Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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fap

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Show all your friends this website to prove your not as strange as they think you are.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Courtesy flush.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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eat curry and don't complain about its spiciness ...if you're not white

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Sitting down in the shower

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Love feet. like LOVE feet.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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I **** with no hands.

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.