When I dont feel like sweeping I sweep the stuff under the fridge or something

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

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When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

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When I'm walking on pavement or tiles I always make patterns, e.g stepping on every second tile, stepping a certain amount of times on each bit of pavement

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

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Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

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Be a loner at school

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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I have walked into a sliding glass door

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I hate being called "buddy".

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It's hot but I still have on covers

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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Only taking half a biscuit because it makes you feel bad and then taking another half of a different biscuit.

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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I doodle on everything I get that can be doodled on, even my exams :)

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.