After watching a video of someone doing something tiring, I always feel tired in whichever body part they were using in the video

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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I scrape the scum off my teeth with my fingernail and then I eat it.

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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when on a bus, pretend to fail to see your acquaintances to get some rest and avoid boring conversations.

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Videotape my mother in the shower.

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When you are doing something (kind of weird) when you're alone and then stop because there might be a ghost watching.

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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I refuse to imagine good things happening to me, because if I did, it won't come true and I end up being suck at everything.

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You try to tell a joke to impress everyone and then you mess it up.

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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take 30 pictures and only find 1 where you dont look like shit

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When i want to write a joke on anti jokes.com i laugh at my friends instead!

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I really don't know what to do when i see a double post on here. I mean, i get that people like to do stuff with their feet when their in bed, but somehow al lot of these people do not find it enough to vote up an existing post.

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when you can't think of anything to type you just type random letters. a;lsdfj;ldfkjsfasdfljf

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get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

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I don't use my car air conditioning because I think it's wasteful and it might "run-out" when I'm REALLY, REALLY hot.

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Playing hide-and-seek and finding the best spot ever, only to realize you have to pee

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.