Have to suddenly poop while shopping (mainly in Wal-Mart), but don't feel like traveling far to the restroom. So I kneel down in whatever aisle I'm in, casually shove my heel up my butt, and pick up some random item from the shelf and pretend to be interested in it. Finally, when the poop is secure in my butt, I'll put the item back and continue my shopping.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Look at restaurant signs and realize the font isnt as fancy as you once thought

thumb_up thumb_down -55

in the morning the first thing I do is pick my nose n eat it n then I smell my discharge

thumb_up thumb_down -133

Naming you're offspring Peter Jankins

thumb_up thumb_down -137

Picking your nose to get rid of that annoying whistling in your nose when you breathe.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

after having a hot shower I sometimes just sit in my room wearing just a towel

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Accidentally make a weird noise and quickly turn around frantically to see if anyone else hear it.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

when bored, i imagine my EXACT plan for the zombie apocalypse, down to what would look cool if i was walking down a desolate street ( i am legend style) :D

thumb_up thumb_down -34

I read your stuff at the interwebs and think "sons, I am disappoint" Moral: Lol, I just might be your father you know... But that does not mean you disappoint me anymore, I kinda expect your worst? Best? I mean... Are you doing your worst on purpose? WOW!

thumb_up thumb_down -54

if someone posts something disgusting but true on this same site, rethink pressing the "thumbs up" button out of embaressment.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Hate using public bathrooms because everyone can hear you pee.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

do you feel that your normal, but you feel that the people around you are being nice to you because your mentally hanicapped

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Secretly think that Flo from the Progressive commercials is bangable.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Wearing cheap CZ rings to either stop guys hitting on me or pretend I'm engaged.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

choose which piece of cereal in the cereal bowl i should eat last.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Try to think of as many as my female friends as literally possible while masturbating. Rapid Fire envisioning each one I can think of - regardless of their attractiveness - taking my load in one place or another, until I actually cum.

thumb_up thumb_down -101

i don't have read and agree to the Terms of Service - View Terms of Service

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Suddenly thinking that this is all a dream, and having to pinch yourself to make sure it isn´t. Or is it?

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Read through all these posts and get all excited when you see things that you thought only you did

thumb_up thumb_down -38

DAS RITE MODERFOCKER! NOWUN MESSIS WIF FIRLUPE!!' (throws wine in face)

thumb_up thumb_down -52

I always wonder if anyone has a crush on me.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Laying or sitting down in a really comfy position, then getting up to do something, and when you come back you can't figure out the position you just had.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Show up for a blind date and say DAMN, WTF! When they open the door.

thumb_up thumb_down -112

i just sit there thinking, how is it not butter?

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.