I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Being fat

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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Thinking about a situation someone else in the world might be in. For example, Someone dying and the pain they must be going through.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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Read things from this page and think to self: "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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Sniff or tap to a rhythm to some sort of beat I composed in my head...

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.