pull out a flies wings and let it go

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Sometimes I toot.

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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when you've done everything you wanted to do on the internet and stop and just stare at the screen.

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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I'm not bad looking and I don't fall into the beautiful category either but I really feel good about the way I look

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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Listening to music walking through town and feeling like you're in a music video

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.