When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

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While I Am on the computer late at night, my Mum tells me to go to bed, I say I will in a second. I stay for a few more minutes, my mum tells me again, I do the same thing...

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try to make myself sneeze because I like the feeling I get when I do

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When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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You or someone you know has a secret crush/liking but the always shout it to the world. My sister does that.(It's why I ask)

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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Wonder what random strangers look like or noises and such they make while having sex. Everyone literally. People you interact with at work , customers, your boss, the married couple. Except for people who are like dirty looking af. Our just straight up ugly. Then your like grossed out by those thoughts your having and start getting that home sickfeeling in your stomach. Almost like butterflies but like dead ones or something. Hard to explain.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.