See a ridiculously hot girl and wonder to myself "who is the guy who gets to have sex with her. And why does she like him?" As if that can help me bag an equally hotter girl.

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to wake up from a nice dream than try to sleep again to finish it

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Not clicking the Facebook 'like' button on "pee in the side of the toilet so its not as loud", because it will show up on your profile, and you think other people will think you're strange.

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Cough and shift my feet a lot when someone comes into the public bathroom so they know someone is in the stall and won't walk in on me.

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I flip the pillow at night to feel the cool sensation.

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Someone asks a question and you say "what?" and then answer them because you actually heard but didn't realize it.

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when someone mispronounces something I say the correct pronunciation quietly under my breath so it doesn't bother me

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Feeling sorry for inanimate objects

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say to my friend do you ever think that someone else is thinking the same thing that they are thinking at this moment in time and then SHYT in there mouth. Normally they gurggle it in their throat, before swallowing it and making a pedo face, and sometimes i bike naked and shit on cars with diorrea so it explodes on the windows.

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I can't brush my teeth with the toilet lid up.

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when i eat, i sometimes switch which side of my mouth i chew my food with to even it out.

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I sometimes wonder if im the only living person on earth and everyone else is just there in order to affect my existance -Henry

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I cover my webcam on my when I fap in fear that someone/something is watching.

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I pick my nose n eat it. I love the hard ones

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While listening to songs, your always thinking of a situation to go along with it.

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I always feel a little twinge of regret when I see "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service," because I know it's a lie.

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When I'm in the shower and I hear a noise I automatically think someone broke into my house and killed my family and that they're coming for me and I will have to fight off the killer naked.

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Sit there with my hand just resting down my pants casually when I'm alone. It's comfy!

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while talking about someone, immediately fear they are somehow listening

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Check the time on my cell phone, put it back in my pocket. Dammit, didn't see the time. Check it again.

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lie in bed, stare at the ceiling fan, focus on only one blade, and see how long your eyesight can follow it.

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Sometimes I imagine what it would look like if I was seeing out of another person's eyes across from where I happen to be.

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I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

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I think people especially my parents, can hear my thoughts

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.