When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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try to only take one step on each sidewalk square.

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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You tell your friends that you hate the Rick roll'd song even though you secretly like it.

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At any time of day, when i'm not busy, someone you know pops into your head and you start talking to them telepathically, but not for long, then you realise that youre just plain crazy? anyone?

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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blink

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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read on youtube comments with too unlikes

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.