Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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I was the real Stig...

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The older I get the more honest I get

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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touching something (like a crack in a wall) and then thinking to yourself that your the only person thats ever touched it..

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Read things from this page and think to self: "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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Sniff or tap to a rhythm to some sort of beat I composed in my head...

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

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when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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in burgers, you eat until you have only a few bites left, then you eat the bun and then the insides

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Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.