Justin Beiber is a woman

When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

the power to regenerate your appendix

When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

I don't read the terms of service.

I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

Smoking in the shower.

While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.