When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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Being in the car and wondering if your parents can read your mind so you think "If you can here me cough in 3, 2, 1..." Sometimes my dad actually does it and he looks back at me and smiles. .-.

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Wonder what random strangers look like or noises and such they make while having sex. Everyone literally. People you interact with at work , customers, your boss, the married couple. Except for people who are like dirty looking af. Our just straight up ugly. Then your like grossed out by those thoughts your having and start getting that home sickfeeling in your stomach. Almost like butterflies but like dead ones or something. Hard to explain.

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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Find myself thinking a completely random meaningless sentence as I'm falling asleep with no idea how I got to that thought.

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.