Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

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I don't read the terms of service.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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Not vote up my own posts? I bet I'm among the few..

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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test how many stares you can scale in one step

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Get annoyed when I click on the "popular" button and it's always the same things.

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.