only read the short jokes on this website

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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The older I get the more honest I get

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.