I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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i masturbate with my feet

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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make south park refferences every day

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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I was the real Stig...

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I have a phobia of incest

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

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Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

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Mayada stupid

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.