My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

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When you can feel yourself blushing so you pretend to be preoccupied with something else.

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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I think Lois Griffin on Family Guy is hot!

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k. everyone

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Whenever I fart, I always smell it. But when other people fart, I don't want to smell it.

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Go up/down the stairs in 10 steps exactly. Talk to an imaginary girlfriend when I'm guilty of something, and she helps me out and holds me till I fall asleep.

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Sometimes cringe at the sound when other people scratch themselves

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when you read a post that you don't do then start doing it

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as soon as i put some mint gum in my mouth, i sneeze countless times.

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Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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When listening to music via headphones in public, I become paranoid that I am bothering everyone around me as my breathing becomes louder without me realising.

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I practice my signature on a piece of paper over and over again. Even though my signature has never changed.

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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Having the tv on always, just for background noise. Doesn't work with a computer/laptop, must be the tv.

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Keep trying to defend your point even after you've realized you're wrong in an argument

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Feel like puhing the crap out of people who talk loud in public places.

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When someone is talking to me and I'm not really listening, when it gets quiet I say 'that's crazy' so they think I'm listening.

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Hit the enter key really hard when finishing a long piece of text that you have just written.

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when you have just ended a argument with someone and you think what else you could of said that would have been better to say

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Go to the same website two days in a row and then never again after that

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.