Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

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I have a phobia of incest

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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The older I get the more honest I get

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.