Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

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dont turn my fan up so high cause i think its going to fall and slice me to bits -jesse

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Too lazy to exercise. Think to self "I'm gonna work out tomorrow." - instantly feel better about self. Still didn't exercise.

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Whenever i am watching TV my parents always walk by at the worst part like a sex scene or a dirty joke.

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Realising that there are ASSHOLES posting dumb shit on this site.

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I masturbate evenly with both hands so that my penis doesn't become crooked.

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Receiving or finding something cool in your dream, then waking up thinking you have it and realize you don't.

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when someone is talking about something i have no idea of and then asked me if i agree I'm like: oh yes! and then promptly changing subject so they won't find out

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Find yourself alone at a party/gathering of some sort... Pretend to send a text to make people think you're not a loner.

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Think that a movie is shorter after you watch it once or twice

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Pick giant boogers and eat them.

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Reading a book and making the facial expressions it describes.

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Realizing that when you look behind a shower curtain before using the bathroom and actually see a Serial killer, you have no plan...

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instinctively thumb down long posts without reading them.

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Pee in the shower.

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Sometimes I wipe my butt so violently that my finger goes through the toilet paper and into my butt hole. I enjoy it and question my sexuality. ;)

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Squeezing my cat's face back so it looks Chinese.

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When I am home alone and I hear something upstairs, I pretend my Dad is here and say really loudly, "Hey Dad! When are you going to your violent national wrestling match tonight?!"

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I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

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Put my hand under the pillow in bed to get orgasm

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I stop the microwave at 1 second so that one someone else uses it it beeps

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Pretend to listen to iPod, but actually eavesdrop on the people around me.

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When I was younger I would image a band that played the songs on the radio that was strapped to the roof of the car during long car rides.

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Happy April 28th everyone! Today is the first day of the rest of your lives, a time for new beginnings to run wild, a time to put a final ending to the past mistakes and troubling thoughts that may have been clouding your mind for far too long until now... The time is here, The time is now, Today is the day, Right here, right now, Right this moment, This is the right time... This, IS THE TIME TO DECIDE... To take time to make time, and let time pass by while you try to decide on how you wanna live your life? Falling into the same patterns as time before, and as will be, time after time? OR, simply, you can choose to LIVE... letting yourself have the time of YOUR LIFE!!! =) The choice is yours, what will you decide??? <3

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.