When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

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get really paranoid when you're in a shop's changing room and try and make sure the curtain is fully closed so nobody can see in

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Tear up when I poop

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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watch lesbian porn instead of normal because you hate have other men in the picture

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I never feel bored

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when making thing only you think you do you never read the terms of service

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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Drink alcohol out of styrofoam soda cups on the bus and train.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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If I see the same model of vehicle as mine in a parking lot, I get overly excited if I manage to get a parking spot next to it. Extra points for same color or type (i.e. quad cab vs regular cab).

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.