try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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Tap my fingers really rapidly when I'm annoyed, stressed out, fed up or angry.

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

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I **** with no hands.

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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Put my hands together the 'other' way

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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The older I get the more honest I get

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.