I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Mayada stupid

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I know how to Gleek on command. (Don't know what it is just look it up.)

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down

Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

thumb_up thumb_down

Getting over excited when you hear a song you like on the radio, even though you have it on your Ipod and can listen to it whenever you want.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

I scratch and sniff.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

I mean Diana Ross.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

thumb_up thumb_down -10

turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

I get more creeped out the more I read the comments here, especially as the comments start getting really low thumbs ups.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Wonder what random strangers look like or noises and such they make while having sex. Everyone literally. People you interact with at work , customers, your boss, the married couple. Except for people who are like dirty looking af. Our just straight up ugly. Then your like grossed out by those thoughts your having and start getting that home sickfeeling in your stomach. Almost like butterflies but like dead ones or something. Hard to explain.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.