when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

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I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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I cover the mirror on my bedroom door with a sheet at night, because I think the shadows casted in the mirror are gonna get me.

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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I probably am the only one who does this but I climb on my cat's cat tree to see what it's like to be a cat o.o

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.