I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

thumb_up thumb_down -46

only read the short jokes on this website

thumb_up thumb_down -46

When you had a crush on a girl in elementary school, then don't see her in middle school and think of how much of a bitch she was. Then You start crushing on her again in high school.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Think of someone you love while trying to fall asleep.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

thumb_up thumb_down -50

When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Believing in the kindness of strangers

thumb_up thumb_down -58

i masturbate with my feet

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Inspect the shower, bath or toilet, then washing it until you believe it is suitable to use.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Thinking about a situation someone else in the world might be in. For example, Someone dying and the pain they must be going through.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

I can't piss with my shoes on.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

thumb_up thumb_down -84

I was the real Stig...

thumb_up thumb_down -100

Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

thumb_up thumb_down -114

Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.