start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

I rehearse arguments in my head.

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

I **** with no hands.

You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

Feeling sorry for objects to throw away!! Haha anyone els?

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.