When i need to poop i place toilet paper over the water so it doesn't splash up and hit my rectum.

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I act as though I've had movie cameras placed in my eyes and a bunch of people will watch my life as a movie at some point. And so I do a narration voice for them.

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Sometimes I imagine how everyone would react if I died.

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I actually get stuck watching those rediculous infomercials late at night... Yeah - you're not alone. But no, I don't buy anything either... Lol.

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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make food scream if i chop them up.

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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I scratch and sniff.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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When I'm listening to my ipod on a road trip I look out the window longingly and pretend to be in a music video

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.