When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

thumb_up thumb_down -93

I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

thumb_up thumb_down -107

Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

thumb_up thumb_down -109

I have a phobia of incest

thumb_up thumb_down -119

Laying alone in bed at night and then every single scary thought, face, image, movie, or whatever starts playing in your mind.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Going to the very last pages of "Things you think you only do" with the lowest ratings and realizing that they really are the only ones who do that stuff...

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Become self-conscious and wonder if you were making faces while day dreaming during the middle of class.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Playing a sad song that talks about your current situation and then looking in the mirror or out the window pretending you are in a sad music video.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

thumb_up thumb_down +34

accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

thumb_up thumb_down +22

When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

imagine killing someone by accident and feeling really guilty about it.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anytime I walk in anyplace with cracks in the ground (tiled floors, cement squares, etc.) I do my best to avoid stepping on cracks in fear of something happening if I do.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Invented a special password for yourself in order to recognize yourself if travel through time.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I piss in the bed every night

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.