Feel like you sing wonderfully when you are alone, but feel like you sing horribly in front of others.

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when I take a big dump I turn around to see how big it is

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When the car runs over bumps in the road on the freeway, they sound like horses hooves, so I pretend my car's being pulled by invisible horses.

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Whenever I read creepy pastas and there is a picture after the story I get afraid to look at it than when I do I freak out thinking it's going to eat me. Than when I look at it I shout FUUUUUUU.. Than look at it some more and I burst out laughing seeing its a fucking dumb picture.

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Do math in ur head at night to help you fall asleep.

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When I hear a sound that I don't know what is, while I'm in an unfamiliar place, I wipe off and then touch as many surfaces as possible. It makes me think that if I'm taken by some scary person, my fingerprints will be easily found. I'm not sure why that would help in many cases, but it makes me feel better.

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seeing small spots in your eye (dust probably) and then chasing them with your eye trying to catch them

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Repeat the phrase "you too" after a comment someone makes that does not apply. Bob: happy birthday Jim Jim: you too bob. Awwww sh!t.

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Whenever we watch a movie or stupid educational film in school, I sleep.

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when you are pooping you fart and it scares you a little bit.

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I poop on the side of my house in the morning so I do not have to make noise then come back in.

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eat the salt from the bottom of the pretzel bag

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Stop in the middle of a walk, then picture every face of every person you saw during that walk and what you were doing just in case a detective or police officer stopped you and asked "where you were at a this time?" or "have you seen this person?"

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"Oh, that was a messed up thought, probably shouldn't think about it again or something worse because---GODDAMN IT."

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I give my own posts a thumbs up whenever I have the option and I know that it's anonymous.

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When i'm done sleeping, I wake up.

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I take receipts out of the ATM's disposal slot in order to see how much money people that I've never met have in their accounts.

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Pour cereal. Realize there is no milk. You really want cereal so you try it with water. Realize that was a bad idea.

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feel disappointed when i find out that a p0rn scene is just the actor's dream or imagination.

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Act like your on a cooking tv show when your cooking

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sleep with your legs crossed like your meditating.

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Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

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If someone uses a term thats like, in the know, and they ask if i know what it means, ill act like, of course ido, even if i dont, and then ill go home and look it up.

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Drying yourself after the shower with a towl, wiping your ass dry and beeing scared when you dry other parts of your body you dont use the same part of the towl.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.