get as much as possible thumbs down at this post.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.