Kill Jb without getting aressted.

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

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think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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Do somthing only you do

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

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Multi task while your brushing your teeth and forget you have a tooth brush in your mouth.

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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try to only take one step on each sidewalk square.

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

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Taking your headphones/earbuds off a lot to see if your music is playing loudly. Or to see if other people could possibly hear it

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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You tell your friends that you hate the Rick roll'd song even though you secretly like it.

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At any time of day, when i'm not busy, someone you know pops into your head and you start talking to them telepathically, but not for long, then you realise that youre just plain crazy? anyone?

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.