Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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Everytime my sibling starts a sentance with "I remember when","I have an idea"etc.,I get up and walk out.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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I cant ride a bike

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.