Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Tap my fingers really rapidly when I'm annoyed, stressed out, fed up or angry.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

thumb_up thumb_down -100

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

thumb_up thumb_down -108

When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

thumb_up thumb_down -112

If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

Run faster down hotel corridors.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

thumb_up thumb_down +31

.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

thumb_up thumb_down +23

looking at the last page of thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com to see how weird some people are...

thumb_up thumb_down +21

sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

thumb_up thumb_down +19

That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

I doodle on everything I get that can be doodled on, even my exams :)

thumb_up thumb_down +11

When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

thumb_up thumb_down +9

When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Sleep with pillow between legs

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.