You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

Half of these posts are all but "things you think only you do". So is mine

Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

I spin around in a spot, and then close my eyes and tilt my head up and to the opposite side i'm spinning to. It just feels awesome and it's even better while listening to music.

Feels my beard with my tongue.

Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

Feel the bed gets more comfortable the longer you put off getting into bed.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.