masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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While at the movies, grab and eat your popcorn with your tongue and pretend you are a lizard.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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try to make myself sneeze because I like the feeling I get when I do

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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Go to bed with my left nostril clogged, wake up with my right nostril clogged.

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Get scared of the dark while in bed, so you make sure all limbs are tucked nice and tight under the covers. Once done, you now feel safe..

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always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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only read the short jokes on this website

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When in class , I move alot in my chair when my butt itches .

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Picking my nose.

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.