Justin Beiber is a woman

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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I don't read the terms of service.

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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Smoking in the shower.

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.