whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

I have autofocus in my eyes.

i masturbate with my feet

Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

log out of any social network sites so that when im on a website it doesnt somehow send messages to my profile

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.