Sleep with pillow between legs

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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I scratch and sniff.

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I sometime's wonder if other people can see and feel everything I can but are just in my body too judge me.

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

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I mean Diana Ross.

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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I probably am the only one who does this but I climb on my cat's cat tree to see what it's like to be a cat o.o

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.