cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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humiliating little girls

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i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

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listen to madonnas new album

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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when you read a post that you don't do then start doing it

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.