Drop something down the side of the couch, say that you'll get it in a minute and then forget about it

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I wonder if things are there because I see it and if I was not there to see it would it disappear?

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I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole

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k. everyone

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When I wipe after taking a poo I always get excited when there is no extra poo to be wiped off...yea...don't judge

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avoid using ketchup and mayo since they make everything taste like um... ketchup and mayo... which is kind of boring

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Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

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To my comment below... Rest im peace MJ... Shhh! Mary Jane is resting!

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I have to put the radio volume in multiples of three and my daughter has to put it in multiples of five so when we are together it either has to be on 15 or 30.

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I enjoy my company, I love myself, which is contagious, people around me enjoy my company, and love themselves. Moral: Thumb me down and prove you are a sad fuck TODAY!

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Thinking you could be in a "Truman Show" style scenario and scanning areas of your house and possessions for tiny little cameras and microphones.

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Music is ALWAYS playing in my head. I can't go a day without noticing that the whole time a song is just burned in my brain, playing over and over. Is this okay? Im pretty sure im the only one...

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Stop at traffic lights thinking it will close soon, when actually remains only 5s to close second and u run like crazy.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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I make it sound like i'm ordering for more than one person when I'm really only getting fast food for myself.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

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when I'm walking i always try to step over the cracks with the same foot every time

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Always coming up with a really great comeback in my head 5 seconds too late. And then playing out what would have happened if I had said it.

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I like to have a picture of my crush on my computer screen, and will walk around a room while he 'looks at me'.

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Tried to suck ur own penis

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When I watch a movie that terrifies me, I usually find myself sitting on the sofa with a kitchen knife in my hand at the end of the movie.

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Somehow can't find anything good to eat after going grocery shopping... even if you buy Oreos

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.