- Things You Think Only You Do

I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

Going to sleep during class thinking that you've written down all your notes, until you wake up and realize you did nothing.

Look at my poo before I flush it.

After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

When I am bored I look at things and wonder about the people who made them, and at what time they were made, etc. Like whether my Bic pen was made in the morning or the night. Savy.

start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

stare at someone then when they turn around look all around the room pretending you weren't looking at them

If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.