like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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When I dont feel like sweeping I sweep the stuff under the fridge or something

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I read the down voted posts

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

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I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Get annoyed when I click on the "popular" button and it's always the same things.

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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fap

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Think about breathing...

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.