Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

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Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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test how many stares you can scale in one step

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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I hid money in a jar behind a brick in the house I lived in and forgot about it. I've since moved to another state but I didn't remember I left the cash behind until years later.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.