Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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Remember some homework I have to do... On the day that it's due.

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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Fantasizing about your friends in like 25 years telling there teenage kids about growing up and being friends with you. When you are a huge rich and famous star.

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When I'm walking in the street and I hear a car coming from behind I try to beat it by running to the closest telephonepole.

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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Secretly think that Flo from the Progressive commercials is bangable.

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When you're alone in a room and you have to turn on the TV so it's not as silent...

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I flick through the channels on my TV really fast to try and make a complete sentence.

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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Try to see nipples through body paint.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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Skip peeing before bed because you dont feel like it, knowing that in about 15 minutes youre going to have to get back up because you wont be able to fall asleep until you go pee.

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Think you're breathing way too loud when your headphones are turned up

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I piss in the bed every night

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flushing the toilet eventho not yet finish pee-ing. So that the water sucks it right after the last drop of your pee. Saves 2-3seconds of your life.

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Worry a lot about the efficiency of your path when walking.

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KICK THE CAN

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When driving and a song come on about death I switch the station because i'm afraid its going to happen to me

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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When I'm walking along and just trip over my own foot I look back and pretend to look at whatever it was I tripped over.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Can't stand it if something rubs against my knees up the way...if it happens i have to rub them down the way with my hands or they feel weird

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.