You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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Half of these posts are all but "things you think only you do". So is mine

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Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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I spin around in a spot, and then close my eyes and tilt my head up and to the opposite side i'm spinning to. It just feels awesome and it's even better while listening to music.

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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Feel the bed gets more comfortable the longer you put off getting into bed.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.