when i talk to someone, and the one where i am talking with is saying a sentence very fast, am going to repeat the whole sentence in my head and then it sounds really weird.

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Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Feel really paranoid until my game score is a multiple of 5

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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Make calculations with house number. Eg: House nº 112 means house nº 4

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i masturbate with my feet

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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when walking i always count how many steps i have taken as i go

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.