I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

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I meow when my cat meows.

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I push the door open with my stomach

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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Always check the other side of the shower curtain when showering out of fear that someone is on the other side

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I hate other people's mirrors, they make me look different

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Look at my poop before flushing

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check shower for murder then pee

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when you kill a bug you act like a god and yell something before you kill it

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When reading something on the internet highlighting the words, they don't even have to be what you'r reading just highlighting large sections of the article at random.

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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Playing with a tiny piece of loose skin in the middle of my upper lip.

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

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A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

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Pass wind after i ate lasagna.

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I am 23 and I still wish the stalk will take back my younger brother

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Seeing someone gettin roasted for something and then making sure you dont do the same thing.

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Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

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Pretend my life is a videogame.

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Really really happy that resisted getting a facebook or twitter account

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when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

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Sitting next to a banana called James

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When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.