You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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I don't cut a conversation on the phone short just because I have to use the "facilities". I've mastered the art of being as far away from the toilet while flushing and sprinting out of the bathroom.

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I look at people and think, "they poop" then as I'm imagining them pooping I hurry and change thoughts before they finish.

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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if im alone and singing to music, i watch myself in the mirror

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coughing when your having a poo so people know that your on the loo

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Closing your eyes and covering your ears when you think someone is going to throw up.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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wonder if anyone's watching you and try to seem like a decent person

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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Liking your own posts to make it seem like at least 1 person likes you. thinking that maybe someone will be slightly compelled to like it because someone already did.

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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On the train, try and mathematically make (add,subtract,multiply,divide etc.) the carriage number to get to ten

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When I step on something pokey, I don't say the quick "OW" that is expected, I go the extra syllable and a say "JOW!"

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I eat one way in public and another way in private.

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'horse-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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Think of the best come-backs ever, a few seconds after the time to use them would be.

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I think of who will I save if a killer come to school

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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choose which piece of cereal in the cereal bowl i should eat last.

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Think about all of the germs that are on restroom doors and water taps.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.