No ones home. Go to youtube and do karaoke. Can the neighbors here me? Guess im not talking to them ever again...

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Look at every individual line on my hands and see if they are identicle

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I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

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My parents are annoying.

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When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

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Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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I like to sleep on the floor; my my cushion is too soft.

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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When you say bye to someone and keep walking in the same direction, and then its really awkward...

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This is kind of embarrassing... after I watched "Truman Show" I went home and talked to my mirror like Jim Carrey does in the film.

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Blow on your ice cream for no apparent reason before you eat it.

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When I'm alone with my pet, sometimes we just sit down and stare at each each other for a minute or two

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I like to watch online videos of people and pause the video mid sentence to see the faces they make frozen mid speech

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I feel like people next to me can read my mind so if I start thinking about something sexual it feels super awkward

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Whenever I have to carry a heavy box with both hands a long distance, my nose decides it's going to itchy.

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When you sit down to use the toilet, start, and then realize that the window is open and people can hear you.You then either search for something to mask the sound or proceed to relieve yourself by making as little noise as possible (ultimately failing)

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When I wipe after taking a poo I always get excited when there is no extra poo to be wiped off...yea...don't judge

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I don't know why but I really wish I can ride a bike or drive a car through a shopping mall.

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Time a song on my MP3 player to be the soundtrack to something I'm about to do, especially in public places.

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Does anyone else's mouse hand get colder then their other hand when they're on the computer?

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Make a little song with tiny breaths out of your nose

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Dance in the car just so the person you like will see you and be like "Aw, cute" but then they don't even see you so you stop...

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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Sometimes I think ''Someone somewhere in the world just got slapped'' or ''Someone just took a nasty shit''.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.