masturbate quietly in my room.

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When I do a fresh pile of laundry I throw them on my bed and lay in them.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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losing something in the house, looking for it and then for some reason if I can't find it, I look in all the same places again

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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I sometimes feel someone is watching me and speak towards it in a calming tone, only to again speak to myself telling myself im just being silly... only to turn my head and look behind me just in case.

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When I'm alone I occasionally like to give a little hump to the air. Not for sexual reasons or anything, just because it feels right.

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Not expecting anyone to come over, some one knocks on the front door, mute the TV and hope they just go away.

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When I see someones comment has alot of dislikes , I add on to it .

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fap

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When telemarketers call I speak Afrikaans to them until they hang up

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Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

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I ejaculate fire and glory

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Take a side of bacon and jack off watching Babe.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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when you say something and they go what? so you repeat it and they still didn't hear but once you say "forget it" they suddenly understood you perfectly.

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Accidentally try to downloade PC software on your mac.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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Run back into your room when your microwaving something

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popping the lenses out of 3D glasses and wearing them when your doing homework or studying because it makes you feel smarter.

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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Have a dream about falling and never stop falling and it feels real

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slow down in front of automatic doors thinking they won't open and then rushing through when they do so you don't look stupid

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I'm starting to ignore Hollywood, the news and experts opinions more and more.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.