Sitting down in the shower

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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Love feet. like LOVE feet.

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When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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I doodle on everything I get that can be doodled on, even my exams :)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.