Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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When you walk across a cross walk and you stretch your steps so it takes one step for each line, yet you still try to look casual because ur in public

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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i see things on this site and am secretly glad im not weird like everyone else

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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Make up a song to yourself.

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.