I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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I don't use my car air conditioning because I think it's wasteful and it might "run-out" when I'm REALLY, REALLY hot.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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I still hum songs that I made up when I was a little kid

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I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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I always try to play it cool and act like it’s no big deal. But I always have a mini anxiety attack before actually stepping onto a moving escalator. It is a task trying to time my step perfectly where my foot isn’t hanging off a step and I have to hurry my second foot on there isn’t an awdward space of steps between my feet. -Ikka

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get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.