after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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put your hands in your bra or pants to keep them warm when you're not in public.

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Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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You pretend to fight imaginary people while no ones looking:/ But you look like the star wars kid...

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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I doodle on everything I get that can be doodled on, even my exams :)

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Pretend i'm a sim.

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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I like to turn the lights off in the bathroom, actually block every little bit of light I possibly can, then take a nice warm shower, curl up on the floor, block my ears and enjoy the warm water and sensory deprivation.

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getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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When a tooth is very loose,i shake it with my tongue because that pain is relaxing.

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.