open the fridge A eat food B think

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get annoyed when people talk on the phone really loudly in front of the TV, forcing you to mute your show, resulting in you missing half of what the people are saying.

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Wonder if I have a twin across the world and he makes all the opposite decisions.

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Pee in the shower

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I have short haircuts so I don't have messed up hair in the morning (It's a real time saver)

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Poop naked.

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Give vocal commentary on the song I just played when I'm the only one in the car.

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I pick at my cuticles when I'm bored.

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I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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Whenever I am in a dark room at night, and there is a window with blinds with a light shining through, I stand in front of it and pretend I am wearing a striped prison jumpsuit.

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sometimes when i fart i feel like i pooped a little in my underwear but tell myself ''no i didn't'' but feel poopy until i check.

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When taking a dump in a public restroom, if someone else walks in, I wait until they leave the restroom before finishing up and leaving the stall, just to make sure they don't see who I am.

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When climbing onto an escalator, I cannot just step on it and go, I have to mentally prepare myself and time my steps to get on, especially if it's going down, cause I'm terrified I will fall off... I usually end up irritating the people behind me trying to get on, as it takes me almost 10 to 15 seconds to find the right step.. And also, I cannot touch the escalator's sides.

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If two cars towing boats were to crash into each other, Would that make it a boating accident?

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Dance in the car just so the person you like will see you and be like "Aw, cute" but then they don't even see you so you stop...

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When I see someone who is clearly wealthy, I think to myself "I could do it better than you..."

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start planning Halloween costumes on November first.

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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I have to put the radio volume in multiples of three and my daughter has to put it in multiples of five so when we are together it either has to be on 15 or 30.

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When I go to somewhere like France I always wittily comment to my friend " oh look at all those bloody foreigners as I have always thought they were tougher on immigrants

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Boring car ride? Read every food & drinks rapper you can find .

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Sometimes I think ''Someone somewhere in the world just got slapped'' or ''Someone just took a nasty shit''.

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only turning the TV volume to numbers ending in 5

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.