right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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I mean Diana Ross.

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Eat a biscuit realise how nice it is and eat the whole packet

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

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I don't read the terms of service.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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Saying an awkward word enough times so that it doesn't sound like a real word anymore

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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When I'm riding in the car, I'll spot a tree, make it my goal and try to beat the car on the opposite side of the road to it. (Seriously I don't think anyone else does this!)

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.