Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.