Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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Turn shower water all the way up hot before getting out because it feels good

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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The older I get the more honest I get

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.