Sometimes when walking, accidently fart and then try to squeak my to sound like my shoes squeaked instead of me farting.

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Pretending not to hear someone talk to you hoping they wont care enough to repeat themselves so you wont have to talk to them

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Listen to song and think of a great montage that would go with it.

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Everytime I look at the clock it see so say 4 20 9 11 or 11 11

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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i want to FAWK the SHYT out of that girl

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clean my ears with finger if they feel dirty...eat it.

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Being afraid to close your eyes when you're washing your hair in the shower because you think a murderer will be right there when you open your eyes again. That or Scared to shower when your home alone at night.

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At school I go along with the norm even though inside I HATE it!!!!

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Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

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When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

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Walk next to someone so you don't look too lonely.

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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I wonder do females have morning wood equivalent?

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after switching lights..i go run as hard as i could do after reaching the bed

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When I wipe after taking a poo I always get excited when there is no extra poo to be wiped off...yea...don't judge

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Thinking you can do parkour even when you cant and the have a friend over and try to show off

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twirl your penis in a cirlce and make the woo woo sound

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i have my own way of eating every chocolate bar i eat, layer by layer

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I have walked into a sliding glass door

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Pee in the garbage at night when I don't want to wake the whole house up.

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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Run up all stairs two at a time, and memorize all the staircases with odd number of steps. On those, I start with one step so I can end on a two.

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Smoking a cigarette on the toilet and then accidentally ashing directly into your panties. Everytime.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.