Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.