cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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humiliating little girls

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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When I meet someone random, and have a small conversation, and then when they leave, I feel sad because I think I am never going to see them again.

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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At any time of day, when i'm not busy, someone you know pops into your head and you start talking to them telepathically, but not for long, then you realise that youre just plain crazy? anyone?

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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Sometimes cringe at the sound when other people scratch themselves

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Use reverse psychology on the rain to make it slow down or speed up.

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.