When the car runs over bumps in the road on the freeway, they sound like horses hooves, so I pretend my car's being pulled by invisible horses.

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Praying to God even though you tell people you're an Atheist.

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Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

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Imagining a friend can see everything you do during the day through telepathy.

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When i'm done sleeping, I wake up.

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Whenever we watch a movie or stupid educational film in school, I sleep.

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sleep with your legs crossed like your meditating.

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When I masturbate I trade hands often in fear that my penis may become crooked.

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Buying a new song, listening to it on repeat for hours until it gets old, and then never listening to it again.

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If someone uses a term thats like, in the know, and they ask if i know what it means, ill act like, of course ido, even if i dont, and then ill go home and look it up.

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I stare at people to see if they have a innie or outtie belly button

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Pour cereal. Realize there is no milk. You really want cereal so you try it with water. Realize that was a bad idea.

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I can't help spitting into the toilet when I piss, let it drop out my mouth and hit the water to see if I can get it in the center.

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When I pee if there is already some toilet paper there I try to sink it with my pee.

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when i'm in a really good mood i think everybody is watching and admiring me

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Sometimes I become paranoid that the ceiling is going to randomly come crashing down and kill me.

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Before I go to bed I have to put one of my hands between my knees in order to warm up and get comfy.

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incognito mode on google chrome

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Drying yourself after the shower with a towl, wiping your ass dry and beeing scared when you dry other parts of your body you dont use the same part of the towl.

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When walking in a pub or a mall or any place which has music playing, I walk along with the beats thinking that I will look super cool doing that!

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If I'm doing something that involves two ppl i race even if the other person doesn't know it and if i win i get a huge ass grin which is awkward sometimes

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I invented this game in the bathroom called "start peeing before the light fully lightens up".Its kind of a challenge because if i actually succeed i might not pee in the right place.

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Eat goldfish and cheez-its salt side down.

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I put morals on posts to get a thumbs up. Moral: Posts with morals get thumbs up.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.