- Things You Think Only You Do

I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

Thinking your life is a movie...

Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

While in the shower, after ive used soap and stuff i turn the water to cold and i pretend im on fear factor and close my eyes so i cannot see what i am trying to get while crawling through freezing cold water

When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

Sleep with pillow between legs

I rate certain songs on my iPod higher than others because if someone else is checking out my playlists, I don't want them knowing how much I really love that super cheesy song from the early 90's (even though every time it comes on, I hit repeat at least 3 times and sing aloud as loudly as I think I can get away with. I really, really love that song!).

I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

Sometimes I think that if we play with dolls, maybe we're just dolls that someone is playing with and creating lives for.

i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.