Having sudden realizations that you are a person who exists.

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whenever i'm talking about someone, i constantly check my phone to make sure i haven't butt-dialed them and they're listening to everything i'm saying about them!

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Do sex sensations feel exactly the same for the opposite sex.

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Write "my opinion thinking-aloud-sentences" on the "circle the answer" test as footnotes when I'm not sure about the answer.

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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wonder who wrote these things

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Sometimes when walking, accidently fart and then try to squeak my to sound like my shoes squeaked instead of me farting.

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Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

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Make jokes about yourself on the period: "dear god, this is the 5th day I`m bleeding and I`m sill not dead. What kind of monster am I?" ...not funny... :)

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try not to step on cracks on the sidewalk

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Think about all of the germs that are on restroom doors and water taps.

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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I flick through the channels on my TV really fast to try and make a complete sentence.

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While at the movies, grab and eat your popcorn with your tongue and pretend you are a lizard.

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get caught up in youtube comment arguments

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push a fart out really slow so you think nobody will hear it

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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not be afraid of hurricane sandy

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Worry a lot about the efficiency of your path when walking.

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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worry about other people hearing you pee when your in the bathroom.

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Stick my hand all the way to the bottom of a tub of grease.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.