- Things You Think Only You Do

Writing d as b and b as d or p as q

Check my underwear for any sh!t from farts (yes, sometimes my shit comes with a fart) captcha: royal flush

You try to tell a joke to impress everyone and then you mess it up.

After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

When I let water out the bath I swish the water so it makes a little whirlpool

Smelling your armpits to see if you smell and then disguising at as yawn/stretch

When I'm in a room with other people, no matter who they are, I make myself choose the person I would tolerate the best having sex with just in case of a disaster and we need to procreate.

I often wonder if people ever talk about me, when I'm away.

KICK THE CAN

Say 'she's not here' when someone that I don't know calls and asks for me.

When I have nothing do do in Life Science I read the textbook.

get home from work and masturbate instantly

Wonder if anyone doesn't actually talk to themselves for some reason or another at some point in their life. (If so, how can talking to yourself be the first sign of madness? So many people do it...)

i noticed that a lot of people pronounce "LOL" like roll. Am i the only one that reads it as L. O. L. (el oh el) ????

Hold your breath when you go in bridge tunnels and compete against your friends to see who can last longer.

I somtimes think about what I would o if I had a wish and I go into a lot of detail about it in my head and then realize it will never actually happen

Walking past a light switch, but miss when try to turn the lights on so you just keep walking instead.

When the car ride is silent, I wink with my right eye when I pass a sign on the right, and the opposite for the left. And then when there's a double yellow line, I close my eyes.

When I use deodorant, I flap my arms like a chicken a couple of times to get some air moving under there...

I use two pillows as I sleep, but I don't put them under my head, I put my head in between them.

Pretending you don't know that much about something because other people might think it would be wierd if you did. Ex: if you you knew someone's exact birthdate and you were discussing it with some one and you where like ya he looks a little older he's probably in his mid 40s or early 50s instead of just admitting you know there exact age.

My brother (who is 2 years younger) and I have our own language, consisting of movie quotes and silly stuff we made up when we were little. We speak it with abandon when we're alone, and try as hard as we can to suppress it when we're with a friend. But sometimes some of it slips out, and the friend looks at us like he's the guy who isn't in on the joke; I always get the feeling he or she thinks the two of us are crazy. By the way, if you're the third person in company with two close siblings who are speaking their own secret language, don't ask them to explain or look at them like they're crazy. They're not nuts, and you won't understand, even if they try to explain. Just let it pass.

Find it impossible to get rid of the itch on the bottom of my feet or my palms when they're itchy

I rearrange books, movies, etc. in the correct alphabetical order in the fiction section of my public library, other people's houses, classrooms at school, etc. Sometimes this process takes a very long time.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.