Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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When it's as quiet as possible in the classroom in the middle of the period and everyone is silently doing their work.... I suddenly think of something REALLY funny and spend the next half hour awkwardly grinning trying my hardest not to burst out uncontrollably.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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in burgers, you eat until you have only a few bites left, then you eat the bun and then the insides

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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I would try to make my pencil shavings as long as possible.

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.