everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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i masturbate with my feet

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.