Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

I got 12 months free xbox live gold from this website http://freexboxlivegoldcodes.org .You can also get it.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

thumb_up thumb_down -55

send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

I have autofocus in my eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

I was not born in the country I am living in now

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Feeling sorry for objects to throw away!! Haha anyone els?

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

I cover the mirror on my bedroom door with a sheet at night, because I think the shadows casted in the mirror are gonna get me.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

thumb_up thumb_down -22

I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

thumb_up thumb_down -24

I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

thumb_up thumb_down -26

For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.