when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

Thinking about a situation someone else in the world might be in. For example, Someone dying and the pain they must be going through.

Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

Being fat

Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

Kill Jb without getting aressted.

Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.