I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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I like to turn the lights off in the bathroom, actually block every little bit of light I possibly can, then take a nice warm shower, curl up on the floor, block my ears and enjoy the warm water and sensory deprivation.

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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Thinking about a situation someone else in the world might be in. For example, Someone dying and the pain they must be going through.

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read on youtube comments with too unlikes

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.