i masturbate with my feet

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

thumb_up thumb_down -59

When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

thumb_up thumb_down -65

you know that when things have only one like on this site, the people who wrote it liked it

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

thumb_up thumb_down -85

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

thumb_up thumb_down -95

You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

thumb_up thumb_down -97

Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

thumb_up thumb_down -101

The older I get the more honest I get

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Playing a sad song that talks about your current situation and then looking in the mirror or out the window pretending you are in a sad music video.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Pretend I'm a back-up dancer or singing a duet with the singer of the song I'm listening to.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Get scared of the dark while in bed, so you make sure all limbs are tucked nice and tight under the covers. Once done, you now feel safe..

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Hate people who don't dress like you because they're not fashionable. Hate people who do dress like you because they threaten your individuality.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.