I still hum songs that I made up when I was a little kid

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

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Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

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You or someone you know has a secret crush/liking but the always shout it to the world. My sister does that.(It's why I ask)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.