whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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i masturbate with my feet

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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log out of any social network sites so that when im on a website it doesnt somehow send messages to my profile

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.