Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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I think Frozen is an overrated film

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If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Rubbing the corners of your lips on the side of your hand and smelling it.

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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Think that everything you do is life is being recorded by secret cameras and you're on a reality show. But you don't actually know. The Truman Show. -Robert

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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when walking i always count how many steps i have taken as i go

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.