Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Picking my nose.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Get soo scared in the shower when your home alone that you are scared to open the curtain just incase somebody is out tthere

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Love feet. like LOVE feet.

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I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.