Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

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I doodle on everything I get that can be doodled on, even my exams :)

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

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Sleep with pillow between legs

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When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.