Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

I have a phobia of incest

If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

The older I get the more honest I get

eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.