when riding home on my bike with music on pretenend im in a race with no1 and commentate on iend get really exccited on the last straight especielly when a rocky soundtrack song comes on

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When I'm in the shower, I'm afraid something might try to kill me so I shower with my glasses on.

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resting your head from your face to your hand and then you realize you face now looks disfigured.

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When in bed, I fold a small section of the covers in my hand to make a point and poke my fingers with it.

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When walking on stairs, always counting how many of them there are.

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try not to step on cracks on the sidewalk

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

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i want to FAWK the SHYT out of that girl

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Put toilet paper on the seat in my own house.

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creating your own personal perfect partner in romance or frendship, almost like a imaginary friend (but you don't speak to them out loud)

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

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When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

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In school trying to do a small fart because it really hurting and suddnly a earthquake happens

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Eat a biscuit realise how nice it is and eat the whole packet

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spank it during my commute if I am in traffic

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I make a mental note NOT to buy the product or service if I feel they are trying to brainwash me with their ads.

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Has anyone else ever wondered why the women in shows and movies lie with the blanket covering them after apparently having sex with the other person.

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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I use my mobile as a torch and keep hitting random buttons to keep it alight.

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when I go shopping I go in the store, get what I need and then I leave I don't browse.

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.