pissing really fast to remove shit stains in the toilet

coughing when your having a poo so people know that your on the loo

Try to talk to my pet telepathically. - sky

Get turned on lookin at my own butt

Writing d as b and b as d or p as q

When I was younger I used to challenge myself with touching the roof I would first jump and see if I could touch it then I would try and see how long I can touch it and now every once in a while I just touch it and think of how far I have come.

Randomly agree for the Terms of Service for just about everything on the internet. Then becoming very frightened at the thought that you have violated them in some way.

It's hot but I still have on covers

When I'm running a bath I sometimes sit and look at myself in the mirror and act out conversations with people I've never talked to or celebrities, and when I say something that sounds good I'll repeat it over and over again until I nail huge emotions on my face.

Before I go to sleep, I imagine what it would be like dating a really hot actor or singer and think of dramatic scenarios that could happen.

oh snap, i got a boner. hope nobody notices

When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

when someone says something like 'it's too late' i always start singing 'to apologizeeeeee' even though i think people are annoyed of me always singing along to their sentences and changing the meaning, but i just cannot stop it

Really really happy that resisted getting a facebook or twitter account

My parents are annoying.

eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

Do a little half laugh, then when someone looks at you, you realise that it wasn't even funny so you pretend to be clearing your throat.

Whenever I do something I want to tell someone about, I have to whisper it to myself before I tell them.

Solving your problems in bed before sleeping and then forgetting all of the solutions when you wake up. This applies to games, homework, and world hunger.

Meet a really cool girl imagine the rest of my life with her.

When I drive I cut corners even at low speeds so that the people behind me think I am experienced race car driver.

Try to think of something nice then thinks of then scariest things.

When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

If I am waiting on someone and they are late, I start mentally listing their faults, flaws and mistakes but feel kind of bad for doing it when they finally show up.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.