Being fat

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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When it's as quiet as possible in the classroom in the middle of the period and everyone is silently doing their work.... I suddenly think of something REALLY funny and spend the next half hour awkwardly grinning trying my hardest not to burst out uncontrollably.

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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Look at my poop before flushing

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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take 2 coffes in 2 seconds cause dont remember the first coffee! o.O

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.