I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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While I Am on the computer late at night, my Mum tells me to go to bed, I say I will in a second. I stay for a few more minutes, my mum tells me again, I do the same thing...

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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Drink out the carton (your whole family prob does it)

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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Feeling sorry for inanimate objects

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Being in the car and wondering if your parents can read your mind so you think "If you can here me cough in 3, 2, 1..." Sometimes my dad actually does it and he looks back at me and smiles. .-.

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.