Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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Everytime my sibling starts a sentance with "I remember when","I have an idea"etc.,I get up and walk out.

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The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.