Mayada stupid

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I really enjoy spending my birthday alone. I never told anyone that.

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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Tear up when I poop

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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get really freaked out when your in a parking lot and the car next to you starts backing up and you think your moving forward.

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get really paranoid when you're in a shop's changing room and try and make sure the curtain is fully closed so nobody can see in

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watch lesbian porn instead of normal because you hate have other men in the picture

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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Keep things on my body equal. ex. Hold something in my right hand so I hold something equally heavy in my left hand.

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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Make a day of reading posts from Craiglist's Best-Of.

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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when you read a post that you don't do then start doing it

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If I see the same model of vehicle as mine in a parking lot, I get overly excited if I manage to get a parking spot next to it. Extra points for same color or type (i.e. quad cab vs regular cab).

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I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.