send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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I play out romantic scenarios with myself when I'm alone. We're talking full-blown just straight up talking out loud- to myself, of course. It's not that I'm lonely or anything since I did this when I had a boyfriend anyway (just to clarify, it didn't end because of this XD.) I really just feel like doing it because it's really friggin' entertaining. If you've never done it, well... it's basically like being in a really crappy, low budget soap opera, with a plot that doesn't make any damn sense, staring you as every character and the audience. That's basically the only way I could describe it lol.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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The older I get the more honest I get

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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touching something (like a crack in a wall) and then thinking to yourself that your the only person thats ever touched it..

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Read things from this page and think to self: "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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Sniff or tap to a rhythm to some sort of beat I composed in my head...

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You look over the edge of a tall building/structure, and have that sudden urge to jump off.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Sleep with pillow between legs

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Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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in burgers, you eat until you have only a few bites left, then you eat the bun and then the insides

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.