Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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I probably am the only one who does this but I climb on my cat's cat tree to see what it's like to be a cat o.o

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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stare at someone then when they turn around look all around the room pretending you weren't looking at them

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I was the real Stig...

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When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

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I like to watch lava lamps heat up

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.