Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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Courtesy flush.

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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I ship Bolin and Korra as a romance and a bromance. Am I weird for doing this?

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.