poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

thumb_up thumb_down -59

I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

thumb_up thumb_down -69

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

thumb_up thumb_down -109

I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

thumb_up thumb_down -119

I have a phobia of incest

thumb_up thumb_down -127

Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Run faster down hotel corridors.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Become self-conscious and wonder if you were making faces while day dreaming during the middle of class.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Sometimes I feel that my reflection in the mirror will stop doing what I'm doing and either jump out and grab me, start telling me about her reflected life, or give me a mission to free her from her mirror life.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.