I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

thumb_up thumb_down -66

put your hands in your bra or pants to keep them warm when you're not in public.

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

thumb_up thumb_down -84

I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

thumb_up thumb_down -100

Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

get happy as sh*t when you remember your homework is do after your lunch period so you can do it then, but never end up doing it.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

When playing a game you refer to the kid you don't know as "kid" - ar2

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Tear up when I poop

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Feels my beard with my tongue.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

get really freaked out when your in a parking lot and the car next to you starts backing up and you think your moving forward.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

thumb_up thumb_down -17

When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

thumb_up thumb_down -31

when your doing something or going somewhere you think didn't I already do this, like your back in time.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

If I see the same model of vehicle as mine in a parking lot, I get overly excited if I manage to get a parking spot next to it. Extra points for same color or type (i.e. quad cab vs regular cab).

thumb_up thumb_down -43

When I'm riding in the car, I'll spot a tree, make it my goal and try to beat the car on the opposite side of the road to it. (Seriously I don't think anyone else does this!)

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.