Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

thumb_up thumb_down -82

....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -94

skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

thumb_up thumb_down +5

i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When I use the bathroom at school, I keep the door open with the kickstand and use the stall. It's because I fear that one day, when I'm all alone in the bathroom with the door closed, the fire alarm will go off and scare the living crap out of me. This trick backfires when someone comes in without closing the door and uses the urinal.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Use my phone to see what time it is

thumb_up thumb_down -3

If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

thumb_up thumb_down -17

when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

When I'm home alone at night I check around the corners to make sure there isn't anyone there

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Drink alcohol out of styrofoam soda cups on the bus and train.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

thumb_up thumb_down -37

At any time of day, when i'm not busy, someone you know pops into your head and you start talking to them telepathically, but not for long, then you realise that youre just plain crazy? anyone?

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.