When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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I was the real Stig...

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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dip my fries in ice cream! sometimes in soda. It's good!

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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Invented a special password for yourself in order to recognize yourself if travel through time.

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

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I hit the frig after sex

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I sometime's wonder if other people can see and feel everything I can but are just in my body too judge me.

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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watch lesbian porn instead of normal because you hate have other men in the picture

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Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.