fall asleep in the shower.

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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When i think about something hilarious that happened previously and laugh about it days later at the most innappropriate time.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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Kill Jb without getting aressted.

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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imagine killing someone by accident and feeling really guilty about it.

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I wonder if sport games are rigged?

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TV turned on just so... Makes you not feeling alone or because some other unknown (or) irrational reason.And of course, feeling guilty cause you spending energy and money but still... Most of the time you just don't care.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.