Too lazy to exercise. Think to self "I'm gonna work out tomorrow." - instantly feel better about self. Still didn't exercise.

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I have an irrational fear of sloths

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SOMETIMES I SHIT ON MY HAND.... IN THE SHOWER

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Think "When are we ever going to use this in our life?" while sitting bored in school.

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I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

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Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

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Put my hand under the pillow in bed to get orgasm

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Pee sitting down so I dont have to aim

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When I was younger I would image a band that played the songs on the radio that was strapped to the roof of the car during long car rides.

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play with a knife and pretend to be a master blade wielder

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If I'm home alone, I tell myself good night when I am getting cozy in bed. I even use my name.

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Pee in the shower.

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Rub boogers under the arm rest on the couch.

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When you're full at a restaurant and leave your drink. One day you're thirsty and remember back to when you COULD have finished that drink.

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Think that a movie is shorter after you watch it once or twice

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Reading a book and making the facial expressions it describes.

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waking up from an amazing/awesome dream and spend the rest of the day thinking up of new senarios to come after...

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When leaving a poop smear under the water in the toilet that doesn't get flushed away, I put a few pieces of toilet paper on the water surface to conceal it.

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play with a laser pointer and pretend its a lightsaber

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if i put my shirt on backwards, instead of taking my shirt off and putting it on right, i pull my arms in and just spin my shirt.

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If no one else is home and you have to go to the bathroom, but you're invested in what you're doing on your laptop, you take it with you.

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When I'm in a hurry I brush my teeth while peeing because I think it saves time.

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Somehow can't find anything good to eat after going grocery shopping... even if you buy Oreos

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i use dental dams

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.