only read the short jokes on this website

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Smoking in the shower.

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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When in class , I move alot in my chair when my butt itches .

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I strum my fingers on my other hand between the fingers on the other hand which is a fist to make a popping sound (Try it, it's really fun)

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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Thinking about a situation someone else in the world might be in. For example, Someone dying and the pain they must be going through.

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.