Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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When playing a game you refer to the kid you don't know as "kid" - ar2

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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When a book is boring, i will think of my favouite song and then i will start singing the book, like i will look at the words and ligit, start singing them in my favourite tune~im so weird

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Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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Turn shower water all the way up hot before getting out because it feels good

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.