Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

thumb_up thumb_down -56

When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

thumb_up thumb_down -64

When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

thumb_up thumb_down -100

Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

thumb_up thumb_down -110

When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

thumb_up thumb_down -112

I have a phobia of incest

thumb_up thumb_down -124

If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

The older I get the more honest I get

thumb_up thumb_down +59

eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.