Giving my dog a massage.

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"Oh, that was a messed up thought, probably shouldn't think about it again or something worse because---GODDAMN IT."

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Locking your pet in the room and forcing it to spend time with you.

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feel special if I don't get thumbs up on my posts

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Write a post and then find that someone else has already said it, but in a different way...wtf I'm really annoyed. And they have more likes too.

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Mix up "I'm starving," "I'm freezing," and "I have to pee," in my head, and then say them out loud the wrong way, in times of extreme starving/freezing/needing-to-pee desperation.

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whenever there's a fight on facebook, i sit back and read it and i'm just like "people are stupid hehe"

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Put my hands together the 'other' way

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I never did certain things like move to a new house or attended a certain school or college. I wonder if I still would have met the people who are in my life now. I think about If I never met my best friends, people who are like family to me. Then I get really sad because it's something I never want to imagine. Afterwards, I talk to them to cheer myself up.

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Think you looked good the whole day, then come home and realize you were a hot mess and nobody told you

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When i was little i used to see people's cars shaking and wondered why they were listening to a song that just goes "BOOM BOOM BOOM"

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Seeing someone gettin roasted for something and then making sure you dont do the same thing.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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check shower for murder then pee

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worry about your eyebrows sneaking their way up and making wrinkles on your forehead

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Try to make a sound described in a book or text (like a gasp or a gargle)

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Download a new app, and say to myself I'll never stop playing it. Play it for 2 hours and forget about it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.