I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

i masturbate with my feet

Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

I **** with no hands.

I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

looking at the last page of thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com to see how weird some people are...

You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.