start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Sitting down in the shower

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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I **** with no hands.

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Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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I gotta get down of Friday

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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Put my hands together the 'other' way

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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I have a phobia of incest

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.