wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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Not eat French fries because I don't like the taste rather than because they are unhealthy?

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When you had a crush on a girl in elementary school, then don't see her in middle school and think of how much of a bitch she was. Then You start crushing on her again in high school.

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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i masturbate with my feet

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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Thinking about a situation someone else in the world might be in. For example, Someone dying and the pain they must be going through.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.