Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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feel like your calculator is judging/making fun of you for looking up simple equations

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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log out of any social network sites so that when im on a website it doesnt somehow send messages to my profile

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I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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right click refresh on desktop. Repeat

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when you've done everything you wanted to do on the internet and stop and just stare at the screen.

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.