Think of the best come-backs ever, a few seconds after the time to use them would be.

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Ur mum

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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Purposely save one piece of homework untill Sunday night in case you want to get out of doing something boring.

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When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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Erasing the history cache on the computer after visiting an x rated website.

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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I pretend to get future messages. Like when I'm about to have a bad subject. I get a message from future me telling present me like 'Oh god. Yeah, brace yourself for science today.'

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Lick my cell phone screen to clean it.

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getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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Opens new book to random page. Reads snippet. Smiles to myself when I reach it 1 week later. -epsin

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(2) When listening to someone I maintain eye contact, but don't actually hear a word they say, just thinking about the eye contact...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.