Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

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if your behind glass or a window and you see a group outside, imagine their conversation.

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Feel like puhing the crap out of people who talk loud in public places.

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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If I have my computer and I have to do something quietly (because there are other people about) I hear music in heaphones, just so it seems to myself that I'm more discreet, as I can't hear myself.

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Make a little song with tiny breaths out of your nose

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Almost every time someone tells me something sad I have to fight the urge to grin.

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play my ipod all night till my eyes hurt

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talking on the phone with somebody and then spending 10 minutes or so looking for your phone...

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check for spiders under the toilet seat before taking a dump

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twirl your penis in a cirlce and make the woo woo sound

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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Think about the same confusing random dilemas that dont involve me every week and alwaus come to the same conclusion

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Smell a fart and don't react until someone else does.

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I hate being called "buddy".

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Pee while setting down even if your a dude.

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If I'm trying to read a clock or bulletin from far away, I instinctively stand and point at it.

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Search for blackheads on your arms for hours just because youre bored!

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I brush my teeth while im in the shower

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I have to keep reading website pages until I reached 5, 10, 15 etc. When I get close to my age though, I can finish there.

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When you accidentally like get something on your hand so you go to wash it off but feel compelled to wash your other hand too even if it's not dirty

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Play with my own boobs for no reason

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.