when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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I scratch and sniff.

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Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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Whenever I go to close the door to my room, I give the wall opposite me a hard, intimidating stare just in case an invisible person was watching me.

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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Wonder what random strangers look like or noises and such they make while having sex. Everyone literally. People you interact with at work , customers, your boss, the married couple. Except for people who are like dirty looking af. Our just straight up ugly. Then your like grossed out by those thoughts your having and start getting that home sickfeeling in your stomach. Almost like butterflies but like dead ones or something. Hard to explain.

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I don't use my car air conditioning because I think it's wasteful and it might "run-out" when I'm REALLY, REALLY hot.

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When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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When I was younger, I would always try to construct some type of car by using the plastic things from Push-Ups as wheels.

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.