i masturbate with my feet

thumb_up thumb_down -61

When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

thumb_up thumb_down -65

try to give your friends spirit animals

thumb_up thumb_down -65

I have autofocus in my eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

thumb_up thumb_down +88

I hit the frig after sex

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Justin Beiber is a woman

thumb_up thumb_down -28

after seeing toy story, and watching that toys moved and talked to each other when the humans werent around, thinking that toys are really like that when you gone, and when you go back to you room, the toys rush back into their spots.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

thumb_up thumb_down -38

i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

thumb_up thumb_down -40

fap

thumb_up thumb_down -52

I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

thumb_up thumb_down -56

HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.